Jakey
Premium Member
Registered: 4th Jun 07
Location: Sandbach
User status: Offline
|
Yeah, made me giggle too 
|
AdzJohnson
Member
Registered: 12th Feb 07
User status: Offline
|
Customer: Yes you can.
Shahana Anjum: What is your name/
Customer: My name is Stavros Papadopoulis
Shahana Anjum: Hello Stavros, how can I help you today?
Customer: Well i have a problem with herpies
Shahana Anjum: I am a specialist in e-savings and e-savings Reward accounts, I specialize in facts and features of these two accounts.
Stavros Papadopoulis: That is very useful as i have a problem regarding my e-savings and e-savings Reward accounts
Shahana Anjum: Can you please tell me what is the problem?
Stavros Papadopoulis: i keep inserting money into my pc but it is rejecting it and wont go into my esaving account
Stavros Papadopoulis: your not much of a specialist if your not helping shahanabanana
Shahana Anjum: You cannot insert money into your PC. You can transfer money into your e-savings Reward account from your other Barclays accounts within Online Banking, using the 'Transfer Money' function. You can also transfer money in by setting up a regular transfer or one off payment from your Barclays or other Bank accounts. You can only make payments and transfers out of your e-savings Reward via Online Banking, using the 'Transfer Money' and 'Pay a Bill or Someone' functions. Remember that as e-savings Reward is an Internet-only account all payments and withdrawals must be done online.You cannot use the account in a branch, via post or Telephone Banking.
Stavros Papadopoulis: i have no hands i cant set the transfers up can you help?
Shahana Anjum: My name is Shahana. Not shahanabanana.
Stavros Papadopoulis: Sorry shabnam
Shahana Anjum: Then how are you typing?
Stavros Papadopoulis: the power of the mind is a very strong power..
Shahana Anjum: Then you transfer money with the power of your mind.
Stavros Papadopoulis: if i could do that i woudnt be on here asking for your help
|
Cosmo
Member
Registered: 29th Mar 01
Location: Im the real one!
User status: Offline
|
Thats the same one I got 
He wasnt that arsey with me 
|
Robbo
Member
Registered: 6th Aug 02
Location: London
User status: Offline
|
My person is VERY slow :\
|
Russ
Member
Registered: 14th Mar 04
Location: Armchair
User status: Offline
|
i have Pawan Sharma. im gonna lure them in.. and then, boom
edit - and by boom i mean try and be funny and fail
[Edited on 17-09-2008 by Russ]
|
Robbo
Member
Registered: 6th Aug 02
Location: London
User status: Offline
|
Prema P: Thank you for using Barclays Webchat Service. My name is Prema, can I please ask what your name is?
Customer: Yes you may
Customer: Hello?
Prema P: Thank you. What is your name please?
Customer: What is your name?
Prema P: Prema.
Customer: Hello prema
Prema P: Hi.
Customer: How can I be of assistance today?
Prema P: Can I please ask what your name is?
Customer: Yes you can
Prema P: Go on then.
Customer: Go on what?
Prema P: Your name..
Customer: Oh right
Customer: I'm sorry I didn't catch yours?
Prema P: Please see above.
Customer: I see
Customer: And how may I be of assistance to you today Please see above.?
Prema P: Can I take your name please?
Customer: Of course you can
Customer: My name is Prema P
Prema P: How can I help?
Customer: (That is, of course, an assumed identity as it quite clearly states that I should NOT give otu any personal information)
Prema P: There is no obligation to give me your name, when helping you today, I'll address you as Prema P, is that okay?
Customer: That would be delightful
Customer: How are you today?
Prema P: Thanks, I'm good. How are you?
Customer: Not too bad thank you
Customer: Bit of a headache but otherwise, no complaints
Prema P: How can I help?
Customer: I'm havign a little trouble accessing my online banking system
Prema P: Apologies but I specialise in supporting customers with new registrations. For more technical information please click on the 'more about Online Banking' link or contact the Online Banking Helpdesk on 0845 600 2323, 7 days a week, 07.00 - 23.00. Please see the attached link for details of our call charges. http://www.personal.barclays.co.uk/BRC1/jsp/brccontrol?task=popup1group&value=9005&target=_blank&site=pfs
Customer: Oh dear
Prema P: Sorry about that.
Customer: meh
Customer: happens to the best of us
Customer: why does your thing say barclays? I thought this was HSBC?
Prema P: You might have come to Barclays.co.uk
Customer: So you're tellign me you've just wasted 15 minutes of my time?!
Customer: I don't bank with Barclays, they are rubbish... I'm with HSBC!!!!
Prema P: Can I be of any further assistance?
Customer: Well yeah
Customer: can you put me through to HSBC?
Prema P: I'm afraid, I cant.
Customer: FFS
Customer: is there anythign you can do?!
Customer: maybe knock me up a nice chicken madras?
Customer: Extra spicy please, just the way i likes it :-)
Prema P: Sorry, I unable to understand 'FFS'. Could you please re-write that in English without any abbreviations?
Customer: Umm, I'd rather not, its quite rude
Customer: So how about that curry?
Customer: I'm starving! :-(
Prema P: I can only help with some selected Barclays products and services.
Prema P: This is a professional chat.
Customer: Disappointing
Prema P: Sorry.
Customer: could you help me open a new savings account?
Prema P: Are you referring to a savings account with Barclays?
Customer: Maybe then we could see about that curry?
Customer: No, HSBC, I al;ready told you thats who I bank with
Prema P: So, please contact the bank you'd like to?
Customer: I thought I was!
Prema P: Thank you for using Barclays Webchat Service.
Customer: Can't you just contatc them for me and organis eit on my behalf
Customer: seen as how im already talkign to you?
Customer: Would save me a lot of hassle!
Prema P: I'm sorry but as I said I cant.
Customer: could i speak to your superior please (as in manager, not ganesha or some shit)
Customer: i dont wanna be fussing with 8 armed elephants and all that jazz!
Prema P: I regret that as your behaviour continues to be inappropriate I am ending this chat.
Customer: Please dont :-(
Prema P: Thank you for using Barclays Webchat Service.
Customer: Fine, fuck you then :-(
Customer: Goodbye!
Customer: FOrever
Customer: -x-
Not by any means funny but I did keep her yacking for 25 minutes 
|
Russ
Member
Registered: 14th Mar 04
Location: Armchair
User status: Offline
|
Never give out your password or credit card number in an instant message conversation.
Please wait while we find an agent to assist you...
You have been connected to Pawan Sharma.
Pawan Sharma: Thank you for using Barclays Webchat Service. My name is Pawan, can I please ask what your name is?
Customer: yes you may ask my name.
Pawan Sharma: So what is it?
Customer: it is craig stables
Pawan Sharma: Hello Craig, how can I help?
Customer: i have a problem with my savings acount, i withdrew all the money and spent it and i have no savings and i need soem savings, what do you suggest
Pawan Sharma: You can apply for a loan.
Pawan Sharma: We offer both secured and unsecured loans. What type of a loan are you looking for ?
Customer: if i got a loan, could i get one with the apr lower than the interest rate on my savings and get free money?
Pawan Sharma: No Craig, we don't give money for free. You will have to pay back else you'll put yourself in jeopardy.
Customer: oh i see, well how much money can i borrow, i have a mortgage and work for the government
Pawan Sharma: Are you a Barclays customer?
Customer: im not sure, my secretary usualy handles my money, aswell as a few other things if you know what im saying.. *wink*
Customer: i think i bank with that man who drives the racing car, Lewis Hammerhead, is that barclays?
Pawan Sharma: I cant comment on that..
Customer: ok, what happens if i have a loan and die before i pay it all back, will my secretary have to pay?
Pawan Sharma: You can take a payment protection to prevent that from happening.
Customer: cool so with payment protection i can not die.
Customer: thats important in my line of work, i work for the governemnt you see
Customer: i make there problems go away
Pawan Sharma: You may die any day.....
Pawan Sharma: PPI will take care of your payments even after you die.
Customer: wont the PPI keep me alive?
Pawan Sharma: No it will not, fortunately.
Customer: ok, so how much extra is payment protection?
Customer: and dont you mean unfortunatly?
Pawan Sharma: yes I do.
Pawan Sharma: When you are filling the form, you'll come to know that.
Customer: how much can i borrow as a maximum, 7?
Customer: most banks only lend 7
Pawan Sharma: It depends on your eligibility.
Customer: oh so if i was black i could have all 7, but because or half chinese half norwegian i get nothing
Pawan Sharma: I can't comment on that.
Customer: ok. so i will get my secretary to call you, and she will arrange the loan
Customer: whats your extension number
Customer: infact do you want to call her, can you do that its cheaper for me that way
Pawan Sharma: I can't disclose that information.
Customer: i see...
Customer: can you tell me anything?
Customer: like the where about o Abdul Mussad? otherwise known as white cobra, and where he may be hiding, hes my next hit
Pawan Sharma: Could you please be more specific with your question?
Customer: i am after a man called Abdul Massad, he is the leader of a rebel faction, he is causing problems for my government, i need to find him.
Customer: also my secretary's birthday is next week, i was thinking of taking her to paris and telling her how i feel, do you think she would like that?
Pawan Sharma: I have no information any thing else apart from our loans, Online Banking and e-savings accounts.
Pawan Sharma: Do you have any questions on these?
Customer: you are loyal to Massad, Pawan, but tell him this, i will find him, and he will feel a jews wrath.
Customer: cheerio
Pawan Sharma: Bye
|
Graham88
Member
Registered: 16th Apr 07
Location: South East Kent Drives: E46 M3
User status: Offline
|
quote:
Mohamed: wait wait one min
Mohamed: who gives you extra?
Mohamed Musthabeen: that is halifax
|
Robbo
Member
Registered: 6th Aug 02
Location: London
User status: Offline
|
Customer: you are loyal to Massad, Pawan, but tell him this, i will find him, and he will feel a jews wrath.
|
DannyB
Premium Member
Registered: 6th Feb 08
User status: Offline
|
I wonder if they have a thread up on the barclays forums, talking about all the conversations they had with strange english folk today.
|
Brett
Premium Member
Registered: 16th Dec 02
Location: Manchester
User status: Offline
|
quote:
Originally posted by Jakey
Not usually one to burst a bubble, but surely the proffesional who sent that last bit would of used capital letters at the start of the sentence and one for the name of a branch? Along with a full stop.
Well done bursting the bubble, Jakey 
|
shaunmods
Premium Member
Registered: 12th Mar 07
Location: Glascote, Staffordshire
User status: Offline
|
quote:
Originally posted by AdzJohnson
Stavros Papadopoulis: your not much of a specialist if your not helping shahanabanana
Shahana Anjum: You cannot insert money into your PC. You can transfer money into your e-savings Reward account from your other Barclays accounts within Online Banking, using the 'Transfer Money' function. You can also transfer money in by setting up a regular transfer or one off payment from your Barclays or other Bank accounts. You can only make payments and transfers out of your e-savings Reward via Online Banking, using the 'Transfer Money' and 'Pay a Bill or Someone' functions. Remember that as e-savings Reward is an Internet-only account all payments and withdrawals must be done online.You cannot use the account in a branch, via post or Telephone Banking.
Stavros Papadopoulis: i have no hands i cant set the transfers up can you help?
Shahana Anjum: My name is Shahana. Not shahanabanana.
Stavros Papadopoulis: Sorry shabnam
Fucking crying here!
|
BluKoo
Member
Registered: 8th Apr 02
Location: Stonehaven (Scotland)
User status: Offline
|
You have been connected to Santosh Kumar.
Santosh Kumar: Thank you for using Barclays Webchat Service. My name is Santosh, can I please ask what your name is?
Customer: Sure, if you like.
Santosh Kumar: There is no obligation to give me your name, when helping you today, how would you like me to address you?
Customer: King Tutu
Santosh Kumar: Hello King, how are you?
Customer: Very well thank you. Although my throne smells a little today.
Customer: How are you Santosh?
Santosh Kumar: I am very well. How can I help you?
Customer: Do you have any febreze?
Customer: I would like to freshen up my throne
Santosh Kumar: I am sorry we don't have any febreze for the throne.
Santosh Kumar: Do you have any questions related to our products or services?
Customer: Yes...
Customer: Do you take coconuts as payment for bank charges?
Santosh Kumar: I am sorry we don't take coconuts as payment.
Customer: King Tutu has no money; just large piles of coconuts
Customer: What alternatives are there?
Santosh Kumar: King Tutu, you can sell those coconuts and get the money.
Santosh Kumar: We don't deal with coconuts.
Santosh Kumar: If you continue to ask irrelevant questions, I will be forced to end the chat session.
Customer: Santosh.. do you mind me asking if you are a male or female?
Customer: I am not familiar with the name.
Santosh Kumar: Please let me know if you are looking to take out a loan or open an account with us.
Customer: Can i get a loan to buy a boat to get me off this island so i can get to the coconut market?
Santosh Kumar: If you are eligible, you can apply for a loan.
Santosh Kumar: Are you looking for a secured or an unsecured loan?
Customer: It would have to be secured. Otherwise it would float away.
Santosh Kumar: For a secured loan, please contact Freedom Finance at 0800 183 0513, Mon- Fri 09.00 - 20.00 & Sat 09.00 - 17.00 to get further information and to apply.
Santosh Kumar: Details of our call charges are available on the attached link.
http://www.personal.barclays.co.uk/BRC1/jsp/brccontrol?task=popup1group&value=9005&target=_blank&site=pfs
Customer: Thank you Santosh. If you ever come to my island, please feel free to come and visit.
Santosh Kumar: I will certainly visit your Island.
Customer: I am the man with the smelly throne sitting next to around 92,000 coconuts.
Customer: If you are femal, you can be my queen for the night.
Santosh Kumar: Unfortunately, I am a male.
Customer: Oh...
Santosh Kumar: Thank you King Tutu, for using Barclays Webchat Service.
Customer: King Tutu gets very lonely out here.
Customer: I'll try anything once. You bring the KY Jelly.
Santosh Kumar: Have a nice day!
|
FruitBooTeR
Member
Registered: 18th Jan 07
Location: Wolverhampton Drives: S15
User status: Offline
|
Omg this thread has been the highlight of my night
|
Graham88
Member
Registered: 16th Apr 07
Location: South East Kent Drives: E46 M3
User status: Offline
|
Blukoo
The bit about secured loan made me
|
