Mav 3000
Member
Registered: 16th Aug 01
Location: Leicestershire
User status: Offline
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Believe me - neither can I! Hes a dole bludger, shes from a good family. Hes no car, no qualifications, no ambition or anything, and she's happy to accept all this 'cos hes a nice guy!'
He was gonna live with her at uni in a shared house - I asked (based on my 4 years experience of uni life and living with a couple for 1 year) if it would affect her studies - she said "no" - I asked if the rest of the house will fel distanced and will not socialise wit you as much or visit your room if hes there - she said "no" - I said well what bout him being a dole bludger and not a student - will he fit in staying in the house all day doing nothing - she said "yes".
Luckily she hopefully won't be living with him anymore as there not properly 'together' right now - she says the only ereason Y is me.
I think she is aware I'm the better choice, but she can't hurt his feelings in fear of hurting him or him o.d.ing like he's done once before. when I ask if he's as good as me even tho im no cheater or druggie - she can only say "I don't Know".
Shes such a kind person, except when it comes to me I always have to take 2nd place!
he binge drinks vodka - not a social drinker, spends what money he has on himself - she says that doesn't matter.
there so opposite - he knows hes got someone way out of his league and doesn't deserve her. She uses any low-level tactic to keep her - emotional blackmail, manipulation etc - she tries to stay away sometimes but he just turns up - worming his way in using emotional stuff about needing her and wanting her back etc. He's such low-life scum - she however think's he'll do just fine - even though after proposing to her he then sleeps with another girl.
She won't tell her parents about his coke-habit or him cheating. Hes frineds with her brothers so is 'in' in that sense - she won't even tell her best mate he's a coke-head - even tho she looks for advice from her!
ARGH!! This is hurting my head so much, my heart - well, I fear for its health poor thing 
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Drew
Banned
Registered: 24th Nov 01
Location: County Durham
User status: Offline
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do u know her parents?
thou u telling them mite fuck things up between u and her, but certainly would between her and him
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Adam-D
Member
Registered: 11th May 02
Location: Cheshire
User status: Offline
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drew if he does that she may get mad at him for makin it worse or summit
i feel she needs to make decision herself
BUT if her parents were to talk to her "quite talk" just advice she may see the light
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Mav 3000
Member
Registered: 16th Aug 01
Location: Leicestershire
User status: Offline
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Well...
I haven't got her home number and she won't tell me it! Her parents have recently seperated, so her mum's gone back to her maiden name and she won't give it me! She knows I'd do it!
We talked about it often - she said she'd be angry with me if I did it, but it wouldn't last long hopfully.
today, we talked about if I told her mum, if she'd still see this guy behind her back - she said yes, but don't kwo if she would as she NEVER lies - shes a realy nice girl in that respect.
Over the last 14 weeks she's cut me out loads, but night nows a god spell compared. we arrange to meet, then something always comes up her he arives there fcuking it up.
I have thought about phoning the house but can't get their number from her address - 192.com etc. she knew if hes there and she isn't answering her mobile or she gives me a bad text and she doesn't wanna speak, she knows id use her home number to call her.
as for her address, I have it, but i can't send her mum a letter as although I could disguise it, her lack of maiden name will stop it reaching her.
Last week I sent an A4 letter with driving directions to my house in it and maps. in the fornt it read "Stop, before you settle for coke-fuelled unfaithful cheaters read this" but guess what! Instead of her family reading the envelope first, the post arrived as her and her boyfrined were leaving the house! He saw it, wasn't amused, but she now hides it in her room. I could try again, I'm so desperate. She says if i went down she won't see me, and i don't want to meet up like that anyway - I want it to be perfect if she choses to see me.
Im willing to sink to such levels Drew! I'm that desperate - anything i say is taken in, and processed, but nothing ever comes of it, or if it does, he worms his way back in and messes it up, and we go around the loop again - as we have now al summer. Missed out on so many things cos of this - let alone al the things you do in the summer with someone you love.
Should I mail her and her brothers and her mum more stuff? should i go down there or should I wait?
right now there out for a pizza to celebrate her mums birthday - he's invited by her mum, simply cos she doesn't know hes a cheating coke-head - and shes fineabout them not knowing - as this may ruin her 'ideal' or her fascade about him being a decent human being.
As you may guess this is really hard!
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dannycorsa c
Member
Registered: 8th Mar 03
Location: manchester (astley/tyldesley)
User status: Offline
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u can type for england cant ya
[Edited on 31-08-2003 by dannycorsa c]
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Mav 3000
Member
Registered: 16th Aug 01
Location: Leicestershire
User status: Offline
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I think her parent (she lives with her mum and doesn't see ehr dad much) has a lot of sway, I don't think she can see him behind her back cos she refuses to go on is bed to talk cos thats where it happened. I can't get her number or her maiden name though - should i just send loads of letters? she knows its in the course of true love and i hate this guy so much I'd kill him for what he is and what he's done, so if this rocks the boat I really don't care - I'd rather us be apart than her with him.
She makes the decision, then chages it before she drives up to see me - all summer this has been going on. I have to take the cancellations, the 2nd place everytime and carry on waiting - being there for her - if I have a go or vent my frustration she gets all mardy (mad) and doesn't talk - she locks up.
also, if I mention the cheating - she just wants to hang up - she wants to pretend it didn't happen - that the past version of this guy is who he is now, even though things ave changed.
This morning, I said if you went on Jerry Springer or trisha(!) and said whats going on, they would say even tho u may love him and want things liek they were before, they'd all say "leave him" - and if they knew I wanted her, and she loves me, then that juat makes it even more simple. she couldn't reply to this.
How can you help someone who doesn't want to be helped? Or does she? I compare here love for him and reason she doesn't leave to how people stay with drug dealers or abusive partners - how they don't know any better and love them so they put up with their crap.
What else can I do? (apart form show her this thread!)
[Edited on 31-08-2003 by Mav 3000]
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Mav 3000
Member
Registered: 16th Aug 01
Location: Leicestershire
User status: Offline
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(I can type loads yes - sorry - especially when theres so much to say!)
It gives everyone something to read though 
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Drew
Banned
Registered: 24th Nov 01
Location: County Durham
User status: Offline
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mav - if shes over 18 - i have a database of most of the people in country - with addresses etc - so maybe could find out her address and get number from that
ps aint read all of wot u wrote above yet
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Drew
Banned
Registered: 24th Nov 01
Location: County Durham
User status: Offline
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oh just read and u know her addy - no matter
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Drew
Banned
Registered: 24th Nov 01
Location: County Durham
User status: Offline
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how about set up a convo with the lass on msn, asking about her lad - all the drugs etc - and email that to her bro/mum???
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Mav 3000
Member
Registered: 16th Aug 01
Location: Leicestershire
User status: Offline
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Drew that sounds like a good idea, but i don't knwo the family's email addys.
If you can get her number from her address then great - I'll do anything, but the 192.com search doesn't do anything I can't go down there myself cos she's not ready, and I don't want s to meet like that.
She asked "If you were just a friend, what wold you tell me to do". I said - leave him, simply cos of the coke, let alone the cheating, engaged, his bed etc thing.
SO CORSASPORT:
If you were just this girls friend, would you tell her to stay with her boyfrined who does crack, binge drinks leaving her alone while he's money and has cheated on her one week after getting engaged to her, knowing she will never be taken out for meals, cinema or driven anywhere, or should she leave him no matter how hard it may at first be and give me a chance, knowing we talk daily for hours and we 'click' perfectly in every way??
I'll show her this thread if the results are plentiful!
Help me out
[Edited on 31-08-2003 by Mav 3000]
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Adam-D
Member
Registered: 11th May 02
Location: Cheshire
User status: Offline
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she shud leave him and he shud be put into re-hab
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the_legend_of_yrag
Member
Registered: 7th Jul 03
Location: Cambridgeshire
User status: Offline
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I know the feeling. Was with my ex for 5 months and i know her inside out, she knew me inside out, were great together.
Then i go and dump her at midnight one saturday night for a stupid reason, Still txting and phoning her, broke her heart, wudnt get back with me. Eventually she moves an hour away from me. But wont get back with me coz she feels it wont work. This was last september, and now this september we are still txtin, supposedly love each other still, and she moves back this wednesday.
I need her back, but im afraid shes not gunna want me, havnt seen her since last october. Shit im only 17 and i think im in love. Mabey i am?
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Mav 3000
Member
Registered: 16th Aug 01
Location: Leicestershire
User status: Offline
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When I first met her she was 16 and I was 19. I could have gone out with her, but I was scared of a relationship and didn't know I wanted her like that unlike now.
It kills me not only to think that I could be with her now, but the person she then met instead is the biggest loser I've ever heard of and doesn't deserve her.
Its the worst feeling ever and theres pretty much nothing I can do
[Edited on 31-08-2003 by Mav 3000]
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Mav 3000
Member
Registered: 16th Aug 01
Location: Leicestershire
User status: Offline
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Can everyoe post their opinions of what she should do please? I want to show her this thread but its not got enough replies yet.
Thanks!
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Lynny
Member
Registered: 3rd Jan 03
Location: oop north! Where people talk properly
User status: Offline
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iv only skim-read a couple of posts on here, but from what i can tell she should get rid of that loser before she ends up gettin hurt. once a cheater, always a cheater, he'll do it more, then feign a suicide or whatever to get her attention and she'll keep running back, she needs to get out of it while she can (before they are married, have kids, etc)
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transca
Member
Registered: 28th Dec 00
Location: rotherham
User status: Offline
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I think this song was wrote for you
You're better off without him
Don't call him
He's breaking your heart.
He's hanging with your best friend
And you're waiting there
It's tearing you apart.
He lied to you a thousand times,
When I was there he kept you waiting.
And I'm still here waiting there
To catch you if you fall.
I don't know why I care so much
When I shouldn't care at all.
Finally got the nerve to tell you
How much you mean to me
You said that I was your best friend,
A real sweet guy
But that's all I'd ever be.
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Nath
Member
Registered: 3rd Apr 02
Location: MK
User status: Offline
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Those lyrics are relevant to my situation!
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Mav 3000
Member
Registered: 16th Aug 01
Location: Leicestershire
User status: Offline
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What tunes that Transca? It hits the spot very well
More opinions highly appreciated - thanks to all so far, Transca etc.
Blode; its good to hear a female opinion too thanks
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transca
Member
Registered: 28th Dec 00
Location: rotherham
User status: Offline
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its called your boyfriend sucks by the ataris, check out there 2nd album blue skies, broken hearts..... next 12 exits, full of songs like that
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transca
Member
Registered: 28th Dec 00
Location: rotherham
User status: Offline
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Last night I had a dream that we went to Disneyland,
Went on all the rides, didn't have to wait in line.
I drove you to your house where we stared up at the stars
I listened to your heartbeat as I held you in my arms.
We hung out at the rainbow where we drank til' half past two.
Nothing could go wrong anytime that I'm with you.
Like crashing a hotel room or leading up to that first kiss
Or searching for a high school that you know doesn't exist...
These are the things that make me free
I feel like I'm stuck in "stand by me"
This night was too good to be true.
Today I woke up alone wishing you were here with me,
I wanted us to be something that we'd probably never be.
Today you called me up and said you'd see me at our show,
But now I'm stuck debating if I even wanna go.
Whitney, don't you understand that what I say is true?
I just want you to know I have a major crush on you.
I'd drive you to Las Vegas and do the things you wanna do
I'd even have Wayne Newton dedicate a song to you.
I only wish that this could be
Just dump your boyfriend and go out with me
I swear I'd treat you like a queen.
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Mav 3000
Member
Registered: 16th Aug 01
Location: Leicestershire
User status: Offline
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I think this girls main problem is she is simply unable to see past the present. She loved him, probably still does. I think she wants who he was - now - except he's chaged, but she can't walk away.
She simply can't see that walking away from him, even though she cares, is the best thing t do - even for him - cos it'll never tbe the same again.
She refuses to see that if she leaves him, she'll have me as a best friend more than anything - to help her be strong and get over him. I told her loads about how I got over my ex on my own even though I still loved her, and that when she has to do it she'll have me, but she won't hurt his feelings, even if it's the best option, even though he hurt her so badly by cheating on her.
shes tried breaking up, but gets sucked back in by his manilulation - can't blame the loser - she's amazing, hes a loser of the lowest kind - the kind that should be put down as he contributes nothing to anyone.
Anything he can offer her I can better I know it, and so does she when were talking, but she just can't see that if she goes thru a little bit of effort, gets over him, keeps away, then she'll be so much happier long-term. she's blinkered and is trying to form a 'make-shirt' present form a nostalgic "hide the bad points" past.
Please contribute to this thread - what she should do - even if its obvious - from persoanal experinece, opions - whatever.
Thanks.
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Mav 3000
Member
Registered: 16th Aug 01
Location: Leicestershire
User status: Offline
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This goes quite well too:
This girl I know needs some shelter
She don't believe anyone can help her
She's doing so much harm, doing so much damage
But you don't want to get involved
You tell her she can manage
And you can't change the way she feels
But you could put your arms around her
I know you want to live yourself, But could you forgive yourself
If you left her just the way, You found her
I stand in front of you
I'll take the force of the blow
Protection
You're a boy and i'm a girl, But you know you can lean on me
And I don't have no fear, I'll take on any man here
Who says that's not the way it should be
I stand in front of you
I'll take the force of the blow
Protection
She's a girl and you're a boy, Sometimes you look so small, look so small
You've got a baby of your own, When your baby's grown, she'll be the one
To catch you when you fall
I stand in front of you
I'll take the force of the blow
Protection
Sometimes you look so small, need some shelter
Just runnin' round and round, helter skelter
And I've leaned on me, Now you can lean on me
And that's more than love, that's the way
It should be
Now I can't change the way you think
But I can put my arms around you
That's just part of the deal
That's the way I feel
I put my arms around you
I stand in front of you
I'll take the force of the blow
Protection
You're a boy and i'm a girl
[Edited on 31-08-2003 by Mav 3000]
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Kris TD
Member
Registered: 25th Mar 02
Location: Ware, Hertfordshire
User status: Offline
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mav, maybe she is scared of leaving him, one of my close friends is seeing some absolute twat, hes been locked up several time, but last tiem she broke up with him she ended up having stiches, this bloke could do with being shot. he just has a way of getting her back, its got to the point where i cant even ring her/ text her cos if he finds out shes in contact with another bloke, friend or not he gets violent, its so sad. i have to speak to her sis if i want to here from her.
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Mav 3000
Member
Registered: 16th Aug 01
Location: Leicestershire
User status: Offline
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This for her about her amazing cheating druggie of a boyfriend:
It's not what you thought
When you first began it
You got what you want
Now you can hardly stand it,
Though,
By now you know,
It's not going to stop
It's not going to stop
It's not going to stop,
Till you wise up
You're sure there's a cure
And you have finally found it
You think one drink
Will shrink you to your underground
And living down, but it's not going to stop
It's not going to stop
It's not going to stop,
Till you wise up
Prepare a list for what you need,
Before you sign away the deed,
'Cause it's not going to stop
It's not going to stop
It's not going to stop,
Till you wise up
No, it's not going to stop,
Till you wise up
No, it's not going to stop,
So just give up
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