Jason Iles
Member
Registered: 19th Jun 01
Location: Bristol
User status: Offline
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The Sunday School Teacher was speaking to her class one Sunday morning
> and she asked the question,
> "When you die and go to heaven, which part of your body goes first"?
> Suzie raised her hand and said, "I think it's your hands"
> "Why do you think it's your hands, Suzie"?
> Suzie replied, "Because when you pray, you hold your hands together in
> front of you and God just takes your hands first"!
> "What a wonderful answer" the teacher said.
> Tommy raised his hand and said, "Teacher, I think it's your legs"
> The teacher glared at him with the strangest look on her face.
> "Now Tommy why do you think it would be your legs"?
> Tommy said, "Well, I walked into Mummy and Daddy's bedroom the other
> night, Mummy had her legs straight up in the air and she was saying "Oh
> God, I'm coming". If Daddy hadn't had her pinned down, we'd have lost
> her.
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Sooty
Banned
Registered: 9th Mar 03
Location: FLAP CENTRAL
User status: Offline
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 qualtiy
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Tommy
Member
Registered: 24th Aug 00
Location: Essex, Colchester
User status: Offline
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Brillaint 10/10
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Adam-D
Member
Registered: 11th May 02
Location: Cheshire
User status: Offline
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vry good
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antonOO2
Member
Registered: 17th Sep 02
Location: Midlands
User status: Offline
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yep 10/10
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Cybermonkey
Member
Registered: 22nd Sep 02
Location: Sydney, Australia
User status: Offline
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he he!!
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Nismo
Member
Registered: 12th Sep 02
User status: Offline
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Icy
Member
Registered: 31st Jan 01
Location: Edinburgh Drives: Mk3 Golf Gti
User status: Offline
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Marcus_Foster
Member
Registered: 14th Apr 02
Location: Bristol.....Drives: BMW E46
User status: Offline
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BabyBlade
Member
Registered: 5th Feb 03
Location: Hereford Rides: Ninja 600
User status: Offline
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Why do Terry's make white chocolate oranges?
Its so at Christmas black kids can get mucky too 
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daimj69
Member
Registered: 20th Jan 01
Location: UK
User status: Offline
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OK not the best, but here goes...
A blind man walked into a bank with his seeing-eye dog that guided him everywhere. He walked into the center of the bank floor, took the dog by the chain, and started swinging him around his head.
Everyone stopped what they were doing and stared. The other customers were taken back and some were very upset at the way the animal was being treated. A member of staff ran up to the blind man and asked, "Sir, what are you doing!?!"
The man turned toward the staff member and said, "Oh, nothing, just looking around."
Bye,
Dai.
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sxi16vjoe
Member
Registered: 16th Dec 02
Location: Kent
User status: Offline
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Adam-D
Member
Registered: 11th May 02
Location: Cheshire
User status: Offline
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Jason Iles
Member
Registered: 19th Jun 01
Location: Bristol
User status: Offline
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Brett
Premium Member
Registered: 16th Dec 02
Location: Manchester
User status: Offline
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ok..maybe long
a man is sat in a bar, pissed out of his head.
bartender says "think you've had enough now, go home"
so the guy steps off his seat, falls flat on his face on the floor.
try's again, falls over again.
so he crawls to the door, tries to get up, falls flat on his arse again.
he only lives a couple of streets away so he crawls home.
gets to front door, tries to get up, falls again!
so he crawls to be and goes to sleep.
wife comes in next day and wakes him up.
wife: "you've been drinkin again haven't
you"
man: "what makes you say that?"
wife: "barman phoned, you've left your wheelchair at the bar again"
[Edited on 04-04-2003 by loafofbrett]
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Cybermonkey
Member
Registered: 22nd Sep 02
Location: Sydney, Australia
User status: Offline
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LOL!!!!
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Phil Hall
Member
Registered: 28th Sep 01
Location: Belfast
User status: Offline
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What do you call a fanny on top of a fanny on top of a fanny on top of a fanny?
A block of flaps
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Brett
Premium Member
Registered: 16th Dec 02
Location: Manchester
User status: Offline
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what do you call the useless piece of skin around the vagina?
a woman
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Phil Hall
Member
Registered: 28th Sep 01
Location: Belfast
User status: Offline
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The Origin of 'WOMAN'
One day, after a near eternity in the Garden of Eden, Adam calls out to God, "Lord, I have a problem."
"What's the problem, Adam?", God replies.
Lord, I know you created me and have provided for me and surrounded me with this beautiful garden and all of these wonderful animals, but I'm just not happy"
"Why is that, Adam?", comes the reply from the heavens.
"Lord, I know you created this place for me, with all this lovely food and all of the beautiful animals, but I am lonely."
"Well Adam, in that case I have the perfect solution. I shall create a 'woman' for you."
"What's a 'woman', Lord?"
"This 'woman' will be the most intelligent, sensitive, caring, and beautiful creature I have ever created. She will be so intelligent that she can figure out what you want before you want it. She will be so sensitive and caring that she will know your every mood and how to make you happy.
Her beauty will rival that of the heavens and earth. She will un- questioningly care for your every need and desire. She will be the perfect companion for you.", replies the heavenly voice.
"Sounds great."
"She will be, but this is going to cost you, Adam."
"How much will this 'woman' cost me Lord?", Adam replies.
"She'll cost you your right arm, your right leg, an eye, an ear, and your left testicle."
Adam ponders this for some time, with a look of deep thought and concern on his face. Finally Adam says to God, "Ehhh, what can I get for a rib?"
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Cybermonkey
Member
Registered: 22nd Sep 02
Location: Sydney, Australia
User status: Offline
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Yo momma's so fat,
she makes Big Bird look like a rubber duck
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Cybermonkey
Member
Registered: 22nd Sep 02
Location: Sydney, Australia
User status: Offline
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Do you ever wonder what life would be like if you'd had enough oxygen at birth?
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Phil Hall
Member
Registered: 28th Sep 01
Location: Belfast
User status: Offline
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Yo mamma's so fat I burnt my arse on the lightbulb last night!
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Cybermonkey
Member
Registered: 22nd Sep 02
Location: Sydney, Australia
User status: Offline
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Yo momma's so fat,
when she runs she makes the CD player skip... at the radio station
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Cybermonkey
Member
Registered: 22nd Sep 02
Location: Sydney, Australia
User status: Offline
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Yo momma's so fat,
she's got smaller fat women orbiting around her.
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Cybermonkey
Member
Registered: 22nd Sep 02
Location: Sydney, Australia
User status: Offline
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Yo momma's so fat,
her cereal bowl came with a lifeguard.
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