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Author Sick Joke Thread
Bonney
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Registered: 14th Nov 04
Location: St Helens
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18th Feb 09 at 20:08   View User's Profile U2U Member Reply With Quote
First thing this morning, there was a tap on my door.
Funny sense of humour my plumber has.



I'm going to go rob a bank tomorrow.
I plan on dressing up in a clown wig and make up and only wearing a thong and nipple tassels.
I'll carry a goat and a can of fluorescent paint in one arm and, while in the bank, I'm going to fuck the goat and throw the paint over the walls, all the time ripping up pages of a phonebook and swearing my head off. After getting the money, I'll take a shit on the floor and piss everywhere. I then will escape in a van shaped like a giant pink cock.

Let's see Crimewatch fucking stage a reconstruction of that.

[Edited on 18-02-2009 by Bonney66]
Mike
Organiser: North West and North Wales
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Registered: 20th May 06
Location: nr. Skipton, North Yorkshire
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18th Feb 09 at 20:10   View Garage View User's Profile U2U Member Reply With Quote
LMAO
deano87
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Registered: 21st Oct 06
Location: Bedfordshire Drives: Ford Fiesta
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18th Feb 09 at 20:12   View User's Profile U2U Member Reply With Quote
Some of these are hilarious

My favourite though:
quote:
Originally posted by SR-91
Why is Peter Andre like a KFC meal?

Cause he comes in a bucket

Bonney
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Registered: 14th Nov 04
Location: St Helens
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18th Feb 09 at 20:15   View User's Profile U2U Member Reply With Quote
Eighteen year old virgin.
No recollection from the victim.
No witnesses.

Carlsberg don't do rapes....
Jakey
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Registered: 4th Jun 07
Location: Sandbach
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18th Feb 09 at 20:16   View Garage View User's Profile U2U Member Reply With Quote
Bonney
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Registered: 14th Nov 04
Location: St Helens
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18th Feb 09 at 20:21   View User's Profile U2U Member Reply With Quote
A bit more appropriate to a car site

Shhhhhh!!.......
Don't tell anyone...... I'm gonna go down on you....
...And you're gonna love it...........
........But it's only going to be long enough to let you start enjoying it........
....Then I'm gonna come back up again and fuck you big time.....

Lots of love,
Petrol prices xx
Bonney
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Registered: 14th Nov 04
Location: St Helens
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18th Feb 09 at 20:28   View User's Profile U2U Member Reply With Quote
I wanked over a blind girl yesterday.

She never saw me coming.
mattk
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Registered: 27th Feb 06
Location: St. Helens
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18th Feb 09 at 20:30   View User's Profile U2U Member Reply With Quote
omg Bonney shut up!
Bonney
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Registered: 14th Nov 04
Location: St Helens
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18th Feb 09 at 20:31   View User's Profile U2U Member Reply With Quote
What, i was bored, Seemed like the thing to do at the time
deano87
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Registered: 21st Oct 06
Location: Bedfordshire Drives: Ford Fiesta
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18th Feb 09 at 20:31   View User's Profile U2U Member Reply With Quote
What's worse than 10 babies in 1 bin?

1 baby in 10 bins.
J da Silva
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Registered: 10th Apr 03
Location: The FACTory
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18th Feb 09 at 20:32   View User's Profile U2U Member Reply With Quote
quote:
Originally posted by deano87
What's worse than 10 babies in 1 bin?

1 baby in 10 bins.



Ooooo that tingled me that one!
Bonney
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Registered: 14th Nov 04
Location: St Helens
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18th Feb 09 at 20:32   View User's Profile U2U Member Reply With Quote
I was walking down the road when I saw an Afghan bloke standing on a fifth floor balcony shaking a carpet.

I shouted up to him, "What's up Abdul, won't it fucking start?"
Mike
Organiser: North West and North Wales
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Registered: 20th May 06
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18th Feb 09 at 20:35   View Garage View User's Profile U2U Member Reply With Quote
That one is ace
fir3vip3r
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Registered: 14th Jun 06
Location: Stevenage, Hertfordshire
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18th Feb 09 at 20:36   View User's Profile U2U Member Reply With Quote
bonneys owned this thread

love it
deano87
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Registered: 21st Oct 06
Location: Bedfordshire Drives: Ford Fiesta
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18th Feb 09 at 20:36   View User's Profile U2U Member Reply With Quote
quote:
Originally posted by Bonney66
I was walking down the road when I saw an Afghan bloke standing on a fifth floor balcony shaking a carpet.

I shouted up to him, "What's up Abdul, won't it fucking start?"
Jakey
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Registered: 4th Jun 07
Location: Sandbach
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18th Feb 09 at 20:36   View Garage View User's Profile U2U Member Reply With Quote
quote:
Originally posted by Mike B
That one is ace


Im crying over here
Bonney
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18th Feb 09 at 20:37   View User's Profile U2U Member Reply With Quote
Russ
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18th Feb 09 at 20:37   View User's Profile U2U Member Reply With Quote
quote:
Originally posted by Bonney66
I was walking down the road when I saw an Afghan bloke standing on a fifth floor balcony shaking a carpet.

I shouted up to him, "What's up Abdul, won't it fucking start?"
magic carpets are from Arabic stories not Afghan ones..
deano87
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Registered: 21st Oct 06
Location: Bedfordshire Drives: Ford Fiesta
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18th Feb 09 at 20:44   View User's Profile U2U Member Reply With Quote
quote:
Originally posted by Russ
quote:
Originally posted by Bonney66
I was walking down the road when I saw an Afghan bloke standing on a fifth floor balcony shaking a carpet.

I shouted up to him, "What's up Abdul, won't it fucking start?"
magic carpets are from Arabic stories not Afghan ones..

Same thing
ShEp
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Registered: 9th Aug 05
Location: Dingwall, Highland
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18th Feb 09 at 21:28   View User's Profile U2U Member Reply With Quote
What have Gareth gates and Harold Shipman got in common?

Neither of them can finish a sentence.
ShEp
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Registered: 9th Aug 05
Location: Dingwall, Highland
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18th Feb 09 at 21:29   View User's Profile U2U Member Reply With Quote
ShEp
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18th Feb 09 at 21:30   View User's Profile U2U Member Reply With Quote
What has 4 legs and one arm?

A doberman in a playground,
ShEp
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Location: Dingwall, Highland
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18th Feb 09 at 21:30   View User's Profile U2U Member Reply With Quote
What do you call an Ethiopian with a swollen toe?

Golf club.
ShEp
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Registered: 9th Aug 05
Location: Dingwall, Highland
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18th Feb 09 at 21:30   View User's Profile U2U Member Reply With Quote
How do you know if you're at a gay picnic?

The hotdogs all taste like shit!
redhotpanther
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Registered: 18th Aug 08
Location: Lincolnshire
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18th Feb 09 at 21:34   View User's Profile U2U Member Reply With Quote
Some quality jokes in this thread!!

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