DizzyRebel
Member
Registered: 2nd Jan 09
Location: Lincoln
User status: Offline
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mattk
Member
Registered: 27th Feb 06
Location: St. Helens
User status: Offline
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pmsl got better since the last time I looked
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Colin
Member
Registered: 4th Apr 02
User status: Offline
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Busload of mentally-handicapped kids stops at a hotel. The driver walks in and orders steak and chips.
"What about the vegetables?" asks the waiter.
"FUCK THEM the driver says - They'll have cheese butties."
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mart08uk
Member
Registered: 10th Jan 08
Location: N/A
User status: Offline
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quote:
Originally posted by John
quote:
Originally posted by mart08uk
lololololol
A man trecks through the desert on a donkey, finds a town to stop in to rest, when a small pakistani man asks if he can have a go on the travellers donkey. The man replies yes sure then they both go there seperate ways.
Later that day they return and the pakistani man says, this is a strong donkey for a female... Then the traveller replies "how did you know she is female"... the pakistani replies well when riding through a local town people were shouting "LOOK AT THE CUNT ON THE BACK OF THAT DONKEY"
 
Is that even a joke mate or just some words thrown together?
you not get it  i wouldnt say its hard to understand...
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J da Silva
Member
Registered: 10th Apr 03
Location: The FACTory
User status: Offline
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Meow!
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mart08uk
Member
Registered: 10th Jan 08
Location: N/A
User status: Offline
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i would prefer woof 
[Edited on 19-02-2009 by mart08uk]
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J da Silva
Member
Registered: 10th Apr 03
Location: The FACTory
User status: Offline
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I don't see any relevance there?
You made a catty comment, so what's a friggin' dog mermure got to do with this?
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mart08uk
Member
Registered: 10th Jan 08
Location: N/A
User status: Offline
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wasnt meant to be chatty, was a simple reply. and as stated i prefer "woof" than "meow" ?
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J da Silva
Member
Registered: 10th Apr 03
Location: The FACTory
User status: Offline
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Chatty?
Do chillout young sir, I'm just fed up and 3hrs behind, I'm wide awake and the UK is asleep.
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mart08uk
Member
Registered: 10th Jan 08
Location: N/A
User status: Offline
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quote:
Originally posted by J da Silva
Chatty?
Do chillout young sir, I'm just fed up and 3hrs behind, I'm wide awake and the UK is asleep.
Im as "chilled" as possible sitting here with my brew, im not unhappy or being bitchy .. People these days take things far too seriously 
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Pete_vxl
Member
Registered: 24th Nov 06
Location: Lochgelly, Fife
User status: Offline
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you guys have the cheek to argue about a petty thing like that in this thread haha! some of these are quality... some are right on the bone.
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Pip308
Member
Registered: 25th Oct 07
Location: Basingstoke Drives: Audi A4 Avant, Mk1 Caddy
User status: Offline
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whats funnier than a baby falling off a cliff?
catching it on a pitchfork!
Whats the difference between a baby and a watermelon?
ones fun to hit with a sledgehammer, the other is a watermelon
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_Allan_
Member
Registered: 24th Mar 04
User status: Offline
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What's the best thing about Paedophilia?
Your dick looks huge in the photographs!
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Paul_J
Member
Registered: 6th Jun 02
Location: London
User status: Offline
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fucking hell this thread is awesome
Only just read it
What's the difference between a speed camera and a woman?
... At least with a woman you can see the cunt behind the bush!
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antnee
Member
Registered: 30th Dec 07
Location: Cov Drives: Clio 197
User status: Offline
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quote:
Originally posted by _Allan_
What's the best thing about Paedophilia?
Your dick looks huge in the photographs!
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antnee
Member
Registered: 30th Dec 07
Location: Cov Drives: Clio 197
User status: Offline
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quote:
Originally posted by DizzyRebel
The pakkis prayer:
Our father, who art in leicster, patel be thy name. Thy curry come, thy stinging bum, on earth as it is in hyson green. Give us this our daily naan, and forgive us our smell, and all those who hold our smell against us, and lead us not into employment, but deliver us all benefits. For thine is the prayer mat, the nissan almera, forever and ever... AHMED AHMED
I think only east midlands people will understand that!
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SR91
Member
Registered: 21st Jun 08
Location: Lancashire.
User status: Offline
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My dog kept getting up in the middle of the night and setting the house alarm off. My wife told me to disable it, so I broke its legs with a golf club.
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jibjob
Member
Registered: 6th Apr 08
Location: Elworth, Cheshire
User status: Offline
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paddy and his wife are woken up in the middle of the night by the neighbours dog in the back garden barking.
after 10mins of trying to ignore it he turns to his wife and says "fuck this im going to do something about the little fucker".
5mins later he comes back and his wife says "its still barking what did you do?"
he calmly turns to his wife and says "ive put it in our back garden so how they fucking like it!"
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SR91
Member
Registered: 21st Jun 08
Location: Lancashire.
User status: Offline
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Not really 'sick' but...
I broke into and robbed a large shop in Ireland last week.
I nearly got caught, the police had covered all the exits, so I escaped through the entrance.
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Two Irishmen walking past a Police Station.
A big poster at the front reads "Two Blackmen wanted for rape!"
Paddy turns to Mick and says "Dem Fokkers always get the best jobs".
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"Can I have some Irish Sausages, please?" asked the Irishman, walking up to the counter.
The assistant looked at him and asked: "Are you Irish?"
"If I had asked you for Italian sausage, would you ask me if I was Italian?" demanded the Irishman indignantly.
"Or, if I asked for German Bratwurst, would you ask me if I was German?"
Then, warming to his theme, he went on: "Or if I asked you for a Kosher hot dog, would you ask me if I was Jewish?"
"Or, if I asked you for a taco, would you ask me if I was Mexican?
The assistant said: "Well, no."
"And if I asked you for frogs legs, would you ask me if I was French?"
"What about Danish Bacon, would you ask me if I was Danish?"
"Well no, I probably wouldn't" conceded the assistant.
The Irishman says: "Well, all right then, why did you ask me if I'm Irish
just because I asked for Irish sausages?"
The assistant replied: "Because you're in fucking Homebase"
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Paddy says to Murphy, "Set the alarm for five in the morning."
Murphy replies, "Shut up you fucking idiot, there's only two of us."
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Paddy pulls alongside a lorry and shouts 'Oi, driver! You're losing your load!' Driver says 'Fuck off!'
5 miles further along, Paddy again shouts ' Oi, you're losing your load!' Driver again says 'Fuck off!'
5 miles further along, Paddy yells 'I'm not joking! Honestly, you are losing your load!'
Driver then shouts 'Will you go away you thick Irish cunt, I'm gritting!'
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deano87
Member
Registered: 21st Oct 06
Location: Bedfordshire Drives: Ford Fiesta
User status: Offline
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quote:
Originally posted by mattk
How many jews can you fit in a VW Beetle?
54, two in the front, two in the back, and fifty in the ashtray
quote:
Originally posted by DizzyRebel
A nun is sitting on a train opposite a nigger who is eating a bag of prawns. Everytime he eats one he spits the tail out at her and she throws it out the window. Eventually she gets pissed off and pulls the emergency cord. The nigger looks at her and says "you'll get fined £50 for that you stupid slut" and laughs. She laughs back and says "when i cry rape and they smell your fingers you'll get 10 years you black bastard."
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sib
Member
Registered: 6th Jun 08
Location: abingdon
User status: Offline
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what do you call a paki in a dust bin?
Rumajin
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sib
Member
Registered: 6th Jun 08
Location: abingdon
User status: Offline
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Paddy and Mick strolling along the road
Paddy stops, stoops down and picks up a big freshly laid dogs shit and says
"Fuck me Mick, look what I could have stood in."
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sib
Member
Registered: 6th Jun 08
Location: abingdon
User status: Offline
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What's the difference between a cricket ball and a ginger pussy?
If you try really hard, and I mean really fucking hard, you can actually eat a cricket ball.
A girl asks her father if she can borrow the car to go to the mall one Saturday morning. He says,
"Sure, but you know what you gotta do for it." She gets down on her knees and proceeds to give him a blow job. She stops and says,
"Dad, your dick tastes like shit!" He says, "Yeah, your brother borrowed the car last night."
I was in a club recently and saw a rather attractive girl so I walked over to her and said "get your coat."
She said, "let me guess, you've pulled?"
I said, "no...I just don't want you to be cold after I rape you!"
Every year, 40 Americans die in avalanches.
But every year,100 Europeans die in avalanches.
One more thing on the list that we do better than the Americans.
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sib
Member
Registered: 6th Jun 08
Location: abingdon
User status: Offline
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Apparently, in the states a chimpanzee has brutally attacked a woman, nearly killing her while mauling her face...
...But enough about Chris Brown.
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sib
Member
Registered: 6th Jun 08
Location: abingdon
User status: Offline
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i shall stop now before i get myself into trouble 
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