Tomnova16
Premium Member
Registered: 21st Jan 06
Location: Gerrards Cross Drives: Porsche 911
User status: Offline
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Gay Ray goes to the doctor to get his test results. Doc says, "Sorry Gay Ray but you've got Aids!" Gay Ray is devastated & asks what to do. Doc says," Eat a sausage, a cabbage, 2O jalapeno peppers, 4O walnuts, a tin of baked beans, a box of All Bran & a gallon of prune juice." Gay Ray asks, "Will this cure me?" Doc says, "No,but it'll give you a better understanding of what your arse is for"
http://www.lemass.co.uk/ for all your automotive/bodyshop needs
Located in Chalfont st Peter
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Mike
Organiser: North West and North Wales
Premium Member
Registered: 20th May 06
Location: nr. Skipton, North Yorkshire
User status: Offline
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Ingham
Banned
Registered: 9th May 08
Location: Burnley, Lancashire
User status: Offline
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Just left the wife in tears slicing onions. Wouldn't have needed to punch her had she diced them like I asked.
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nathy_87
Member
Registered: 14th Aug 08
Location: West Mids. Drives: Škoda Fabia VRS 5J
User status: Offline
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Bissmire
Member
Registered: 30th Sep 08
User status: Offline
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I've just got back from the Disco, being held by the Institute of Women born without legs.
It was crawling with pussy.
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Bissmire
Member
Registered: 30th Sep 08
User status: Offline
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A couple are having sex outside at night, when the man says 'I wish I had a torch'
The women replies, 'so do I, you've been licking that slug on the grass for the last ten minutes'.
[Edited on 02-11-2010 by Bissmire]
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Bissmire
Member
Registered: 30th Sep 08
User status: Offline
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What's the difference between Lily Allen and a milf?
About 3 months.....
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mike56gte
Member
Registered: 23rd Jun 09
Location: Fife, scotland Drives: Audi S3
User status: Offline
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quote:
Originally posted by Bissmire
What's the difference between Lily Allen and a milf?
About 3 months.....
oooooohhhhh!!!!!
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sc0ott
Member
Registered: 16th Feb 09
User status: Offline
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at this page.
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Bissmire
Member
Registered: 30th Sep 08
User status: Offline
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Too soon?
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mike56gte
Member
Registered: 23rd Jun 09
Location: Fife, scotland Drives: Audi S3
User status: Offline
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Harry answers the telephone, and it's an Emergency Room doctor.
The doctor says: "Your wife was in a serious car accident, and I have bad news and good news. The bad news is she has lost all use of both arms and both legs, and will need help eating and going to the bathroom for the rest of her life."
Harry says, "My God. What's the good news?"
The doctor says, "I'm kidding. She's dead."
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Tomnova16
Premium Member
Registered: 21st Jan 06
Location: Gerrards Cross Drives: Porsche 911
User status: Offline
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PMSL
http://www.lemass.co.uk/ for all your automotive/bodyshop needs
Located in Chalfont st Peter
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Bissmire
Member
Registered: 30th Sep 08
User status: Offline
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This man pulls up in his Merc beside a little boy.
He opens the door, holds out a brown paper bag of sweets and says, "Hey kid, if I give you a sweetie, will you come in my car."
The kid replies, "Gimme the bag and I'll come in your mouth!"
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alan-g-w
Member
Registered: 9th Nov 07
Location: Glasgow
User status: Offline
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belters
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MarkSport
Member
Registered: 22nd May 09
User status: Offline
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On April 1st 2009 Stacy goes into labor, and after 5 hours of labor she finally dives birth. As soon as its out the doctor grabs it and starts shaking it like crazy, then he starts throwing it up in the air like someone's tossing a pizza dough, and then he starts hitting the baby's head against the wall. Incredulous, the mother shouts out, "What in the fuck are you doing!?" As soon as she says that the doctor stops and gets a huge grin and says, "April Fools!!! Your baby was already dead."
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chris_uk
Premium Member
Registered: 8th Jul 03
User status: Offline
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quote:
Originally posted by MarkSport
On April 1st 2009 Stacy goes into labor, and after 5 hours of labor she finally dives birth. As soon as its out the doctor grabs it and starts shaking it like crazy, then he starts throwing it up in the air like someone's tossing a pizza dough, and then he starts hitting the baby's head against the wall. Incredulous, the mother shouts out, "What in the fuck are you doing!?" As soon as she says that the doctor stops and gets a huge grin and says, "April Fools!!! Your baby was already dead."
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MarkSport
Member
Registered: 22nd May 09
User status: Offline
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What kind of file do you use to make a small hole larger
A Pedophile
Why did the guy buy his wife, a coat and a dildo for her birthday?
He figured if she dont like coat, she could go fuck herself
What does a 9 volt battery and a womans asshole have in common ??
You know it's wrong but sooner or later you are going to touch it with your tongue!!
Naked woman looking in the bedroom mirror says to her husband "I look horrible, fat and ugly. Pay me a compliment"
Husband replies "Your eyesights fucking spot on."
Man goes into brothel in Amsterdam and asks the madam for the fattest bird with the saggiest tits and a minge like a ripped out old fireplace, the madam says "feeling kinky sir?"
"No" replies the man, "just fucking homesick" !
For sale - Complete set of Encyclopedias 45 volumes. Excellent condition. £1000 ONO. NO longer needed, got married, wife knows fucking everything.
[Edited on 05-11-2010 by MarkSport]
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ashleh
Member
Registered: 23rd Dec 08
Location: Nottingham
User status: Offline
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Some of you people making jokes about Lily Allen losing her baby is just wrong.
It's not fair and I think you're really mean.
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mike56gte
Member
Registered: 23rd Jun 09
Location: Fife, scotland Drives: Audi S3
User status: Offline
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quote:
Originally posted by ashleh
Some of you people making jokes about Lily Allen losing her baby is just wrong.
It's not fair and I think you're really mean.
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GF-91
Banned
Registered: 8th Jul 09
Location: Burnley!
User status: Offline
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quote:
Originally posted by mike56gte
quote:
Originally posted by ashleh
Some of you people making jokes about Lily Allen losing her baby is just wrong.
It's not fair and I think you're really mean.
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mike56gte
Member
Registered: 23rd Jun 09
Location: Fife, scotland Drives: Audi S3
User status: Offline
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this one isnt really sick it just made me laugh..
A man and a woman were driving down the road arguing violently. Suddenly the woman reaches over and slices off the man’s pecker, and tosses it out the window of the car.
Driving behind the car is a fella with his 10 year old daughter chatting away beside him. All of a sudden, the pecker smacks the windscreen, sticks for a moment, then flies off. Surprised, the daughter asks her daddy, "Daddy what was that?"
Not wanting embarrassing questions,the father replies, "It was only a bug." The daughter gets a confused look on her face, and after a minute she says, "Sure had a big dick, didn’t it !
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Scotty_B
Member
Registered: 11th Jun 03
Location: East Kilbride
User status: Offline
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quote:
Originally posted by ashleh
Some of you people making jokes about Lily Allen losing her baby is just wrong.
It's not fair and I think you're really mean.
Read the title and then click the back button. 
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mike56gte
Member
Registered: 23rd Jun 09
Location: Fife, scotland Drives: Audi S3
User status: Offline
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quote:
Originally posted by Scotty_B
quote:
Originally posted by ashleh
Some of you people making jokes about Lily Allen losing her baby is just wrong.
It's not fair and I think you're really mean.
Read the title and then click the back button.
did you not get the joke then?
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Russ
Member
Registered: 14th Mar 04
Location: Armchair
User status: Offline
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quote:
Originally posted by mike56gte
quote:
Originally posted by Scotty_B
quote:
Originally posted by ashleh
Some of you people making jokes about Lily Allen losing her baby is just wrong.
It's not fair and I think you're really mean.
Read the title and then click the back button.
did you not get the joke then?
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alan-g-w
Member
Registered: 9th Nov 07
Location: Glasgow
User status: Offline
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Is this a facepalm within a facepalm here?
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