Attended a client site for workshops yesterday, actually a hospital. The staff in hospitals seem to be made up from a large proportion of HEFFERS, strange being healthcare but I guess that's a whole different conversation.
Anyway, we were based in the board room and to get to the bogs it involved a short trip through the admin area which included a large population of young Heffers. The first time I walked through I clocked a group of them at their desks, one of them with udders so gargantuan they were actually resting on the desk. I quickly composed myself and proceeded to the bogs. On the return leg of the journey one of the heffers intercepted me. She was probably a super middle weight on the HEFFER scale (established 2003) with quite sizeable spaniel ears bursting out of her blouse. She just stood there, looked right at me and belted out a very confident 'Hello', I continued walking and responded with an 'alright?', for some reason it came out in a Karl Pilkington accent. As I proceeded to vacate the Heffer stronghold and make my way back to the boardroom I could hear them giggling. They must have all been in their early 20's, a quite aesthetically pleasing group of plump big titted specimens if i'm honest.
I returned to the boardroom with mixed gary and Jimmy feelings and could feel the dark side flowing through me. Due to some kind of anomalous event in the universe that goes against the laws of nature, my last 3 gfriends (including the current) have all been off Pert. I chuckled to myself and realised for reasons only know to the baby jesus that it is always the young and fat ones that appear to be attracted to me. This has been the case since I grew big ass arms, shaved my head to be more like my hero vin diesel and spent 30 hours a week pumping my black meat with my dr johnson penis pump. For some reason I am a magnet to young, fat, jalopy equipped females.
This is the curse I live with, question is can I resist the urges to press the chubby flesh once more?
I hope you enjoyed the latest entry to the HEFFER diaries, the last one was 15 years ago :facepalm:
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