Drew
Banned
Registered: 24th Nov 01
Location: County Durham
User status: Offline
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paddy has been drinking at his loacl all day and most the nite
Mick, the bar tender says 'you'll not be drinking anymore tonite paddy'
paddy replies 'ok, i'll be on me way'
he spins round on his stoll, and falls flat on his face
'Shoite' he says, he takes a step towards the door and falls flat on his face
'shoite shoite'
he thinks, if only i can get to the door for some fresh air, so he crawls to the door and shimmys up the door frame. sticks his head out the door, and falls flat on his face.
'jesus im fockin focked' he says
he can see his house just a few doors down the street, and crawls to his front door, crawls up the stairs to his bedroom door and thinks 'i can make it to bed'
he steps into room and falls flat on his face
he says 'fock it'
next morning his wife Jess comes into room with a coffee and says 'get up paddy - did u have a bit to drink last nite'
paddy says 'i did jess, i was fockin pissed, but how'd u know?'
Mick called - you left ur wheelchair at the pub
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Kayleigh
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Registered: 6th Jun 02
Location: England
User status: Offline
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Alan MacAulay
Member
Registered: 23rd Feb 03
Location: Irvine, Ayrshire
User status: Offline
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Like it
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Lynny
Member
Registered: 3rd Jan 03
Location: oop north! Where people talk properly
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Andy Morley
Member
Registered: 2nd Apr 02
Location: South Yorkshire
User status: Offline
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Claire
Member
Registered: 19th Jan 03
Location: The Sarrrf
User status: Offline
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I dont get it 
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Drew
Banned
Registered: 24th Nov 01
Location: County Durham
User status: Offline
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quote:
Originally posted by Claire G
I dont get it
 shut it
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Tam the diesel man
Member
Registered: 31st Jul 01
Location: Portsmouth
User status: Offline
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Andy Stocker
Member
Registered: 31st Aug 00
Location: Herts Drives: Porsche 911
User status: Offline
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Brilliant
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Claire
Member
Registered: 19th Jan 03
Location: The Sarrrf
User status: Offline
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quote:
Originally posted by Drew
quote:
Originally posted by Claire G
I dont get it
shut it
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Colin.S
Member
Registered: 19th Oct 02
User status: Offline
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Another one.....
There were two Irishmen drinking in a bar.
One drank from his beer and said to the other, "Oh my. I've not had beer like this since I was a young man in Kilarney".The other man looked surprised.
"Well, glory be! I'm from Kilarney myself!"
"Well, neighbor", says the first fellow, "and what street did you live on?"
"I lived on Blarney Road, near the church of St. Michael's".
"Well, and so did I!", says the second.
"What a small world it is!" The bartender rolls his eyes and picks up the phone.
The first man says, "...and I went to St. Patrick's school."
The second man slaps his forehead. "I'll be, so did I!!"
The bartender looks at the two men and speaks into the phone. "Honey, I'll be late coming home. The O'Malley brothers are drunk again".
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Andy Stocker
Member
Registered: 31st Aug 00
Location: Herts Drives: Porsche 911
User status: Offline
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Colin.S
Member
Registered: 19th Oct 02
User status: Offline
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Next......
A blind man is walking down the street with his seeing eye dog one day.
They come to a busy intersection, and the dog, ignoring the high volume of traffic zooming by on the street, leads the blind man right out into the thick of traffic. This is followed by the screech of tires and horns blaring as panicked drivers try desperately not to run the pair down.
The blind man and the dog finally reach the safety of the sidewalk on the other side of the street, and the blind man pulls a cookie out of his coat pocket which he offers to the dog.
A passerby, having observed the near fatal incident, can't control his amazement and says to the blind man, "Why on earth are you rewarding your dog with a cookie? He nearly got you killed!"
The blind man turns partially in his direction and replies, "To find out where his head is, so I can kick his ass."
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Colin.S
Member
Registered: 19th Oct 02
User status: Offline
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And another
The European Union Commissioners have announced that an agreement has been reached to adopt English as the preferred language for European communications, rather than German, which was the other possibility. As part of the negotiations, the British government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a five-year phased plan for what will be known as EuroEnglish (Euro for short)..
In the first year, "s" will be used instead of the soft "c".. Sertainly, sivil servants will reseive this news with joy. Also, the hard "c" will be replaced with "k". Not only will this klear up konfusion but typewriters kan have one less letter.
There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced by "f". This will make words like "fotograf" 20 per sent shorter.
In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkorage the removal of double letters, which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of silent "e"s in the languag is disgrasful and they would go.
By the fourth year, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" by "z" and "w" by " v".
During ze fifz year, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou", and similar changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters.
Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in ze forst place....
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Nath
Member
Registered: 3rd Apr 02
Location: MK
User status: Offline
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The first one is by far the funniest!!!
Heard that EU one before, clever though 
[Edited on 28-06-2003 by Nath]
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groom
Member
Registered: 19th Apr 03
Location: In front of my pc
User status: Offline
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Colin.S
Member
Registered: 19th Oct 02
User status: Offline
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More jokes at http://www.funny-city.com/
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animality-gt
Member
Registered: 23rd Jul 02
Location: Dublin,IRELAND
User status: Offline
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there brilliant,except i dont agree wit the irish stereo type,u english football holagen,beer swilling,queen loving prick. only messin its all jut a joke.
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leeshez
Member
Registered: 3rd May 01
Location: Great Harwood, Lancashire
User status: Offline
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Sweet 
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Drew
Banned
Registered: 24th Nov 01
Location: County Durham
User status: Offline
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only 6 months old - and still funny
should be moved to OD now thou please some boss dude
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