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Author Joke
Pete__2
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Registered: 30th May 02
Location: currently in OZ.But back in belfast on the !st May
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13th May 03 at 13:34   View User's Profile U2U Member Reply With Quote

How do you get an Irishman to burn his ear??................phone him up when he's ironing.
Icy
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Registered: 31st Jan 01
Location: Edinburgh Drives: Mk3 Golf Gti
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13th May 03 at 13:44   View User's Profile U2U Member Reply With Quote

wacko corsaboy
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Registered: 29th Aug 02
Location: York, uk
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13th May 03 at 13:57   View User's Profile U2U Member Reply With Quote

oh dear
Sam
Moderator
Premium Member


Registered: 24th Dec 99
Location: West Midlands
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13th May 03 at 14:22   View User's Profile U2U Member Reply With Quote

kerzo
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Registered: 10th Nov 02
Location: Norn Iron
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13th May 03 at 14:28   View User's Profile U2U Member Reply With Quote

oi!!!
Pete__2
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Registered: 30th May 02
Location: currently in OZ.But back in belfast on the !st May
User status: Offline
13th May 03 at 14:29   View User's Profile U2U Member Reply With Quote

No offence,of course!!
Thoday
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Registered: 12th Jan 03
Location: Drove kitted corsa b now standard corcs c exclusiv
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13th May 03 at 14:30   View User's Profile U2U Member Reply With Quote

what is the smallest book in the world?

the Irish book of knowledge :-s
Pete__2
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Registered: 30th May 02
Location: currently in OZ.But back in belfast on the !st May
User status: Offline
   13th May 03 at 14:32   View User's Profile U2U Member Reply With Quote

kerzo
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Registered: 10th Nov 02
Location: Norn Iron
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13th May 03 at 14:34   View User's Profile U2U Member Reply With Quote

how do you confuse an irishman?

put him in a round room and tell him to piss in the corner!
buckle247
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Registered: 6th May 03
Location: Banbury, Oxfordshire
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13th May 03 at 14:41   View User's Profile U2U Member Reply With Quote

how do you confuse an irishman?

show him a selection of axes and tell him to take his pick
Phil Hall
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Registered: 28th Sep 01
Location: Belfast
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13th May 03 at 14:56   View User's Profile U2U Member Reply With Quote

Think I've posted this before but here goes.....

The Reverend John Flapps was a pastor of a small town. One day
>he
> > > was
> > > > > walking down the High Street and he noticed a young lady of his
> > > > congregation
> > > > > sitting in a pub drinking beer. The reverend wasn't happy, he
>walked
>
> > > > > through the open door of the pub and sat down next to the woman.
>"Mrs
> > > > > Fitzgerald", he said sternly. "This is no place for a member of my
> > > > > congregation. Why don't you let me walk you home? "Sure" she said
> > > with
> > > a
> > > > > slur, obviously very drunk.
> > > > > >
> > > > > > When Mrs Fitzgerald stood up to walk out of the pub she could
>hardly
> > > > walk
> > > > > straight, the Reverend realising she had far too much to drink,
> >grabbed
> > > > her
> > > > > arms to steady her. When he did, they both lost their balance and
> > > tumbled
> > > > > to the floor.
> > > > > >
> > > > > > After rolling around for a few moments the Reverend found
>himself
>on
> > > top
> > > > > of Mrs Fitzgerald, her skirt hiked up to her waist. The pub
>landlord
>
> > > > looked
> > > > > over and said "Oi mate, we won't have any of that in this pub!."
> > > > > >
> > > > > > "I'm Pastor Flapps" said the Reverend, the landlord nodded and
>said
> > > "Oh
> > > > > well, if you're that far in, you might as well finish."
>
Stoneyginger
Premium Member

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Registered: 25th Jan 01
Location: Stonehaven, Aberdeenshire
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13th May 03 at 15:06   View Garage View User's Profile U2U Member Reply With Quote

that is quality
leeshez
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Registered: 3rd May 01
Location: Great Harwood, Lancashire
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13th May 03 at 16:00   View User's Profile U2U Member Reply With Quote

Quaility
Phil Hall
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Registered: 28th Sep 01
Location: Belfast
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13th May 03 at 16:08   View User's Profile U2U Member Reply With Quote

Its an old one but somebody hasnt heard it before I'll bet............

A priest and a rabbi are sitting next to each other on an airplane.
After a while the priest turns to the rabbi and asks,
"Is it still a requirement of your faith that you not eat pork?"
The rabbi responds, "Yes, that is still one of our beliefs."
The priest then asks, "Have you ever eaten pork?"
To which the rabbi replies, "Yes, on one occasion I did succumb to
temptation and tasted a ham sandwich."
The priest nodded in understanding and went on with his reading.
A while later, the rabbi spoke up and asked the priest, "Father, is it
still a requirement of your church that you remain celibate?"
The priest replied, "Yes, that is still very much a part of our faith."
The rabbi then asked him, "Father, have you ever fallen to the temptations
of the flesh?"
The priest replied, "Yes, rabbi, on one occasion I was weak and broke with
my faith."
The rabbi nodded understandingly. He was silent for about five minutes, and
then he said, "Beats the hell out of a ham sandwich, doesn't it?"
Phil Hall
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Registered: 28th Sep 01
Location: Belfast
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13th May 03 at 16:10   View User's Profile U2U Member Reply With Quote

And another............

One day a little cat was walking through the park when he came across a
pond. He peered into the pond and noticed that at the bottom of the pond
there was a little cocktail sausage. The cat was feeling quite peckish so
as the water wasn't that deep he reached in with his little paw and hooked
the sausage out and ate it.

The next day the cat was walking through the park again and he peered into
the pond again - there was another sausage but this time it was a normal
sized one so The cat reached in but this time he had to put his whole arm
into the pond. The cat hooked the sausage out and ate it.

The next day the cat looked into the pond and found an enormous Cumberland
sausage at the bottom of the pond - it looked so delicious but it was so
deep that he had to really stretch to get it, then SPLOSH - he fell in.

The moral of this story is:

The bigger the sausage - the wetter the pussy
Phil Hall
Member

Registered: 28th Sep 01
Location: Belfast
User status: Offline
13th May 03 at 16:18   View User's Profile U2U Member Reply With Quote

And another................

A seventeen-year-old girl goes to see her mom and tells her that
>>>she has
>>>missed her period for two months.
>>>Very worried, the mother goes to the drugstore and buys a
>>>pregnancy kit. The
>>>test result shows that the girl is pregnant.
>>>
>>>Shouting, cursing, crying, the mother says, "Who was the pig that
>>>did this
>>>to you? I want to know!!"
>>>The girl picks up the phone and makes a call. Half an hour later a
>>>brand new
>>>Ferrari stops at their house, a mature and distinguished man, with
>>>grey hair
>>>and impeccably dressed in a very expensive suit steps out of it
>>>and enters
>>>the house. He sits in the living room with the father, the mother
>>>and the
>>>girl, and tells them:
>>>
>>>"Good morning, your daughter has informed me of the problem.
>>>However, I
>>>can't marry her because of my personal family situation, but I'll
>>>take
>>>charge. If a girl is born I will bequeath her 3 stores, 2
>>>townhouses, a
>>>beach villa and a $1,000,000 bank account. If a boy is born, my
>>>legacy will
>>>be a couple of factories, and a $1,000,000 bank account. If it is
>>>twins, a
>>>factory and $500,000 each. However, if there is a miscarriage..."
>>>
>>>At this point, the father, who had remained silent all this time,
>>>places a
>>>hand firmly on the man's shoulder and tells him: "You'll f*ck her
>>>again!!!"
>>>
Gower
Member

Registered: 18th Mar 01
Location: So close.....yet so far
User status: Offline
13th May 03 at 16:27   View User's Profile U2U Member Reply With Quote

quote:
Originally posted by Pete__2
How do you get an Irishman to burn his ear??................phone him up when he's ironing.


I heard this joke around 4 years ago.

 
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