MJFF88
Member
Registered: 30th Apr 08
User status: Offline
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Asked him to do something which involved him bending down. He complained about not wanting to ruin his £120 shoes, so instead we sent him to the cupboard to get some elbow grease. After five minutes he came back saying he couldn't find it.
We then sent him to the stock room to find some, he went upto the boss and asked if he could have stock room key to try look for some elbow grease  
Any better ones to use on him next week, may record it  . Hes not the smartest of people
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MJFF88
Member
Registered: 30th Apr 08
User status: Offline
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Skirting board ladders has been suggested
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Colin
Member
Registered: 4th Apr 02
User status: Offline
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Sky hooks
Long stand
Sparks for the grinder!!
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daymoon
Premium Member
Registered: 1st Aug 08
Location: Selby, North Yorkshire
User status: Offline
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its not good to laugh at people like him where do u work?
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dannymccann
Member
Registered: 9th Aug 06
Location: Doddington, Lincolnshire
User status: Offline
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quote:
Originally posted by MJFF88
We then sent him to the stock room to find some, he went upto the boss and asked if he could have stock room key to try look for some elbow grease
What did the boss say?
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MJFF88
Member
Registered: 30th Apr 08
User status: Offline
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quote:
Originally posted by dannymccann
quote:
Originally posted by MJFF88
We then sent him to the stock room to find some, he went upto the boss and asked if he could have stock room key to try look for some elbow grease
What did the boss say?
He sound, we all just creased up
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Tom A
Member
Registered: 3rd Aug 07
Location: Windsor, Berkshire.
User status: Offline
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A big weight or a long weight is some the teachers use at school.
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Skylined
Member
Registered: 27th Sep 05
Location: Sideways, Surrey
User status: Offline
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tartan paint?
Left handed screwdriver
[Edited on 15-11-2008 by Skylined]
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Kurt
Member
Registered: 23rd Oct 05
Location: Hi
User status: Offline
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glass hammer
bucket of steam
[Edited on 15-11-2008 by Kurt]
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james_suffolk1
Member
Registered: 1st Mar 08
Location: NUNEATON CV10
User status: Offline
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2 by 4 stretcher
10ft of fallopian tube
10 metres of <commercial air name> air-line
100m of flightline
A5 Continuation sheets (secretarial: if it's too big for A5, you use A4)
A bee-line
AC battery
Adjustable needle-nose pliers
Ants' milk
Articulated Gyrogorphotor (£10,000 value and lost/stolen!) (assumed to be a fools errand)
A runaround (sent all over the place; "runaround" is also slang for a beat-up but reliable car)
Bar stretchers
Basin Trials (get Junior sailor watching the basins in the bathrooms for any leaks prior to sailing)
Battery for the dynamo flashlight
Bearing grease for the Radio Compass/Tacan/VOR etc.
Big weight/wait (same effect as a long wait)
Binnacle Alignment Tool (naval)
Bird food for the cuckoo in the cuckoo clock
Bit bucket for the bits lost when the computer system crashes
Blinker fluid/indicator fluid (car mechanics)
Box of grid squares
Box of sparks for spark plugs
Box of tappet clearances
Box of topo (civil engineering, "Topo" is a Japanese snack-food)
BT Punch (naval - popular on ships with 1200 lb. plants, and huge knuckle-dragging BTs; don't specify whether to ask for the left or right punch; a smart HT will suggest taking both "just to be sure")
Bubbles for spirit levels
Bucket of steam
Bucket of compressed air
Can of blue steam
Can of squelch (when target returns empty-handed, "remember" it now comes in spray cans not tin cans)
Canopy lights (air force)
Cans of Water Slugs (naval)
Check/Czech paint
Chem-Light batteries (air force)
Compass Oil
Compass wrench
Copper magnet
Coriolus effect technician (IT) - to check direction the token on token ring network is travelling
Coriolus effect watch, in order to determine when you have crossed the equator. Coriolus effect is which way water circles the plughole! (naval)
Coupon rake (banking)
Cranking down the mast (naval)
Crocodile Milk
Curve stretcher (civil engineering)
Cyrillic Pencil
Data packets
Deicer for the level
DF Bearing Grease (naval)
Dry water
Elbow grease
e.m.h.o. log (naval: early morning hard on)
Find Charley Noble (galley smoke stack) (USN 1950s)
Find the Golden Rivet (naval - the golden rivet was supposedly the last rivet installed and located in the shaft alley)
Find the spilt token (computing - when a token ring network cable is unplugged, can end up with everyone on hands and knees searching!)
Fire warmer
Flux capacitor (only to be found in a sci-fi movie)
Frequency grease (if the radar sounds too squeaky), if the new guy brings anything back it's low frequency grease and you needed high frequency grease
Gig Line (naval)
Glass axe
Glass hammer
Glass magnet
Gnat's Milk
Gnat Tit Ointment
Grape grater
Green oil for the starboard lamp (naval)
Hard punch
Holes for hole punches
Horizontal tentpegs
Hose Stretchers
Howitzer report (ordnance)
ID-ten-T form (ID-10T - popular in armed forces)
Jet Blast Compound (aviation)
Key to the vapour lock
Keys to the drop zone (air force)
K9P Cutting Fluid
Learning curve (draughtsman)
Left-handed box-end wrench
Left-handed gavel (auctioneer's mallet)
Left-handed monkey wrench
Left-handed paint roller
Left-handed punch/right-handed punch (these errands are painful)
Left handed screwdriver
Left-handed smokeshifter
Left-handed tablespoon
Liquid magnet
Long drop
Long stand ("long stands" exist in the clothing industry)
Long weight (storesman goes away for a while to "look" on his return he says "was that long enough?")
Mercury rods/discs (mercury is liquid at room temperature)
Metric adjustable wrenches (in metric countries: Imperial adjustable wrenches)
MIL-TFD-1111 (mythical military/engineering standard: "Make It Like - The F**king Drawing" - For Once)
Money changing for Gibraltar - "If you're going ashore you better go and cash a cheque for your Giblets" (naval)
New cursor for the computer (IT)
New tokens for the Token Ring network (computing)
Non-conductive cardboard
Ooievaarskuitenvet (The Netherlands - storks' calves' fat)
Pachyderm trunking
Paper-stretcher
Peedo-file (on a written chit - pronounced "paedophile")
Pink paraffin for the night lights (red bulbs!, naval)
Podger, for aligning holes (in some circles, this exists)
Pot dividers (kitchen staff)
Polka-dot paint
Post-hole key (on a race track)
PRC-E7 ("prick E7") (PRC "prick" is military radio, but E7 is a grade of sergeant; PRC-E7 = "prick sergeant" not a type of radio)
Prop Wash (aviation)
Rearrange the 6-ply (6 colored sheets with 5 carbons to put in reverse order)
Recharge the escape arrows with a torch (naval)
Recharger for the sound-powered phone batteries
Relative Bearing Grease for the compass
Requisition the Supply Officer for 1000 Gas Tight Envelopes (armed forces)
Ring centres (essentially these are paper punchouts/chads)
Roll of film for the digital Camera
Rubber mallet (rubber-headed panel-beating mallets exist)
Sauerkraut seed
Sending a sailor to "pilot" the missile (naval)
Sending new techs at a CommSta hunting for a spool of Red Order Wire to do some repairs (naval)
Sending someone to Engineering Control to report, "Sir, High level alarm in the cooling system, request permission to blow the MPA" (naval)
Sending someone to the Chiefs' mess to turn off their lights when "darken ship" is piped (naval)
Sending someone to the galley to get some oil boiled when the Petty Officer requests boiled oil. Linseed oil is "double boiled" so it can be sent back with the fool saying "you've only boiled this once" (naval)
Shelf expander (expanding shelves really do exist)
Shore line stretcher
Siren Winders (fire/ambulance service)
Skyhooks (items by this name have since been invented for aviation use)
Snake oil
Snipe Hunt (scouts/military, a night-time communal fools' errand)
Socket for round nuts
Some electricity (usually the fool is sent away form stores with a battery)
Some snew (fool usually asks "What's snew?" [what's new?])
Sonar grease (for when it sounds a bit "squeaky")
Sound powered phone batteries (naval)
Spare smoke canister for when the smoke (that runs the computer/other electrical kit) escapes
Sparks for the fire
Sparks for the grinder
Spark samples from the angle grinder
Squilgee Sharpener (naval)
Stand mail buoy watch (naval)
Stand Monkey Watch while sailing past Gibraltar (included a broomstick and a hard hat)
Striped Paint
Tartan paint
Tartan yarn (wool)
Tuning pipe for a fog horn
The lost document file
Virtual ram for the computer network server
Water Hammer (this is the banging sound made in water pipes)
Waveguide stretcher (radar operators)
White ink for the inkjet printer
Winter grade air for winter tyres
Wiremesh watering can
Yard of chow line (military)
Yard of shoreline
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tom_simes
Show Staff
Organiser: South Wales
Premium Member
Registered: 12th Jan 05
Location: Undy, Newport Drives: Skoda Octavia vRS estate
User status: Offline
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Nice googling
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All Torque
Member
Registered: 17th Nov 05
Location: Milton Keynes Drives: Ford Focus TDCi
User status: Offline
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go dig half a hole
go get a can of brilliance spray
powered water
etc
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Corsa_Scotty
Member
Registered: 8th Aug 07
Location: Scottish Borders
User status: Offline
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an air bubble for a leveller that brickies use
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Corsa Sport Gav
Member
Registered: 12th Feb 03
Location: Durham, County Durham Drives: A6 Allroad
User status: Offline
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if you work in a garage tell him too get a longer dip stick
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ed
Member
Registered: 10th Sep 03
User status: Offline
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He spent £120 on shoes?
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morpheus22
Member
Registered: 10th Oct 05
Location: sheffield
User status: Offline
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quote:
Originally posted by C2_Scotty
an air bubble for a leveller that brickies use
i fell for that one at work experience 
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Cavey
Member
Registered: 11th Nov 02
Location: Derby
User status: Offline
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We sent someone across the road to another pub to get a long wait, she had a coffee while she was in there.
another girl was sent down to the cellar for fallopian tubes
and some idiotic bint asked if she could take an AA card as payment... (we have yellow cards for discounts, she thought it was one, and swiped it on the PDQ machine)
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All Torque
Member
Registered: 17th Nov 05
Location: Milton Keynes Drives: Ford Focus TDCi
User status: Offline
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Cavey.
When I worked in the local shop up the street we had a lad come in and buy ciggies and try and use an AA breakdown card as ID as it "showed he was old enough to drive and therefore older than 16" 
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Aaron
Member
Registered: 9th Aug 04
Location: Cottingham, East Riding
User status: Offline
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quote:
Originally posted by Cavey
another girl was sent down to the cellar for fallopian tubes
We used to do that to the n00bs
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Russ
Member
Registered: 14th Mar 04
Location: Armchair
User status: Offline
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quote:
Originally posted by C2_Scotty
an air bubble for a leveller that brickies use
you laugh but my old job use to make the bubble that goes inside 
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A1EX
Member
Registered: 29th Mar 00
Location: Turku, Finland
User status: Offline
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when i used to work in jessops played a trick on a new lad when my mate was working there and it was my day off. Rang up and asked the lad to see if they had any second hand Canon Howitzers in stock, he spent ages trying to find them on the computer system after that i assured him they had some and to go check the stock room as i had looked at one before, he spent ages looking around then asked my mate who i heard burst out laughing. Poor lad spend ages looking for them
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Gavin
Premium Member
Registered: 3rd Apr 02
Location: West Midlands
User status: Offline
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work mate of mine sent a lad round to halfords to ask for a glass hammer
... then they sent him back for a long weight
pew pew pew pewwwww
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Jake
Member
Registered: 24th Jan 05
User status: Offline
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quote:
Originally posted by C2_Scotty
an air bubble for a leveller that brickies use
that one is useless because you can buy them
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eddiewhiteley
Member
Registered: 10th Mar 05
Location: down in albion
User status: Offline
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why don't you just ask him out on a date?
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MJFF88
Member
Registered: 30th Apr 08
User status: Offline
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quote:
Originally posted by eddiewhiteley
why don't you just ask him out on a date?
Not my type x
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