J4M13
Member
Registered: 15th Apr 06
Location: Bacup (Rossendale)
User status: Offline
|
BIG essay warning too! but i know everyone likes a bti of relationship problem banter 
Just basically want to know where other people stand on this situation( and what your views are on my current situation with a 'close firend'
What i want to know is, where do you stand on a situaton where a close friend you have known all your life starts a relationship with your ex ver soon after breaking up?
heres my situation at the moment, hope someone can help me in knowing what i think at the minute is right or wrong.
So the story goes, been with my ex fiancee for 3 years(we broke up a few weeks ago). One of my 'close' friends iv known since i was born basically had just come back from afghan and started talking and hanging out with my girl every so often, which yes i was a wee bit jealous but i trusted them. I know for a fact nothing went on whilst we were together. The last week before he went back to Germany where hes based in the army, my fiancee broke up with me because i wasnt spending enough time with her apparently which is fair as recently i hadnt, but when she mentioned that we were most proably going to break up i got rid of everything that was in the way of this happening in the hope she would give me another chance. But, she told me we were never ever going to get back together no matter what.
The weekend before we officially broke up on the monday my 'mate' spent quite abit of time with her talking ALOT. Then on the monday when we broke up they spent every single day together untill the saturday he went back, and apparently all this was just as 'friends', but they didnt include any of our other friends in any of this and did things like go blackpool all day then for somethng to eat till past 12pm and go cinema's just the 2 of them twice that week(basically you would think they were a couple) yet they were adament it was just as 'friends' aparently. 2 days before he went back me and a mate went for a quick drive as we were bored, drove down a dark lane ontop of a hill that has small parking area's at the side of the lane, and no sh*t, who was parked up, none other than my 'close firend' and my ex(this is 4 days after we split and just as friends remember). I know nothing went on as they have swore nothing went on and that they were "just talking".
So he goes back to germany on the saturday and in less than a few weeks she has a phone bill of nearly £150 over her free £150 that she used ringing him, just from ringing him and txts non stop all day(she has got herself in quite abit of money trouble and knows this but still keeps doing it)
here comes the apparently 'just friends' thing, i find out this week from my ex herself that they kissed the night before he went back to Germany.
and then i found out from her that they have been in a relationship for over a week this week which is only a few weeks after he went back.
She also told me. and i laughed at her when she told me this, that she told him she loved him last week and he said it back, they have basically properly known each other for a full week before he went to germany.
She has also booked time off work to go over to germany to stay with him for 2 days in 2 weeks.
I txt him a few weeks ago with some angry txts blah blah blah and in the end i couldnt be arsed with anymore of it so i just said, right f**k it, i cant be bothered with all this now, you havnt lost any friends etc and were cool.
That was before i found out this week that he lied to me at that time, he swore to me before he went back that he wasnt even going to contemplate thinking about even a possibility of him and my ex untill he atleast came back from germany and everything was sorted and that nothing at all went on between them at all. and now a few weeks after he went they are together? whats that all about?
so at the moment, i dont know where to stand with him and need advice.
The problem is, his and her good friends are my good friends and we dont really bother with anyone else, my mates only mates when he comes home are my very close friends and my best mate is his brother.
and if i decide to take he 'not being friends anymore' route, it WILL affect all of us and there is a 99% chance hes not going to have any mates when he comes home next because what i decide has aknock on effect on my best mates and my brother and his mate(not a masisve group of close friends).
My opinion at the moment is that close friends dont do what he has done and ontop of that, lying to me isnt acceptable. I trusted him as he was a very very good close friend, but now everyhtings gone on and certain things have come to light i dont know whether i should throw our friendship away and let our friends decide there actions on there own.
If anyone has actually read all of that can you share your views as i dont have anyone else to talk to at the minute that isnt involved in all this, or you can just tell me to gtf and your not reading all that 
I know some of you are good at giving advice about this sort or stuff.
cheers.
|
J4M13
Member
Registered: 15th Apr 06
Location: Bacup (Rossendale)
User status: Offline
|
Holy s**t thats alot of typing!!
|
Joe
Member
Registered: 20th Jun 04
Location: Hesketh Bank, Lancashire
User status: Offline
|
I wouldn't be mates with him again to be honest.
|
chris_uk
Premium Member
Registered: 8th Jul 03
User status: Offline
|
they could of both been saying its just a friend thing to not hurt your feelings..
they could of been saying that because they really are your friends.
at the end o the day you cant stop how 2 ppl feel for each other, if it didnt work out between you both then that might of been for the best.. there are plenty more fish in the sea mate.
|
Russ
Member
Registered: 14th Mar 04
Location: Armchair
User status: Offline
|
squaddie law
pussy > mates
|
AndyCorsaSport
Member
Registered: 12th Feb 06
Location: Horsforth, West Yorkshire
User status: Offline
|
Tbh, sounds like they dont give a fuck about you, hes not a friend if hes being like that, i know its hard, but go out, with the lads, have a night out, forget about women all together, just have a laugh with the people that are there for you. Fuck them both tbh, seem like cunts imo.
Just gotta try and move on mate, i know its hard seeing the ex with some1 else, especially when its a so called "mate"
Just dont think about it, and get on with your life, you seem like a sound guy, shes made a big mistake, shes hardly ever gonna see him, always gonna have big phone bills etc. Where as with you, she could see you whenever, etc, shes lost out mate, chin up! 
|
Ste
Premium Member
Registered: 5th Mar 03
Location: Taif, Saudi Arabia
User status: Offline
|
I was waiting to get to the end and read 'so i hid in the garage to see them come sneaking back in, whilst i was kneeling behind my bike, i noticed mytyre was flat. So should i just inflate it or get a new one?
Seriously, fuck them both off. mates don't do that kind of shit to each other. end of.
I would rather lose by a mile because i built my own car, than win by an inch because someone else built it for me.
|
bubble
Member
Registered: 24th Jan 04
Location: Darwin, NT Australia.
User status: Offline
|
id let them get on with it. it will fizzle out and theyll look like a bunch of terwats in front of everyone you all know.
|
J4M13
Member
Registered: 15th Apr 06
Location: Bacup (Rossendale)
User status: Offline
|
thanks for the advice etc fella's
your opinions are basically where my mind is at at the moment.
|
harrisp
Member
Registered: 15th Dec 07
Location: Derbyshire
User status: Offline
|
quote:
Originally posted by AndyCorsaSport
Tbh, sounds like they dont give a fuck about you, hes not a friend if hes being like that, i know its hard, but go out, with the lads, have a night out, forget about women all together, just have a laugh with the people that are there for you. Fuck them both tbh, seem like cunts imo.
Just gotta try and move on mate, i know its hard seeing the ex with some1 else, especially when its a so called "mate"
Just dont think about it, and get on with your life, you seem like a sound guy, shes made a big mistake, shes hardly ever gonna see him, always gonna have big phone bills etc. Where as with you, she could see you whenever, etc, shes lost out mate, chin up!
I agree with that, i very much doubt they said they were just friends to not hurt your feelings, more like they were too gutless to tell you about them.
Fuck them both off and enjoy yourself, there are plenty more fish in the sea, girls and mates.
It might sound harsh but thats just my opinion.
|
Siberia
Member
Registered: 9th Oct 03
Location: Leprechaun Land Drives : Zafira GSI
User status: Offline
|
hes out of order in my opinion... and i wouldnt really beleive what they said about nothng happening either...
|
Ben G
Member
Registered: 12th Jan 07
Location: Essex
User status: Offline
|
beat him up, possibly her aswell.
|
J4M13
Member
Registered: 15th Apr 06
Location: Bacup (Rossendale)
User status: Offline
|
iv just made my decision whilst talking to her on msn, she started arguing with em over something so i called it quits at that point and told her i am no longer friends with her or her new b/f(my mate).
|
harrisp
Member
Registered: 15th Dec 07
Location: Derbyshire
User status: Offline
|
quote:
Originally posted by J4M13
iv just made my decision whilst talking to her on msn, she started arguing with em over something so i called it quits at that point and told her i am no longer friends with her or her new b/f(my mate).
I would say good call mate, it might seem bad at the beginning but if people are willing to do that to you then you will be better off without.
|
Tom
Member
Registered: 3rd Apr 02
Location: Wirral, Merseyside
User status: Offline
|
I would not be happy at all, seriously that's over stepping the mark, regardless of whether they lied even imo. You can't stop how you feel but I wouldn't be able to not feel bitter towards them. Your mates should be able to make up there own minds though...
|
nova_gteuk
Member
Registered: 15th May 02
Location: South Wales Drives: The Bandwagon
User status: Offline
|
I wouldnt be happy,but no women is worth losing your mates over.
Only time this happened to me was in skool lol,but i gave my mate her number soi shed get off my back
|
Kerry
Member
Registered: 5th Oct 01
Location: Norwich
User status: Offline
|
im quite passionate about the rule you dont go where your mates of been
i understand people when they say you cant help who you fall for but we are all adult enough to know what is right and wrong and stop things before they get out of hand
plus i value friendship more than any relationship!!!
shoe on the other foot id never go where a mates been either ewwwww
|
Jake
Member
Registered: 24th Jan 05
User status: Offline
|
Telling you to just move on is absolutely no help, if anyone else has been there before, it's just not that easy. You should let the dust settle for a while - you've done nothing wrong at all so don't be tempted to chase them up, let them come to you. If they don't bother contacting you, they don't deserve to be a part of your life and most definately not worth getting upset about.
|
J4M13
Member
Registered: 15th Apr 06
Location: Bacup (Rossendale)
User status: Offline
|
yeah Jake, that is totally true, all everyone has said to me at home and the ex and my mate is that i should just let it go and move on. It proper messed my head up, i didnt eat for 5 days straight ffs.
I really really tried to be close friends with her but i wasnt getting the same input from her, i didnt contact her at all and to no surprise she didnt contact me.
I told her i could have ben the best friend she has ever had but he answer to beign close friends was, i dont want to be close friends, i just want to be a friend, how can she just be a normal friend that you dont talk to or anything much after our past and what we had??
all she is doing now after telling her they no longer deserve my friendship is alot of abuse and beign called childish and two faced, which i dont think is right??
|
Jay
Member
Registered: 26th Sep 04
Location: Liverpool
User status: Offline
|
quote:
Originally posted by Ben G
beat him up, possibly her aswell.
[Edited on 01-06-2008 by JayM]
|
carey
Member
Registered: 13th Jan 08
Location: scarborough
User status: Offline
|
sorry to hear that  tbh girls come and go, he won't stay with her forever, you have to have something super special to make a long distance relationship work, especially when they're in a different country! you should just go out have funa and you'll find someone better in the end...and for now forget about your so called mate, he's the ones that's gunna lose out in the long run not you!
|
J4M13
Member
Registered: 15th Apr 06
Location: Bacup (Rossendale)
User status: Offline
|
just one last thing
Is it normal that i feel like sh*t at the moment after telling her i dont want to be friends anymore? and that im nto going to see her again?
on another note, my best friend has just fallen out with me because the lad my ex is with is his brother, he sees nothing wrong with whats happened.
[Edited on 01-06-2008 by J4M13]
|
cesil
Member
Registered: 20th Aug 06
Location: stoke
User status: Offline
|
i split up with my missus of 4 yrs in march mate, friends should not do what he has done, at least not behind your back one of my good mates came up to me in the pub the other week n said i need to speak to you then asked me if i minded him askin my ex out. thats how it should be done, none of this sneaky shit
|
Jake
Member
Registered: 24th Jan 05
User status: Offline
|
quote:
Originally posted by J4M13
yeah Jake, that is totally true, all everyone has said to me at home and the ex and my mate is that i should just let it go and move on. It proper messed my head up, i didnt eat for 5 days straight ffs.
I really really tried to be close friends with her but i wasnt getting the same input from her, i didnt contact her at all and to no surprise she didnt contact me.
I told her i could have ben the best friend she has ever had but he answer to beign close friends was, i dont want to be close friends, i just want to be a friend, how can she just be a normal friend that you dont talk to or anything much after our past and what we had??
all she is doing now after telling her they no longer deserve my friendship is alot of abuse and beign called childish and two faced, which i dont think is right??
Only time will heal. You really aren't doing yourself any favours by sitting at home and thinking about it 24/7, it will only make things worst. You have to think about yourself, and if she isnt willing to make the same commitment as you, then why should you put the effort in. She clearly has no idea, nor does she appreciate how hard it is for you at the moment. Would you really want to have a friend like that?
|
Tiger
Member
Registered: 12th Jun 01
Location: Leicestershire Drives:Astra VXR
User status: Offline
|
Queue Eastenders music.
|
