Blade_sri
Member
Registered: 23rd Apr 03
Location: Pop
User status: Offline
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Once a cobra bit John Smeaton’s leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.
John Smeaton uses his abs to smooth diamonds
John Smeaton does not dodge bullets. Bullets dodge John Smeaton
Everynight before the bogeyman goes to bed, he checks his closet for John Smeaton.
John Smeaton doesn’t read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants
It was once believed that John actually lost a fight to a terrorist, but that is a lie, created by John himself to lure more terrorists to him
Smeaton went tae the same school as Charles Bronson and stole his dinner money everyday.
John Smeaton isn’t afraid of the dark…the dark is afraid of John Smeaton.
John Smeaton once killed a lion with his bare hands.
John Smeaton can make a woman climax just by looking at her and shouting ALLAH!
Anthropologists are studying John Smeaton to try to find the origins of the lack of “flight” in his “fight or flight” response
Smeaton used to racially abuse Bruce Lee to his face, and forced him to cook him Chicken choi mein every night free of charge.
Alex Salmond has abandoned any future plans for wind farms in Scotland.He is just going to use Johnny’s arms to power the whole of Scotland and sell the surplus energy to the East Coast of America.
There was a Comet headin straight for Earth one year ago, it was too big for Nasa to destroy wi Nuclear bombs.. so they phoned Smeaton to jump up on springs and punch f*ck oot it.
John once challenged Chuck Norris to a square go. Mr Norris kindly refused the advance.
John Smeaton can strangle you with a cordless phone.
John Smeaton won a game of connect 4 in 2 moves.
John Smeaton can delete the recycle bin
If you wake up tomorrow, it’ll be because John Smeaton allowed you to
Smeaton once held down eight Tigers and gang raped them.
John Smeaton dosent sleep, he waits.
When John Smeaton does push ups, he’s actually pushing the ground down.
The Argies surrendered Port Stanley when the heard that John Smeaton had been born.
John Smeaton is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry, the man ate a f*cking Jeep.
John Smeaton drowned a fish.
Death once had a near-John Smeaton experience.
John Smeaton died 5 years ago, Death never had the balls to tell him
John Smeaton once visited the Virgin Islands. They are now The Islands.
John Smeaton is not hung like a horse… horses are hung like John Smeaton.
John Smeaton plays Russian roulette with a fully loded revolver… and wins
John Smeaton once had an erection while lying face down and struck oil.
When God said, “Let there be light”, John Smeaton said, “say please.”
John Smeaton doesn’t need a miracle in order to split the ocean. He just walks in and the water gets the f*ck out of the way.
John Smeaton knocked that terrorist oot, then lit his roll up aff that jeep
Smeatons calander goes stright from 31st of March to the 2nd of April……No one fools the Smeaton!
Smeaton put ‘laughter’ into Manslaughter!!!
John Smeaton was once charged with three attempted murdered in Aberdeen, but the Judge quickly dropped the charges because John Smeaton does not “attempt” murder.
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Cosmo
Member
Registered: 29th Mar 01
Location: Im the real one!
User status: Offline
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 and a new internet legend is born
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John
Member
Registered: 30th Jun 03
User status: Offline
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was talking to hammer about that last night.
You can tell the one's that have been made up by wee neds in glasgow and not just adapted from chuck norris.
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andy1868
Member
Registered: 22nd Jun 06
Location: Burscough, Lancashire
User status: Offline
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nice
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Dee
Banned
Registered: 19th Sep 01
User status: Offline
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Who is John Smeaton?
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Cosmo
Member
Registered: 29th Mar 01
Location: Im the real one!
User status: Offline
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quote:
Originally posted by Dee
Who is John Smeaton?
the guy who knocked one of the terrorists who tried to blow the airport in Glasgow the fuck out.
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Pablo
Member
Registered: 3rd Feb 03
Location: Milton Keynes
User status: Offline
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Dee
Banned
Registered: 19th Sep 01
User status: Offline
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quote:
Originally posted by Cosmo
quote:
Originally posted by Dee
Who is John Smeaton?
the guy who knocked one of the terrorists who tried to blow the airport in Glasgow the fuck out.
Did I miss this?
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Matt H
Member
Registered: 11th Sep 01
Location: South Yorkshire
User status: Offline
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Was just about to ask who he is 
John Smeaton doesnt have candles on his birthday cake, he has muslims. He celebrates his birthday every day
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Dee
Banned
Registered: 19th Sep 01
User status: Offline
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Glad its not just me, heard nothing of it.
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Jamie
Member
Registered: 1st Apr 02
Location: Aberdeen
User status: Offline
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http://johnsmeaton.com
LEGEND
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Jamie Walby
Member
Registered: 15th Nov 04
User status: Offline
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nova_gteuk
Member
Registered: 15th May 02
Location: South Wales Drives: The Bandwagon
User status: Offline
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Over 1,200 pints are paid for and metaphorically lined up, on the bar at the Glasgow Airport Holiday Inn, with John Smeaton’s name on them..
Fuck he's gonna have hell off a good night 
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rustyarchs
Member
Registered: 29th Aug 04
Location: scotland
User status: Offline
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"Jim Tweedy Says:
July 5th, 2007 at 5:10 pm
HEARD IN A VERY SMART PUB, SCOTSMAN AMONGST ENGLISH COUNTERPARTS WHO HAD BEEN COMPLAINING ABOUT CHANNEL FOURS TEST CARD OF A BURNING JEEP, “WELL THE DIFFERENCE IS, A BOMB GOES OFF IN ENGLAND YOU ALL RUN AWAY, UP HERE WE KNOCK F*** OUT THEM.” LONG SILENCE FOLLOWS….."
guys a legend
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JadeM
Premium Member
Registered: 9th Feb 06
User status: Offline
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TBH I think the other guy who tackled the bomber is a bigger hero. He was on GMTV yesterday. He ended up with a broken leg and got kicked in the mouth by the bomber knocking several of his teeth out. 
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rustyarchs
Member
Registered: 29th Aug 04
Location: scotland
User status: Offline
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all that damage from 1 punch tho...... and didnt he end up getting pulled aside by John Smeaton?
hero yesh but def not a bigger hero
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All Torque
Member
Registered: 17th Nov 05
Location: Milton Keynes Drives: Ford Focus TDCi
User status: Offline
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