reeves_8
Member
Registered: 18th Dec 06
Location: woking, surrey
User status: Offline
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il start:
a bloke with no arms and legs is laying on the beech, a girl came up to him and said 'have you ever been cuddled before'
he said 'no' so she gave him a cuddle,
another girl came up to him said 'have you ever been kissed before' he said 'no' so she gave him a kiss,
another girl came up to him and said 'have you ever been fucked before' he said 'no' she said 'well you about to the tide is coming in'
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Danny P
Member
Registered: 20th Nov 02
Location: Cleckheaton, West Yorkshire
User status: Offline
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All Torque
Member
Registered: 17th Nov 05
Location: Milton Keynes Drives: Ford Focus TDCi
User status: Offline
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nathy_87
Member
Registered: 14th Aug 08
Location: West Mids. Drives: Škoda Fabia VRS 5J
User status: Offline
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Little Johnny sees his Daddy's car passing the playground and going into the woods. Curious, he follows the car and sees Daddy and Aunt Jane kissing. Johnny finds this so exciting and can barely contain himself as he runs home and starts to tell his mother excitedly.
"MOMMY, MOMMY, I WAS AT THE PLAYGROUND AND DADDY AND...."
Mommy tells him to slow down, but that she wants to hear the story. So Johnny tells her. "I was at the playground and I saw Daddy's car go into the woods with Aunt Jane. I went to look and Daddy was giving Aunt Jane a big kiss, then he helped her take off her shirt, then Aunt Jane helped Daddy take his pants off, then Aunt Jane laid down on the seat, then Daddy...."
At this point, Mommy cut him off and said, "Johnny, this is such an interesting story, suppose you save the rest of it for supper time. I want to see the look on Daddy's face when you tell it tonight." At the dinner table, Mommy asks Johnny to tell his story. He describes the car into the woods, the undressing, laying down on the seat, and, "Then Daddy and Aunt Jane did that same thing Mommy and Uncle Jeff used to do when Daddy was in the Army."
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reeves_8
Member
Registered: 18th Dec 06
Location: woking, surrey
User status: Offline
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good one
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reeves_8
Member
Registered: 18th Dec 06
Location: woking, surrey
User status: Offline
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paddy goes into a shop and asks the shop keeper, do you have anything that keeps hot things hot and cold thing cold,
shop keeper gives him a thermas bag, so paddy says 'yeh il have that'
the next day the shop keeper sees paddy in the park and says 'what cha got in there paddy'
he says 'a cup of tea and a choc ice'
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IndyKalsey
Member
Registered: 26th Oct 06
Location: Manor Park, East London
User status: Offline
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just got this one, kinda lame i reckon:
The japanese have developed a camera with a shutter speed so fast, it is now possible to take a photo of a woman with her mouth shut
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Scotty C
Member
Registered: 6th Nov 05
Location: Kidderminster Drives: 1.6 16v Sport
User status: Offline
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Paddy and Murphy walking down a road, Paddy falls down a big black hole, Murphy says ''is it dark down there?'', Paddy replies ''I don't know, I can't see''
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IndyKalsey
Member
Registered: 26th Oct 06
Location: Manor Park, East London
User status: Offline
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Got some more here, may be a long post.....
- Husband says to wife 'I had a wet dream about you last night', wife says 'Oh yeah? What happened?' Husband says 'You got run over by a bus and i pissed myself laughing'
- Man says to wife 'I fancy kinky sex, how about i cum in your ear?' She says 'No, i might go deaf' He says 'I've been cumin in your mouth for 20 years and you're still fuckin talkin'
- Husband always insisted on making love in the dark. After 20 years, wife turns on light, and finds him holding a vibrator. She goes ballisitic. 'You impotent bastard! How could you lie to me all these years? Husband looks her straight in the eye and calmly says 'I'll explain the toy, you explain the kids.....
- 3 tampaxes walkin down the street... Maxi, mini and ultra. Which one says hello?......................................... None of them. They're all stuck up c**ts!
- FIVE SECRETS OF A PERFECT RELATIONSHIP:
i) It is important to have a woman who helps at home, cooks, cleans and has a job.
ii) It is important to have a woman who can make u laugh
iii) It is important to have a woman u can trust and dosen't lie
iv) It is important to have a woman who is good in bed & likes being with you.
v) It is very, very important that these four bitches don't know each other
[Edited on 09-06-2007 by hkalsey]
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IndyKalsey
Member
Registered: 26th Oct 06
Location: Manor Park, East London
User status: Offline
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Thought i'd put this one back up:
An 80 year old couple were seen shagging furiously up against a fence. For 40 minutes, they shagged like bastards, arms and legs going everywhere until they fell to the floor. 'Christ' she said 'you didn't fuck me like that 50 years ago!' To which the old man replied '50 years ago, that fence wasn't fucking electric
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