Mark330d
Member
Registered: 25th Apr 06
Location: Netherlee, Glasgow City
User status: Offline
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Right who’s done these? I found this on another website.
We have identified 10 distinct types of drunken text that you should all be familiar with:
1) The "fishing" text.
This text is normally along the lines of: "So wot u up 2 later?" or "U out tonight?", or simply "Silver?"
Despite appearing innocent at first, this type of text is far from it. Sent at 3am, this generally should be translated as: "I’m drunk, horny and haven't pulled tonight. Where is my back up shag? Wanna come round for a ride?!"
Typical response rate is around 10%. The determinates of a successful "fishing" text depend on alcohol levels in the person receiving the text, how filthy they are, and your marginal propensity to sleep.
A "fishing" text is at its worst when sent to an ex. Just don’t do it! Remove her number from your phone, or, do what I did, simply put "ooft No" after/b4 her name in your phone book as a gentle reminder to avoid embarrassing yourself.
Apparently the aussie's have got this sorted. You can ring up a company b4 you got out and have a specific number barred from your phone for the night! Smart!
2) The "T9" classic
For those geeks up on your phone lingo "T9" refers to the predictive text facility found on most mobile phones. Such a program, whilst useful during the day, can wreak havoc whilst texting under the influence of alcohol.
My personal favorites:
"Wish I was inside your gorgeous aunt right now"
The local boozer in town is called the crown, so when my 'mate Dave' asked a particularly nice female if she wanted to meet up:
''fancy gettin food in the crown?''
it inevitably got written as:
''fancy gettin done in the brown?''
"Fancy a dual?"
This last one is also classed as a "fishing" text since, as u may have realised, "dual" should, if u flick through the word options, means "fuck".
Fortunately, the girl i sent this baby to saw the funny side and hadn't been drinking. She sent the following reply:
"Andy, unfortunately i hav no desire to don full body armour, a sword, and a shield, grab my horse and ride over to urs for a "dual". Oh, and i certainly dont want sex with u!"
3) The "friend locator" text
The only type of text to be sent without sexual motivation. Picture the following situation:
You've just met some chick and your mates have fucked off to leave u to it. At which point she realises your chat stinks and she makes an excuse to go find her friends. U are left alone to fend for yourself. You reach for your mobile phone and attempt to call your friends several times b4 realising they will not be able to hear them ring. Your solution is to send the following message:
"Wher u? Ho on dancefloor" Or some other incomprehensible crap.
This situation is exasperated in the following Glasgow nightclubs:
Silver, The tunnel and the arches , since you have fuck all signal and must except the fact u will be paying for the entire taxi fair home or play that game outside the club where u go up to people u loosely recognize and start asking "Hamilton anyone?".
Response rate: 0.01%
4) "Declarations of undying love"
No doubt the most embarrassing of the drunken texts. Do you recognize any of the following?
"You are the most beautiful girl in the world!" - Ergh! (Note: Beautiful will almost always be spelt incorrectly))
"I love u!"
"Love you millions"
"Why cant all guys be as fit like you!"
"Missing you!" / "I miss you so much!" (My personal worst - I'm always sending it)
"a really fancy you."
It should be noted that for no apparent reason the number of kisses on the end of the text increases to some exponential figure. x x x x x x x x x x x x x
Response rate: 0% and by sheer coincidence that’s exactly how much sex you'll be getting from her after sending it. And also the amount of respect her friends will have for u after she shows it to her housemates after losing a call of shotgun for it.
5) Family texts
Doesn’t happen to many, but to those few who accidentally text the parents, it can be disastrous.
Normally, the parents will have had a phone conversation with you prior to going out so they are on your mind slightly.
Parents most likely to receive messages are those who are dangerously close to sexy chicks in the phone book. For example: "Dad" will be located near "Danni" alphabetically.
My favorites:
"I’m Wrecked and horny where are you?" (sent by a friend to their mother. They didn’t speak for a week or so)
"U wanna stay at mine tonite?" (ooh dear)
and last but not least...Phone sex.
"Ill start at ur nipples and lick my way down your fine body until I’m licking and sucking ur wet pussy... (you go)"
Imagine the embarrassment!
6) "Sex text"
It not big, its not clever. For some reason (normally alcohol) we can send the most disgusting of messages to our loved ones. I wont be displaying any!
7) "The Send to the Wrong Person Text".
Unfortunately this typically occurs when you are bitching about someone or saying you fancy someone. Their name sticks in your head when you're about to send to it... and BANG! Wrong person gets the very message they are the subject of.
Although this does have it advantages, because you can do the double bluff. Want to make your ex-girlfriend jealous? Easy send a message to her that was meant for your fictional new hot lover.
8. Singing Texts
Ever caught yourself texting song lyrics? Shocking really isn't it!
9. Pre-lash booty check texts
A sister to the "fishing text", the pre lash booty text is
sent in between the hours of 9pm and midnight generally whilst pre-lashing. The innocent "You out tonight?" sent to the opposite sex is again far from it.
It should be translated as, "Just checking your out in case i need to find u for some sex later."
In more serious cases it can be indicative of stalking and obsession. I advise girls not to send this type of text since this completely hands the power over to the guy and its up to him if you're getting any!
10)The "reminder" text
Normally sent just after 2am to yourself. The "reminder" text is just that. You have realized just how pissed you are and that in the morning you will remember nothing. You therefore send yourself reminders for the morning.
Examples:
"Say sorry to manda"
"Stu owes me £40"
"look @ camera pics"
"Key is under bin"
And that’s it. Feel free to add your texts, both sent and received to the wall of shame.
I’ve done most of these. A favorite one for me is the predictive text. I’m always sending silly shit to people. Usually to my Mum telling her I won’t be home. But predictive text says “I wont be good tonight” instead of “ I wont be home tonight”
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gavin18787
Premium Member
Registered: 22nd Feb 05
Location: Basildon, Essex
User status: Offline
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i can relate to some of them 
Drives supercharged Tec with torque  
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STEvieXE
Member
Registered: 21st Jan 03
Location: Ballymena N.I.
User status: Offline
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me too
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LoudandProud
Member
Registered: 12th Jan 01
Location: Stanway, Essex
User status: Offline
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very funny them, i been there alot, never sent family texts tho thank god haha
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Superlite Ltd.
Member
Registered: 9th Jan 07
User status: Offline
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quote:
Originally posted by Mark330d
"Why cant all guys be as fit like you!"
we have all been there before
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C2RL R
Member
Registered: 28th Mar 02
Location: Redcliffe, QLD
User status: Offline
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i've done most of those.
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Tom
Member
Registered: 3rd Apr 02
Location: Wirral, Merseyside
User status: Offline
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10% strike rate pah, more like 2% at the moment 
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