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Author Best Divorce Letter Ever
DaNnY_LaD
Member

Registered: 30th Nov 05
Location: Walkden,Manchester
User status: Offline
26th Nov 06 at 20:29   View User's Profile U2U Member Reply With Quote

Dear Connie,

I know the counselor said we shouldn't contact each other during our "cooling off" period, but I couldn't wait anymore. The day you left, I swore I'd never talk to you again. But that was just the wounded little boy in me talking. Still, I never wanted to be the first one to make contact. In my fantasies, it was always you who would come crawling back to me. I guess my pride needed that.

But now I see that my pride's cost me a lot of things. I'm tired of pretending I don't miss you. I don't care about looking bad anymore. I don't care who makes the first move as long as one of us does. Maybe it's time we let our hearts speak as loudly as our hurt. And this is what my heart says: "There's no one like you, Connie." I look for you in the eyes and breasts of every woman I see, but they're not you. They're not even close.

Two weeks ago, I met this girl at Flamingos and brought her home with me. I don't say this to hurt you, but just to illustrate the depth of my desperation. She was young, maybe 19; with one of those perfect bodies that only youth and maybe a childhood spent ice skating can give you. I mean, just a perfect body. Tits like you wouldn't believe and an ass that just wouldn't quit. Every man's dream, right? But as I sat on the couch being blown by this stunner, I thought, look at the stuff we've made important in our lives. It's all so superficial. What does a perfect body mean? Does it make her better in bed? Well, in this case, yes, but you see what I'm getting at. Does it make her a better person? Does she have a better heart than my moderately attractive Connie? I doubt it. And I'd never really thought of that before. I don't know, maybe I'm just growing up a little. Later, after I'd tossed her about a half a pint of throat yogurt, I found myself thinking, "Why do I feel so drained and empty?" It wasn't just her flawless technique or her slutty, shameless hunger, but something else. Some nagging feeling of loss. Why did it feel so incomplete?
And then it hit me. It didn't feel the same because you weren't there to watch. Do you know what I mean? Nothing feels the same without you. Jesus, Connie, I'm just going crazy without you. And everything I do just reminds me of you.

Do you remember Carol, that single mom we met at the Holiday Inn lounge last year? Well, she dropped by last week with a pan of lasagna. She said she figured I wasn't eating right without a woman around. I didn't know what she meant till later, but that's not the real story. Anyway, we had a few glasses of wine and the next thing you know, we're banging away in our old bedroom. And this tart's a total monster in the sack. She's giving me everything, you know, like a real woman does when she's not hung up about her weight or her career and whether the kids can hear us. And all of a sudden, she spots that tilting mirror on your grandmother's old vanity. So she puts it on the floor and we straddle it, right, so we can watch ourselves. And it's totally hot, but it makes me sad, too. Cause I can't help thinking, "Why didn't Connie ever put the mirror on the floor? We've had this old vanity for what, 14 years, and we never used it as a sex toy."

Saturday, your sister drops by with my copy of the restraining order. I mean, Vicky's just a kid and all, but she's got a pretty good head on her shoulders and she's been a real friend to me during this painful time. She's given me lots of good advice about you and about women in general. She's pulling for us to get back together, Connie, she really is. So we're doing Jell-O shots in a hot bubble bath and talking about happier times. Here's this teenage girl with the same DNA as you and all I can do is think of how much she looked like you when you were 18. And that just about makes me cry.

And then it turns out Vicky's really into the whole anal thing. That gets me to thinking about how many times I pressured you about trying it and how that probably fueled some of the bitterness between us. But do you see how even then, when I'm thrusting inside your baby sister's cinnamon ring, all I can do is think of you? It's true, Connie. In your heart you must know it. Don't you think we could start over? Just wipe out all the grievances away and start fresh? I think we can. If you feel the same please, please, please let me know.

Otherwise, can you let me know where the effing remote is?

Love,
Dan
Liam
Member

Registered: 19th Jan 06
Location: Stafford
User status: Offline
26th Nov 06 at 20:33   View User's Profile U2U Member Reply With Quote

Aaron
Member

Registered: 9th Aug 04
Location: Cottingham, East Riding
User status: Offline
26th Nov 06 at 20:34   View User's Profile U2U Member Reply With Quote

jamied
Member

Registered: 27th Oct 03
Location: Marbella,Spain Drives: C63
User status: Offline
26th Nov 06 at 20:38   View User's Profile U2U Member Reply With Quote

quote:
Originally posted by DaNnY_LaD

But do you see how even then, when I'm thrusting inside your baby sister's cinnamon ring, all I can do is think of you?


pmsl
Eck
Premium Member

Avatar

Registered: 17th Apr 06
Location: Lundin Links, Fife
User status: Offline
26th Nov 06 at 20:39   View Garage View User's Profile U2U Member Reply With Quote

RS6
Member

Registered: 5th Nov 03
Location: with MJ
User status: Offline
26th Nov 06 at 20:52   View User's Profile U2U Member Reply With Quote

baza31
Member

Registered: 19th Apr 03
Location: yorkshire
User status: Offline
26th Nov 06 at 20:58   View User's Profile U2U Member Reply With Quote

thats quality. Imagine the look on the wifes face. legend
Rich H
Member

Registered: 26th Oct 05
Location: West Sussex Drives: E46 M3
User status: Offline
26th Nov 06 at 21:10   View User's Profile U2U Member Reply With Quote

Simon_16v
Member

Registered: 14th Aug 06
Location: Yorkshire
User status: Offline
26th Nov 06 at 21:28   View User's Profile U2U Member Reply With Quote

Pure genius
Tom J
Organiser: South Wales
Premium Member


Registered: 8th Sep 03
Location: Bridgend
User status: Offline
26th Nov 06 at 22:22   View User's Profile U2U Member Reply With Quote

aim1
Member

Registered: 26th Jun 06
Location: Kent
User status: Offline
27th Nov 06 at 13:21   View User's Profile U2U Member Reply With Quote

Jez_B
Member

Registered: 8th Nov 06
Location: Towcester, Northants
User status: Offline
27th Nov 06 at 16:56   View User's Profile U2U Member Reply With Quote

Lmao
waynep
Member

Registered: 20th Apr 02
Location: london
User status: Offline
27th Nov 06 at 17:34   View User's Profile U2U Member Reply With Quote

jamied
Member

Registered: 27th Oct 03
Location: Marbella,Spain Drives: C63
User status: Offline
27th Nov 06 at 17:37   View User's Profile U2U Member Reply With Quote

so what if its a repost? cant have been very recent as 11/12 have replied to this thread
Poot
Member

Registered: 30th Jan 05
Location: Wales/midlands drives: 1.6 16v
User status: Offline
27th Nov 06 at 23:27   View User's Profile U2U Member Reply With Quote


 
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