Steve
Premium Member
Registered: 30th Mar 02
Location: Worcestershire Drives: Defender
User status: Offline
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...Logging into car websites pretending your drunk 
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Jambo
Member
Registered: 8th Sep 01
Location: Maidenhead, Drives: VXR Arctic
User status: Offline
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# complain about fine for illedgable ittalic number plates
# get a chav slag to perform oral whilst your mate is in the back
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Steve
Premium Member
Registered: 30th Mar 02
Location: Worcestershire Drives: Defender
User status: Offline
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quote:
Originally posted by Jambo
# complain about fine for illedgable ittalic number plates
# getting clairef to perform oral whilst your mate is in the back
thought we werent gonna make this personal? 
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Jason Iles
Member
Registered: 19th Jun 01
Location: Bristol
User status: Offline
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quote:
Originally posted by Steve
...Logging into car websites pretending your drunk
WtrHat do you Mealln 
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Cybermonkey
Member
Registered: 22nd Sep 02
Location: Sydney, Australia
User status: Offline
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steven om that lonley at the moent that i have ithng better to do seriouslyt. i really need a girlfirned, but the l;ast one i had turned out to be a psychom, ao now i just go out and get drunj, then come gome and swirtch my cunoepter on. sit on the unternet for a little whike then might fo to bed soonish, i got snrew keyboard and mouse. its a mictrosoft maouser and kepyboard 4000. google it mate
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Jambo
Member
Registered: 8th Sep 01
Location: Maidenhead, Drives: VXR Arctic
User status: Offline
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Well even if we dont we should still put that quote about posting pics of fingers up your bottom in as i fell off my chair readign that
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3CorsaMeal
Member
Registered: 11th Apr 02
User status: Offline
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how do you manage to log on, when typing is that hard?
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Steve
Premium Member
Registered: 30th Mar 02
Location: Worcestershire Drives: Defender
User status: Offline
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quote:
Originally posted by Jambo
Well even if we dont we should still put that quote about posting pics of fingers up your bottom in as i fell off my chair readign that
did it hurt
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Cybermonkey
Member
Registered: 22nd Sep 02
Location: Sydney, Australia
User status: Offline
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autosdaved the usremanre and password. ask ian!!!! rgwn its a case if pressing the new IR buttton on the keyboard and away i go. i dont theinkg i should drive tow rk tomorrow
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Jambo
Member
Registered: 8th Sep 01
Location: Maidenhead, Drives: VXR Arctic
User status: Offline
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yes i was drunk
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Scotty C
Member
Registered: 6th Nov 05
Location: Kidderminster Drives: 1.6 16v Sport
User status: Offline
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quote:
Originally posted by Cybermonkey
steven om that lonley at the moent that i have ithng better to do seriouslyt. i really need a girlfirned, but the l;ast one i had turned out to be a psychom, ao now i just go out and get drunj, then come gome and swirtch my cunoepter on. sit on the unternet for a little whike then might fo to bed soonish, i got snrew keyboard and mouse. its a mictrosoft maouser and kepyboard 4000. google it mate
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Jambo
Member
Registered: 8th Sep 01
Location: Maidenhead, Drives: VXR Arctic
User status: Offline
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#257 inist manafacturers LIE about 0-60 figures making them out to be slower than they are to help "keep the insurance down"
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CorsAsh
Member
Registered: 19th Apr 02
Location: Munich
User status: Offline
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quote:
Originally posted by Tom
I love the way you take control ash you're such a man 
Manly man.
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3CorsaMeal
Member
Registered: 11th Apr 02
User status: Offline
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really believe you can beat the book figure for top speed by 20mph, even tho thats faster than the next model up of your car
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Simon_16v
Member
Registered: 14th Aug 06
Location: Yorkshire
User status: Offline
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Come on, we need a fully acceptable list so it can be put on max power and laught at the response after tea
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CorsAsh
Member
Registered: 19th Apr 02
Location: Munich
User status: Offline
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#1 Add a jet engine to your car, flip it at 300mph
#2 Grow a ginger beard and learn to roundhouse kick stuff.
#3 Fit VTEC.
#4 Fit civic lights to it regardless of how they fit
#5 Put the entire interior on the exterior, and have an interior like a ferry’s exterior
#6 Fit the 1st set of alloys you can get your hands on regardless of offset
#7 Refer to your car as your "ride" regardless to the fact that you don't actually ride a car
#8 Pretend your building something special, keep it a secret, drop hints on forums to get attention about your secret project, never finish it, sell it in bits on ebay.........pretend you have another secret project your raising funds for
#9 Make your own in-car driving video and call it "Boys have fun"
#10 Join http://www.VAGweb.co.uk
#11 Fit a shit exhaust
#12 Make wide arches out of expanding foam
#13 Ring Vauxhall to get a working flux capacitor
#14 Put your back seats down to reduce weight and improve performance - Whilst fitting a rather heavy sub and amp to your car
#15 Fit a Cossie cone, just because they're so damn cool.
#16 Stick on random VXR, turbo, GSi, TypeR badges as you see fit
#17 Fit a BFO exhaust because it means big 'fuck' off and you like swearing
#18 Fit a multitude of stickers even if you don’t actually own anything from the companies you’re promoting
#19 Fit a sock to induction system & wonder why the car doesn't work properly
#20 Attempt to fit a dump valve to your 1.2, your mate did it he said it was easy
#21 Stick a CD to your horn to bling your car up that extra bit.
#22 Stick tights over your headlights for that genuine tinted look
#23 Realise dump valves only work on turbo cars, purchase fake electric sound dump valve from eBay
#24 Video yourself doing 130mph in third gear
#25 Gain 10-15% in performance for just £4.50 on eBay
#26 If you are Asian, put a gold decorative tissue box on your parcel shelf
#27 Let a 16 year old girl drive and crash your car because you want to have sex with her
#28 Fit rub strips
#29 Lie about owning a Calibra
#30 Cover your boring grey parcel shelf with an England flag
#31 Buy a BMW 316 add m3 badges
#32 Hang CD from rear view mirror
#33 Want to own a CTR
#34 ...or a blue Impreza with Gold wheels and a Prodrive jacket
#35 Angle seat backwards
#36 Use only one hand to steer
#37 Fit leather look seat covers from Argos
#38 Master the art of drifting using 2 McDonalds trays
#39 Argue about how cars handle that youve never driven
#40 Debadge car.....only to fit a sticker 100 times as big saying the same thing as the badge did
#41 Fit DIY tints as they are P.I.M.P
#42 Fit two engines to your car by welding steel tubing together to support it, never get them running, get bum lickings from people with only 1 engine
#43 Fit a non-working roof scoop
#44 Get Chinese motifs all over your bonnet when you're quite clearly white
#45 Start your own online Corsa community
#46 Enquire about possible turbo conversion for 1.2 engines
#47 Buy leaf blower electric supercharger from eBay
#48 Remove two HT leads so your 1.0 sounds like a Subaru
#49 Be deluded into thinking the Corsa GSi is actually quick
#50 ...then start smallblockxe.com
#51 Fit calliper covers to make it look like you have 4 pots
#52 ...and fake rear discs...
#53 Fit alloys before lowering
#54 Cut springs as lowering kits cost too much
#55 Wonder why your suspension fell out...
#56 Sex wee at the sight of Carbon Fibre
#57 Include the "playboy" logo on at least 1 object on or in the car, again very P.I.M.P
#58 Use chicken wire instead of mesh
#59 Fit a whale tail
#60 Claim to have a 2.0 8v Corsa that does 140mph
#61 Drink Carling at a cruise
#62 Flash your eggy breasts at a cruise
#63 Fit a twin upswept DTM in the middle of the back bumper
#64 Fit a huge dual exit in the middle of your Corsa GSi's rear bumper
#65 Post pics of your 1.4 doing 127mph.
#66 Advise people not to rev over 2krpm when the engine is cold
#67 Call GTX Magnatec a marketing gimmick
#68 Think that octane booster or super unleaded makes a difference on your 1.2
#69 Put SRi badges on your Corsa C, because you believe it's faster than an SXi
#70 Make a tongue shaped bonnet
#71 Wonder why your car pulls to the left when driving to PVS 05 - realise it's because your new girlfriend loves pudding
#72 Make a Hans Solo stuck in metal thing on your bonnet
#73 If you don’t have foglights install some then break the switch so they never go off (even in broad daylight)
#74 "Strip" your car of all needless electrical wiring even though you have no experience of auto electrics
#75 Wire up your fuel pump relay to the rear foglight switch.
#76 Talk 'Mockney as its "cool" facking riote mate
#77 Type wkd like chavs innit
#78 Sit on roundabouts that are powered by mopeds
#79 Buy shares in Ripspeed
#80 Buy ANYTHING in Ripspeed
#81 Invest in some “Tireflies”
#82 State at least once that the all corsa 8v engines are "bullet-proof"
#83 Fail to understand "heatsoak"
#84 Spend your Saturday flicking through Halfords lexus lights catalogue and admiring the Peco exhausts
#85 Take pictures of your new Peco exhaust & lexus lights in pitch black with the flash on
#86 Read the online guide for the paperclip test but understand none of it then still go to Vauxhall
#87 Lie consistently about your cars performance figures stating "don’t know what the previous owner done to it but its rapid"
#88 Take a picture of your 'new' wheels, just resting against your car
#89 Your 1.4 16v Sport IS faster than a pulsar GTIR. Tell everyone.
#90 Fit seatbelt covers
#91 Show everyone your superior car knowledge by always calling the nova the "corsa a"
#92 Identify yourself as a Corsa Whore by telling people how the ashtray differs between later and earlier Corsa Bs…
#93 Double your cars value by adding random fibreglass
#94 Go as fast as you can past a primary school to impress the young girls
#95 …then crash into some railings and claim it was only at 15mph…
#96 Always state in "k's" how much money you've spent on your car
#97 And if its not up to the value of a 'k,' its 'bar.'
#97 Lean into a corner to maintain speed
#100 Wire up LEDS directly to the car battery
#101 Add all the bhp of your individual mods together, we all know that’s how you work out the power figure
#102 Have more TVs in your car than you do in your house
#103 Buy a Fast and Furious style rev counter that’s bigger than your dash
#104 Make your own stealth shelf with a pair of your mums tights
#105 Combine expensive cars with corsas, e.g. a Jaguar and a Corsa
#106 Crash your 1.4 Peugeot 106 due to torque steer
#107 Stress that your car is really fast for what it is
#108 Tell everyone how you beat a more powerful car on twisty B roads by taking the “racing line”
#109 Drill your airbox on the side next to the engine
#110 Ask how much power gains you will get from Splitfire spark plugs
#111 Get Ross Thompson to take pics of your car, and post them up
#112 Prepare for Ross to get annoyed for you breaching his copywrite.
#113 Have a crap education, make this obvious by the blatant mispelling of the word copyright
#144 Realise your mistake and but a universal induction kit from E-bay which luckily improves the cars responsiveness
#115 Say "each to their own" when discussing an ugly car
#116 Drive round with no fuel in the tank to save weight
#117 Never ever call tyres "tyres" in a fellow modders company - always say rubber to maintain cool points
#118 Drive with your windows down so the "rozzers" don't see your tints
#119 To take away the pain of your car having less than 90bhp always state how good it is on petrol
#120 Enquire about fitting an intercooler to your SXi, and ask in Help Zone if its an easy job.
#121 Make your motto to "only live your life a 1/4 mile at a time"
#122 Own all the fast and the furious films, study them every night for driving tips
#123 …then trawl eBay to find a 38 speed gearbox like those in the films
#124 u2u EVERYONE selling ANYTHING in classifieds
#125 Install nitrous oxide, then, whilst parked on the side of a dual carriageway scream "I think iv just blown the welds on the intake"
#126 Reply on a thread telling someone you've u2u'd them
#127 Refurb your alloys with nothing more than a spray can from Halfords
#128 Make important decisions about your life by starting a poll in General Chat
#129 Loosen the floorpan in your car, then whilst your doing 90mph kick it down to create sparks on the road (especially effective at night)
#130 Fit a Nos sub, you cant afford NOS but your mates don't know.
#131 Wear a sleeveless top
#132 Tell people to ask any racer, any real racer, to find out it doesn’t matter if you win by an inch or a mile because winning’s winning
#133 Wear giant gold chains when taking your bright yellow BMW on a 0-60 run
#134 Think that your car is cool because it flames but its actually overfuelling
#135 Make your own straight through exhaust system from scaffolding poles
#136 Send pictures of your crashed car into a magazine
#137 Claim to have single handedly advanced the modified corsa world
#138 Lay claim to your girlfriends cars
#139 Moan about people jumping on bandwagons
#140 Buy a flamer kit
#141 Buy a delta kit
#142 Aspire to own a Mynheer kit
#143 Crash your car into a field at 90mph whilst showing off to 15 year old girls.
#144 Buy a different air freshener every month
#145 Leave the old ones in the car
#146 Fit huge wheels and then act surprised when the ball joints snap off
#147 Buy a Subaru Impreza as your 2nd car
#148 Know all 17 of the 'secret' cubby holes you can create in your car buy pulling bits of trim off, to stash your green when the 'feds' stop you for driving like a dick.
#149 Be safe in the knowledge that owning the best car is better than having a house
#150 Tailgate as often as possible as you are in the persons slipstream making it easier for overtaking manoeuvres at incredibly stupid times
#151 Put a post up at least once every 48 hours asking what to do to your car next
#152 Think that the corsa cabrio and pickup are 'cool'
#153 Wait 6 months and pay 200 quid for some black plastic
#154 Wish you could order overnight parts from Japan
#155 Find out how to break into Corsas
#156 Sell the information on eBay
#157 Try and sell your Corsa GSi in Classic car magazine
#158 Try and get a traders policy even though you work in McDonalds
#159 Place your Corsa 1.2 8v in the performance section of autotrader because it has a Wombat kit
#160 Try to sell your body kitted thing for 5 times its value
#161 …then drop it to £500 when people take the piss
#162 Learn the Max Power figure stats off by heart & quote them as soon as anyone mentions said car
#163 Turn your diesel Corsa into a "rally car"
#164 Do an engine conversion but change as little as possible from the original spec of your car
#165…in fact, put the lowest spec brakes you can find onto the vehicle.
#166 Do an engine conversion but don't change it on the log book or tell insurance “coz itz well cheeper innit”
#167 Post asking how many people don’t declare their mods, then decide to when you get slated
#168 Remember that 1st and 2nd gear is all that’s needed in urban areas
#169 Think of the limiter as a place to rest the rev counter needle
#170 When driving through tunnels blip the throttle to remind yourself you are related to Nigel Mansell
#171 Feel like a proper mechanic by smearing dirty fingerprints through the pages of your Haynes manual
#172 If you ever get into a skid maintain it was a powerslide and you meant it
#173 Get your mates you hold your car back as you spin the front wheels so a chav mag can publish a photo of your “burnout”
#174 To look hard throw your litter out of the window, even if parked up and less than 2 meters away from a bin
#175 Always wheelspin if front of large groups of people, It is universally considered cool
#176 Own your own overalls with your name on them
#177 Drive around for as long as possible with unpainted bodykit pieces on your car
#178 Add extra coolness points for every patch of filler or primer
#179 Think that posting the logout feature in a hidden link will gain you online reputation points
#180 Think that people on the internet actually give a toss
#181 Have a number plate slogan
#182 Have a fancy font and complain when the police pull you over
#183 Feel persecuted by the police when you’re clearly a wanker anyway
#184 Fit a motorbike numberplate to your motorcar
#185 Fit as many spoilers as possible, preferably aluminium ones
#186 Put stickers of whichever car club you belong to in your rear windows
#187 On a public forum organise a drag strip race in your 1.5TD against a 2.0 16v and don't turn up.
#188 Rev your engine before turning it off, how cool are you!
#189 Buy a turbo timer cos you’re too important and busy to sit in your car for 20 seconds at the end of your journey
#190 Stick your finger in your bum and post pics on a car enthusiasts website
#191 Wish you were more black
#192 When quoting the engine spec, include HT leads and spark plugs, point it out as a MOD at every chance
#193 Break down at least once at a show
#194 Crush Corsas in your blinged 4x4
#195 Install fake Type S tweeter air fresheners and pretend your car has VTEC
#196 Pay a random slut to come to a meet with you
#197 If you are the random slut, claim in your CV that you had a photoshoot with the magazine that was there…
#198 Pretend your European car is Jap
#199 Buy a road going pug, with a rallye sticker and pretend its a rally inspired car and you're more Colin McRae than anyone else
#200 Once you have attained the heady heights of a magazine feature your 0-60 time must be done by the stopwatch you have in your phone
#201 Ask what POAH means
#202 Wear pink shirts when going out on the town
#203 Log into car websites pretending your drunk
#204 Cut out pieces of your cars floorpan and replace with MDF its lighter and more durable
#205 Remove all crash bars to save weight they are of no use to you
#206 Argue the toss that an ecotek valve WILL increase power and fuel economy
#207 Think the C16XE is a serious bit of kit as it has a Cosworth Valve
#208 Travel to the other side of the world to source a C20XE just because its COSCAST
#209 Fit a fifth wheel "because its different"
#210 Claim you’re modifying the car for you and no one else, then simply do what everyone else tells you to
#211 Think you're hardcore because you've replaced your spare wheel with tyreweld
#212 Realise you bought radweld by mistake when you get a flat tyre
#213 Get offended and be abusive when Vibrio informs you that your car looks like shit
#214 Ask if the cams from a 2.0 will fit your "small block XE". They're both XE's after all.
#215 Argue with everyone that your GSi with drilled airbox sounds like a WRX
#216 Refuse to accept that anyone but you knows why Subaru engines sound the way they do
#217 Claim how good Corsa's are but stick bits on from any different car that’s possible
#218 Argue about what is faster, 1.2 8v or 12volt corsa
#219 Never service your vehicle, instead spend the money on some 6x9s and subs so you cant hear how badly your car is running
#220 Leave the hole in your exhaust as long as possible - it makes your 1.2 8v sound like a Corvette
#221 Hang around forums all day when you don't even own the car the forum is focused around
#222 Hang around forums all day when you don't even own a car
#223 Be really defensive on forums because you've suffered years of abuse but still can't leave
#224 Always do women “dry”
#225 Be outspoken on the net but quiet in real life
#226 See your car on Barryboys and claim you don’t care what they think
#227 Register on Barryboys and rant at them
#228 Get banned from Barryboys after being flamed and lie on your bed crying into a pillow
#229 Constantly ask for photoshops of mods but have no intention of doing any of it...ever
#230 Say 'that's ripe for a 2.0 16v conversion' to everyone without one.
#231 Tell people that they’ll have no trouble selling their car
#232 Retract your previous statement 9 months down the line when they have to break it
#233 Never dare to cut up any thing with Irmscher or GSi on it.
#234 Make it your life time ambition to be on the cover of a mag alongside Westwood and some spotty slag from Essex
Updated 
[Edited on 29-09-2006 by CorsAsh]
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SteveW
Member
Registered: 15th Jul 02
Location: Up in the clouds
User status: Offline
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wel it started on tips to be a driving god.. then kinda ended up with people just slating other people from the board
still funny tho..
and my car has broken down at a show Me Matt and Ed had to push it into Trax
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CorsAsh
Member
Registered: 19th Apr 02
Location: Munich
User status: Offline
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Tips on how to be a driving god from an online car community now...
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Cybermonkey
Member
Registered: 22nd Sep 02
Location: Sydney, Australia
User status: Offline
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VXR/Daimo applies to 220 of the 234 on the list
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Marc
Member
Registered: 11th Aug 02
Location: York
User status: Offline
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Sober now are we David 
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Matt H
Member
Registered: 11th Sep 01
Location: South Yorkshire
User status: Offline
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We've missed out stuff like "lean into a corner to maintain speed"
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Simon_16v
Member
Registered: 14th Aug 06
Location: Yorkshire
User status: Offline
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Right, keep an eye for someone called Ultimate_Maxed_Power on the max power forums
[Edited on 29-09-2006 by SRi_Si]
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Marc
Member
Registered: 11th Aug 02
Location: York
User status: Offline
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Nope, you've just added it
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CorsAsh
Member
Registered: 19th Apr 02
Location: Munich
User status: Offline
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quote:
Originally posted by Matt H
We've missed out stuff like "lean into a corner to maintain speed"
Pick one to replace then
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Cybermonkey
Member
Registered: 22nd Sep 02
Location: Sydney, Australia
User status: Offline
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quote:
Originally posted by Marc
Sober now are we David
am i fducl. just emailed who i am in love wi5th ebevause i dont habe the balls to do it in eprson
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