Marshall
Member
Registered: 10th Nov 05
Location: Boston, Lincs Drives: 1.4 Sport & 2.2 astra
User status: Offline
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Early retirement.
Due to the current situation within the farming industry, the government has decided to offer all farmers and agricultural workers an early retirement scheme. This will be known as R A P E (Retire Agricultural Persons Early).
Farmers selected to be R A P E D can also elect to join the S H A F T scheme (Special Help after Farm Termination).
Those who have been R A P E D and S H A F T E D will automatically become eligible for an initiative to be known as S C R E W (Scheme of Compensation for Retired Early Workers).
Please note that farming personel can be R A P E D once, S H A F T E D twice and S C R E W E D as many times as the government deems appropriate.
Farmers that have been R A P E D can apply to get H I V (Higher Industrial Valuation) and, If approved for this valuable benefit go on to apply for A I D S (Additional Income for Dependants), or H E R P E S (Half Earnings for Rural Persons on Early Severance).
Farm workers who are not also landowners are to be catered for by another programme currently under developement within the ministry which is provisionally entitled B O L L O C K S (Bucolic Other Landless Labourers Or Country Kindred Scheme).
Those agricultural workers of all varieties still left within the industry will automatically be entitled to receive S H I T (Special High Intensity Training) and as much C R A P (Caring Responsive Assistance Programme) as possible.
As you are aware the government has always prided itself on the amount of S H I T and C R A P that it has given to farmers. Should you feel, however, that you are not receiving enough S H I T, or that you are not benefiting adequately from all the C R A P then please bring this to my attention as the many additonal staff recruited to this ministry in the last momentous nine years have been specially trained to give you all the S H I T and C R A P that you can handle.
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Sam
Moderator
Premium Member
Registered: 24th Dec 99
Location: West Midlands
User status: Offline
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JadeM
Premium Member
Registered: 9th Feb 06
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ooooh aaaarr
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TNM
Member
Registered: 5th Apr 04
Location: Nottingham Drives: VW Tiguan
User status: Offline
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farmers arent poor.
i know a few farmers who drive range rovers  and thier missus have nice Z4's or SLK's or something similar.
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Marshall
Member
Registered: 10th Nov 05
Location: Boston, Lincs Drives: 1.4 Sport & 2.2 astra
User status: Offline
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quote:
Originally posted by TNM
farmers arent poor.
i know a few farmers who drive range rovers and thier missus have nice Z4's or SLK's or something similar.
so... you know a few rich farmers, so we must all be. utter BS
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TNM
Member
Registered: 5th Apr 04
Location: Nottingham Drives: VW Tiguan
User status: Offline
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i know quite a few farmers
none of them struggle for money.
have nice cars, always throw thier money about.
[Edited on 26-08-2006 by TNM]
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Marshall
Member
Registered: 10th Nov 05
Location: Boston, Lincs Drives: 1.4 Sport & 2.2 astra
User status: Offline
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my family are farmers, we live in huge house with ajoining Mill,
but there are some poor farmers...
honest.
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Dan
Premium Member
Registered: 22nd Apr 02
Location: Gorleston on Sea, Norfolk
User status: Offline
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u never see one on a bike...
Adult GiftsClick here to vist us
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