jr
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Registered: 20th May 02
Location: Kent
User status: Offline
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NEW CORSA OFFERS THICK CLOT OPTIONS
There was good news for fans of being a dithering thicko this week as Vauxhall revealed more details of the brand new Corsa, including a series of high tech options specifically designed for the kind of mush brained simpletons who bought the old model. Chief amongst these options is a new system dubbed MLA - Middle Lane Assist - which relies on a series of sophisticated sensors to detect if the driver is displaying anything resembling correct motorway discipline and triggers a warning tone so that they can resume their correct spot in the middle lane, even though the inside lane is completely empty. MLA is directly linked to another exciting new feature known as ASA, or Annoying Speed Assist, which is capable of detecting the speed limit for any given road and then holding the car at precisely 4.5mph less than that. Meanwhile, low speed manoeuvring is taken care of by another revolutionary system labelled Inept Park Assist (IPA) which works off the familiar bumper-mounted parking sensors but sends the information from them to a dedicated ECU which then assesses the steering and throttle inputs needed to bump repeatedly into the car behind and still manage to come to rest bang slap in the middle of a kerbside space that is actually big enough to accommodate two cars, if they weren't driven by people who are fucking idiots. Of course, the new Corsa isn't just about technology. Amongst the unique aesthetic features premiering on this model, Vauxhall is promising a standard fit range of stupid little teddy bears and gonks strewn all over the dashboard and rear seat so that the entire interior resembles a 12 year old girl's bedroom. When the new Corsa goes on sale in the Autumn prices are expected to start at whatever Vauxhall reckons it can get away with, given that anybody buying one clearly knows fuck all about cars and will be so busy deciding what stupid bloody name they're going to give it that they won't ask for a discount.
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K2 GTi
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Registered: 21st Oct 04
User status: Offline
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summery? 
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jr
Member
Registered: 20th May 02
Location: Kent
User status: Offline
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its hardly war and peace is it, read it
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SXi_Tim
Member
Registered: 11th Mar 03
Location: South Yorkshire Drives: RS3, LET B
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More cocks taking the piss out of vauxhalls?
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Ojc
Member
Registered: 14th Nov 00
Location: Reading: Drives : Clio 197
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I like Sniff Petrol  I'll let them have that one
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CorsAsh
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Registered: 19th Apr 02
Location: Munich
User status: Offline
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I love the adverts
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Planty02
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Registered: 5th Mar 05
Location: Burslem, Stoke-on-Trent
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Sound like something clarkson would come out with 
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Robin
Premium Member
Registered: 7th Jan 04
Location: Northants Drives: Clio 182 Cup
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oh, the high horses are out on here again
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jr
Member
Registered: 20th May 02
Location: Kent
User status: Offline
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I couldnt give a fuck if it rips the piss out of corsa's, its funny
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CorsAsh
Member
Registered: 19th Apr 02
Location: Munich
User status: Offline
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jr, you got that pic of you when Jim showed you the letter I sent?
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jr
Member
Registered: 20th May 02
Location: Kent
User status: Offline
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garage, random images folder
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Robin
Premium Member
Registered: 7th Jan 04
Location: Northants Drives: Clio 182 Cup
User status: Offline
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liar liar pant on fire
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CorsAsh
Member
Registered: 19th Apr 02
Location: Munich
User status: Offline
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Looks like he stabbed you
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Robin
Premium Member
Registered: 7th Jan 04
Location: Northants Drives: Clio 182 Cup
User status: Offline
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what did the note say?
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CorsAsh
Member
Registered: 19th Apr 02
Location: Munich
User status: Offline
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Dear jr,
Were you aware that despite his hair stylist looks and air con racer habits, Robin Marriott is in fact straight?
Sincerely yours,
Ash.x
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Robin
Premium Member
Registered: 7th Jan 04
Location: Northants Drives: Clio 182 Cup
User status: Offline
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it didnt really, did it? 
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CorsAsh
Member
Registered: 19th Apr 02
Location: Munich
User status: Offline
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No
I sold SVM some tickets to see the Chilis, and enclosed a letter confirming his purchase from ":jr: concert promotions"
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Robin
Premium Member
Registered: 7th Jan 04
Location: Northants Drives: Clio 182 Cup
User status: Offline
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CorsAsh
Member
Registered: 19th Apr 02
Location: Munich
User status: Offline
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quote:
:jr:
concert
promotions
Thank you for using :jr: concert promotions. Your tickets are enclosed with this letter. We hope you enjoy your chosen performance and look forward to your future custom.
Regards
The :jr: Team.
***
Please quote ref:
:jrinarubberdinghyfullofbakedbeansmassagingacossiehead:
in any correspondence.
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Robin
Premium Member
Registered: 7th Jan 04
Location: Northants Drives: Clio 182 Cup
User status: Offline
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love it 
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Jambo
Member
Registered: 8th Sep 01
Location: Maidenhead, Drives: VXR Arctic
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To all on tall horses get a sense of humour!
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Ojc
Member
Registered: 14th Nov 00
Location: Reading: Drives : Clio 197
User status: Offline
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Looks like premature ejaculation.
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jr
Member
Registered: 20th May 02
Location: Kent
User status: Offline
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quote:
Originally posted by Ojc
Looks like premature ejaculation.
that only happens when you touch me
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Ojc
Member
Registered: 14th Nov 00
Location: Reading: Drives : Clio 197
User status: Offline
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I was going to say the same thing 
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jr
Member
Registered: 20th May 02
Location: Kent
User status: Offline
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"Hold me"
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