wiggsy
Member
Registered: 18th Feb 04
Location: Bromley
User status: Offline
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I recall my first time with a condom, I was 16 or so. I went in to buy a package of condoms. There
was a beautiful woman behind the counter, and she could see that I was new at it. She handed me the
package and asked, if I knew how to wear one.
I honestly answered, "No." So she unwrapped the package, took one out and slipped it over her
thumb. She cautioned me to make sure it was on tight and secure. I apparently still looked confused. So she looked all around the store. It was empty.
"Just a minute," she said, and walked to the door, and locked it. Taking my hand, she led me into
the back room, unbuttoned her blouse and removed it. She unhooked her bra and laid it aside. "Do these excite you?" she asked.
Well, I was so dumb-struck that all I could do was nod my head. She then said, it was time to slip the condom on. As I was slipping it on, she dropped her skirt, removed her panties and lay down on a desk.
"Well, come on", she said, "We don't have much time." So I climbed on her.
It was so wonderful, that unfortunately, I could no longer hold back and POW, I was done within a
few minutes. She looked at me with a frown. "Did you put that condom on?"
I said, "I sure did," and held up my thumb to show her.
Royal Wedding Night
Camilla bought new shoes for her wedding which got tighter and tighter as the day went on.
That night, when the festivities were finally over and they retired to their room, she flopped
on the bed and said, "Charles, darling. Please remove my shoes. My feet are killing me!"
Her ever-obedient Prince of Wales attacked her right shoe with vigor, but it would not budge.
"Harder!" yelled Camilla.
"Harder?!?!?" Charles yelled back, "I'm trying, darling! But it's just so [Censored] tight!"
"Come on! Give it all you've got!" she cried.
Finally, when it released, Charles let out a big groan and Camilla exclaimed, "There! Oh, God,
that feels so good!"
In their bedroom next door, the Queen said to Prince Phillip, "See? I told
you with a face like that, she was still a virgin!".
Meanwhile, as Charles tried to remove her left shoe, he cried, "Oh, God, darling! This one's even tighter!"
At which Prince Phillip said to the Queen, "That's my boy: once a Navy man, always a Navy man!"
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At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates
reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated,
"If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we
would all be driving $25.00 cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon".
In response to Bill's comments, General Motors issued a press release
stating: If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be
driving cars with the following characteristics (and I just love this part):
1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash twice a day.
2. Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you would have to buy a new car.
3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason.
You would have to pull over to the side of the road,
close all of the windows, shut off the car, restart it, and reopen the windows before you
could continue. For some reason you would simply accept this.
4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn would cause
your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.
5. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five times as fast and
twice as easy to drive - but would run on only five percent of the roads.
6. The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning lights would all be replaced by a single
"This Car Has Performed An Illegal Operation" warning light.
7. The airbag system would ask "Are you sure?" before deploying.
8. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out
and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door
handle, turned the key and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.
9. Every time a new car was introduced car buyers would have to learn how to drive all over again
because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.
10.You'd have to press the "Start" button to turn the engine off.
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One day a young couple were in their bedroom making love.
All of a sudden a bumblebee entered the bedroom window. As the young
lady
parted her legs the bee entered her vagina.
The woman started screaming "Oh my God, help me, there's a bee in my
vagina!"
The husband immediately took her to the local doctor and explained the
situation. The doctor thought for a moment and said "Hmm, tricky
situation.
But I have a solution to the problem if young sir would permit."
The husband being very concerned agreed that the doctor could use
whatever method to get the bee out of his wife's vagina. The doctor said
"OK, what I'm gonna do is rub some honey over the top of my [willy] and
insert
it into your wife's vagina. When I feel the bee getting closer to the
tip
of my [willy] I shall withdraw it and the bee should hopefully follow my
[willy] out
of your wife's vagina. The husband nodded and gave his approval.
The young lady said "Yes, Yes, whatever, just get on with it."
So the doctor, after covering the tip of his [willy] with honey, inserted
it
into the young lady's vagina. After a few gentle strokes, the doctor
said,
"I don't think the bee has noticed the honey yet.. Perhaps I should
go a bit deeper."
So the docto r went deeper and deeper. After a while the doctor
began shafting the young lady very hard indeed. The young lady began to
quiver with excitement. She began to moan and groan aloud. The doctor,
concentrating very hard, looked like he was enjoying himself, he then
put
his hands on the young lady's breasts and started making loud noises.
The husband at this point suddenly became very annoyed and shouted, "Now
wait a minute! What the Hell do you think you're doing?"
The doctor, still concentrating, replied,
"Change of plan. I'm gonna drown the [bar steward]!"
_________________
Women eh!
boob jobs,botox,pierced ears,nipples,bellys and clits.Eyebrows plucked,bikin lines and legs waxed and they wont take it up the ARSE because it HURTS
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f a girl feels uneasy watching you masterbate,do you think...
A. you should spend more time together?
B. shes a prude? or
C. She should sit some where else on the bus?
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