Icy
Member
Registered: 31st Jan 01
Location: Edinburgh Drives: Mk3 Golf Gti
User status: Offline
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Posh and Becks jokes
Posh and Becks are sitting in front of the television watching the six
o'clock news. The main story is a man threatening to jump off the
Clifton Suspension Bridge on to the busy road below. Posh turns to Becks and
says: David, I bet you £ 5,000 that he jumps!" to which Beckham replies
£5,000?
Done! I bet that he doesn't" So they shake hands on the bet and
continue watching. Sure enough, the Man jumps and hits the road below with a
loud thud. Beckham takes £5,000 out of his back pocket and hands it to
Posh.
But she refuses."I can't take your money, David," she says. The truth
is, I was cheating I saw the five o'clock news, so I knew he was going
to jump." No, babes, fair's fair" says David. "That money is yours fair
and square I was cheating just as you were. I saw the five o'clock
news, too. I just didn't think he would do it again."
> >> ************************************************** *
The Real Madrid players are in the dressing room on Saturday, just
before the game, when Zidane walks in. Boss," he says, "there's a problem.
I'm not playing unless I get cortisone injection." Hey," says Becks."If
he's having a new car, so am I."
> >> ************************************************** *
David Beckham goes shopping, and sees something interesting in
the kitchen department of a large department store. "What's that?" he
asks. A Thermos flask," replies the assistant. What does it do?" asks
Becks. The assistant tells him it keeps hot things hot and cold things
cold. Really impressed, Beckham buys one and takes it along to his next
training session. Here, boys, look at this," Beckham says proudly.
"It's a Thermos flask." The lads are impressed. "What does it do?" they
ask. It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold, "says David. And what
have you got in it?" ask the lads. Two cups of coffee and a Choc ice,"
replies David.
> >> ************************************************** *****
Posh takes her car into a garage to have some dents removed. The
mechanic knowing she isn't the brightest Spice Girl in the world, decides to
play a joke on her. You don't need me to take those dents out," he
says. "Just blow up the exhaust pipe and the metal will pop back into
place". So she takes the car home and tries it. David spots her from the
house and shouts "You silly cow! You have to wind the windows up first!"
> >> ************************************************** **
David Beckham is celebrating:"57 days, 57 days!" he shouts happily.
Posh asks him why he is celebrating. He answers: Well, I've done this
jigsaw in only 57 days."
Is that good?" asks Posh."You bet," says David."It says 3 to 5 years
on the box."
> >> ************************************************** ***
David Beckham had a near-death experience the other day when he went
riding. Everything was going fine until the horse started bucking up
and down out of control. He tried with all his might to hang on but it
was no good. With his foot caught in the stirrup, he fell head-first to
the ground.His head continued to bump on the ground as the horse
refused to stop or even slow down. Fortunately, however, there was a happy
ending. Just as he was giving up hope and losing consciousness, the
Woolworth's' manager came along and unpluggedit.
> >> ************************************************** ****
Victoria Beckham and her driver were cruising along a country road one
evening when a cow ran in front of the car. The driver tried to avoid
it but couldn't - the cow was killed. Posh told her driver to go up to
the farmhouse and explain to the
owners what happened. About an hour later, the driver staggered back to
the car with his clothes in disarray.He was holding a bottle of wine in
one hand, a cigar
in the other and smiling happily. What happened?" asked Posh. Well,"
the driver replied, "the farmer gave me the wine, his wife gave me the
cigar, and their beautiful daughter made mad passionate love to me". My
God, what did you tell them?" asked Posh. The driver replied: "I'm
Victoria Beckham's driver, and I just killed
the cow."
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