Craig W
Member
Registered: 31st Oct 00
User status: Offline
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Ive had a particularly bad day today, so when my mate asked me if i wanted to go out i thought f*ck it, why not.
Went to my local for a couple and one of my best mates ex's was in there (SetH, remember that bird i MMS'd you with the MAHOOSIVE tits? Her). She's been on my case for a few weeks, coming to the club i work at, asking me to take her home etc. Anyway tonight she was asking if we could have just a one night stand etc, and if she could sleep round mine for the night. Even though i was tempted, she's my best mates ex and i didn't wanna skank my mate who invited me out so i blew her out. She's filthy as f*ck though, proper slutty. She done my best mate up the arse with her dildo PMSL. She likes to dress up in kinky gear too.
So on we went to the club (Oceana, MK). Im standing at the bar waiting to be served and all of a sudden some bird grabs my bollocks, i look around and its a barmaid from the club i work the door of - absolute filth, blonde, slim, lovely little arse (she's showed me pics) and tonight she shaved her gash in the shower (she showed me pics of this also) but it was quite off putting when she told me she'd been in the toilet for the last 30 mins with the sh*ts PMSL. I lost my semi at this point. Crackhead.
I'd had a few drinks so was jigging away by the dance floor when i noticed a group of chavs eyeballing me, i ignored them for a while as i'd had a bad day as it was but even when i went to the bar they followed me and continued to eyeball me. After getting a good look at them i recognised a couple of them from a previous incident and it all fell into place (i dunno if some of you remember but white a while ago i posted on here that i was banned from Pizza Hut because some ignorant c*nt dropped his pizza down my back and didn't even say sorry so i gave him a few digs/slaps over his noggin with my pizza spatular - this was him) Now im quite a big guy and even though their was 7-8 of these degenerates i gave them a little test. I went to the toilet. Now if someone follows you to the toilet theiy're asking for a slap. Sorry but im not having someone eyeball me when ive got my cock in my hand. Anyway i goto the toilet and 2 of them follow me, i whip the old man out and start urinating, the 2 chavs stand either side of me and are far too close to me. Its a mans rule that you should always give a bit of spraying distance, you don't just invade my urinating space. So... i pissed on them. First i turned to the right and pissed on his leg, then i turned to the left and pissed all over his feet. One of them run out to get his mates and the other came at me. Mistake. I grabbed him by the neck and rammed his head down the toilet and began flushing the loo. By this time someone must have alerted the doormen and out of respect for them i left the club with no resistance. I'd had my fun. I met my mate outside and finished the night off with 2 x fillet burgers (no mayo, just lettuce) and 6 chicken strips.
Goodnight, and god bless.
[Edited on 06-09-2005 by Ian]
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John
Member
Registered: 30th Jun 03
User status: Offline
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lmao 
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Cybermonkey
Member
Registered: 22nd Sep 02
Location: Sydney, Australia
User status: Offline
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LMFAO, thats a killer story. i started with a hard-on, then not so much when she had the shits, then adrenalin as you talked about the chavs and bogwash. noice 
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Craig W
Member
Registered: 31st Oct 00
User status: Offline
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I said goodnight 
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Sam
Moderator
Premium Member
Registered: 24th Dec 99
Location: West Midlands
User status: Offline
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FPMSL! 
You are one quality bloke Craig!
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Andrew
Member
Registered: 5th May 04
Location: Skoda Octavia Estate, Ford Puma
User status: Offline
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Top bloke I feel your and SetH are the pervs of CS mind.
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MikeD
Member
Registered: 18th Aug 02
Location: Whittlesey, Cambridgeshire
User status: Offline
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Another quality story from Craig W
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willay
Moderator
Organiser: South East, National Events
Premium Member
Registered: 10th Nov 02
Location: Roydon, Essex
User status: Offline
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!
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Siberia
Member
Registered: 9th Oct 03
Location: Leprechaun Land Drives : Zafira GSI
User status: Offline
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how funny would that have been to watch
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Corsa E-Tec
Member
Registered: 4th Feb 04
Location: Stevenage Drives: Leon Cupra
User status: Offline
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sunnyb
Member
Registered: 21st Oct 03
Location: Kent, near Bluewater
User status: Offline
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LMAO at pissing up his leg!!! if i saw that i dont think i would be able to stop laughin! and also, what 'normal' bird tells you they've been on the loo for half hour?!?! its a good job she did b'cos it sounded like you was in! actually shes a normal girl (warning you thats she's been on the shitter for half hour)
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GREG 1
Member
Registered: 28th Jul 00
Location: Essex
User status: Offline
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LMFAO Craig !
Your such a Ledgend, love reading your story's
Next time get the pics off her phone and MMS them to me 
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Pablo
Member
Registered: 3rd Feb 03
Location: Milton Keynes
User status: Offline
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ROFLMAO I got ur txt mate but was a bit late !!
The bird with the big tits I get that MMS as well?
[Edited on 06-09-2005 by Pablo]
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Greg W
Member
Registered: 6th Oct 04
Location: Wigan, Lancashire
User status: Offline
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Quality
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luisa
Member
Registered: 11th Feb 05
Location: Bedfordshire
User status: Offline
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pmsl sounds like you had a good nite
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richard_syko
Banned
Registered: 17th Dec 03
Location: Newport, Wales
User status: Offline
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Bet they smelt nice this morining
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3CorsaMeal
Member
Registered: 11th Apr 02
User status: Offline
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quality
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Charlene
Member
Registered: 29th Sep 04
Location: Darlington
User status: Offline
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Sounds like you had a good night, would of been funny to watch
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Tom
Member
Registered: 3rd Apr 02
Location: Wirral, Merseyside
User status: Offline
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PMSL @ pissing on his leg
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dave17
Member
Registered: 3rd Sep 02
Location: Greater London
User status: Offline
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love it 
shouda got her to bluetooth the pics tho 
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Craig W
Member
Registered: 31st Oct 00
User status: Offline
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quote:
Originally posted by Pablo
ROFLMAO I got ur txt mate but was a bit late !!
The bird with the big tits I get that MMS as well?
[Edited on 06-09-2005 by Pablo]
Nah this is a different bird, when i see you next i'll bluetooth you the pic _ they're f*cking massive. That bird i MMS'd you had rather large ones but they kinda outlined the rules of gravity.
I txt you?
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Matt H
Member
Registered: 11th Sep 01
Location: South Yorkshire
User status: Offline
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PMSL
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Doug
Member
Registered: 8th Oct 03
User status: Offline
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LMAO Nice one!
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mav
Member
Registered: 19th Jun 01
Location: Scotland
User status: Offline
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quality
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Pablo
Member
Registered: 3rd Feb 03
Location: Milton Keynes
User status: Offline
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quote:
Originally posted by Craig W
quote:
Originally posted by Pablo
ROFLMAO I got ur txt mate but was a bit late !!
The bird with the big tits I get that MMS as well?
[Edited on 06-09-2005 by Pablo]
Nah this is a different bird, when i see you next i'll bluetooth you the pic _ they're f*cking massive. That bird i MMS'd you had rather large ones but they kinda outlined the rules of gravity.
I txt you?
Yeah twice
"Fcukin MK chavs, I pissed on them"
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