Cybermonkey
Member
Registered: 22nd Sep 02
Location: Sydney, Australia
User status: Offline
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After getting all of The Pope's luggage loaded into the limo, (and he doesn't travel light), the driver notices that the Pope is still standing on the curb. "Excuse me, Your Holiness," says the driver, "Would you please take your seat so we can leave?" "Well, to tell you the truth," says the Pope, "they never let me drive at the Vatican, and I'd really like to drive today." "I'm sorry but I cannot let you do that. I'd lose my job! And what if something should happen?" protests the driver, wishing he'd never gone to work that morning. "There might be something extra in it for you," says the Pope. Reluctantly, the driver gets in the back as the Pope climbs in behind the wheel. The driver quickly regrets his decision when, after exiting the airport, the Pontiff floors it, accelerating the limo to 105 mph. "Please slow down, Your Holiness!!!" pleads the worried driver, but the Pope keeps the pedal to the metal
The Pope pulls over and rolls down the window as the cop approaches, but the cop takes one look at him, goes back to his motorcycle, and gets on the radio. "I need to talk to the Chief," he says to the dispatcher. The Chief gets on the radio and the cop tells him that he's stopped a limo going a hundred and five. "So bust him," says the Chief.
"I don't think we want to do that, he's really important," said the cop. The Chief exclaimed," All the more reason!" "No, I mean really important," said the cop.
The Chief then asked, "Who ya got there, the Mayor?"
Cop: "Bigger."
Chief: "Governor?"
Cop: "Bigger."
"Well," said the Chief, "Who is it?"
Cop: "I think it's God!"
Chief: "What makes you think it's God?"
Cop: "He's got the F*****g Pope as a chauffeur!!"
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Edd
Member
Registered: 8th Nov 04
Location: Glasgow
User status: Offline
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Cybermonkey
Member
Registered: 22nd Sep 02
Location: Sydney, Australia
User status: Offline
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http://www.nobodyhere.com/toren.hier
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Cybermonkey
Member
Registered: 22nd Sep 02
Location: Sydney, Australia
User status: Offline
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The Talking Clock
While proudly showing off his new apartment to friends late one
night,
the drunk led the way to his bedroom where there was a big brass
gong.
"What's that big brass gong for?" one of the guests asked. "Why,
that's
the talking clock" the man replied.
"How does it work?" "Watch", the man said, giving it an
ear-shattering
pound with a hammer.
Suddenly, someone on the other side of the wall screamed, "For
f**k
sake, you w***er, it's 2am in the f**king morning!!"
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Edd
Member
Registered: 8th Nov 04
Location: Glasgow
User status: Offline
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Cybermonkey
Member
Registered: 22nd Sep 02
Location: Sydney, Australia
User status: Offline
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Jim And Mary were both patients in a mental hospital.
One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool,
Mary
suddenly jumped into the deep end. She sunk to the bottom and
stayed there.
Jim promptly jumped in to save her, He swam to the bottom and
pulled Mary
out. When the medical director became aware of Jim's heroic act
he
immediately ordered him to be discharged from the hospital, as
he now
considered him to be mentally stable.
When he went to tell Jim the news, he said:" Jim I have good
news and bad
news. The good news is you're being discharged , because since
you were able
to jump in and save the life of another patient, I think you've
regained
your senses. The bad news is, Mary, the patient you saved, hung
herself with
her bathrobe belt in the bathroom. I am sorry, but she's dead."
Jim replied:"She's not dead, I just put her there to dry."
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Edd
Member
Registered: 8th Nov 04
Location: Glasgow
User status: Offline
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old .........................
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