CCA
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Registered: 6th Dec 04
Location: Somewhere Drives: Not a bloody Vauxhall!
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Ive been asked to post this for Adam as CS is blocked at his work at the moment
The people of East London have been successful in their bid to host the 2012 Olympics. However, there has been a request that some of the events and traditions are modified in order to give the locals a greater chance of winning medals.
Proposals have been put forward concerning rule changes in the following events:
1. The 100-metre sprint
Athletes must complete the course in Barking High street with a video recorder under one arm and a microwave under the other. After 20 meters a Police Dog will be released in each lane.
2. Fencing
The protective mesh face will be removed and replaced with a black ski mask according to local custom. Athletes will then be asked to dispose of a selection of antiques, electrical goods, watches, mountain bikes and car radios in the shortest possible time.
3. Boxing
This event will be restricted to husband and wife teams and the finals will be held in the community centre on Saturday night. The husband must down at least 12 pints in the Engineer Arms before encountering his wife, where she will announce one of the following:
(a) There's fark all for your tea.
(b) The telly's been repossessed.
(c) Our Tracey's up the stick.
(d) I'm up the stick.
(e) The woman up the road is up the stick and she says it's yours.
4. Triple Jump
This will revert to its old name of Hop, Skip and Jump and will be sponsored by H.M. Prison Service. Medals will be awarded to competitors who find the most ingenious way of jumping bail.
5. Tug of War
Chains will be fixed to one of the cash point machines at the B.P. fuel station in Lower Dagenham and the winning team will be the ones who can haul it out the quickest.
6. Equestrian Event
Horses, ponies, donkeys and assorted nags can be collected from the fields behind Upton Park and medals will be awarded for tethering them in the most unusual places.
7. Shot Putt
House bricks will be thrown from various distances at suitable plate glass windows, especially the chemists, the newsagents or at any vehicles in the hospital car park.
8. Walking
Athletes must be accompanied by a Pit Bull Terrier, Doberman, German shepherd or Whippet. Ferrets and pushchairs do not count.
9. Cycling
The Committee are unanimous in their ruling that tandems are for poufs, but most cycles will accommodate two as long as they have stunt pegs, no brakes or lights and are ridden on public footpaths. They must be mountain bikes and they must have spent at least a week in the River Thames.
General Comments
The use of drugs will be closely monitored. A spokesperson said that drugs would be available only from the local Community Centre. Asked about urine samples, the spokesperson said that no one takes the piss out of the local lads and offered to take the researcher outside.
The Olympic Flame will also be different. The lighting ceremony will go ahead in the time-honoured tradition of torching a Ford Escort XR3i.
The Committee is confident that sufficient funds can be found to stage such a major international event and looks forward to the true spirit of the Games flourishing in this little part of London. They urge the I.O.C. to consider this application in the light of that tried and tested local saying:
It's not the taking part that counts; IT'S THE TAKING APART!!
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willay
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Organiser: South East, National Events
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Registered: 10th Nov 02
Location: Roydon, Essex
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essay
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TNM
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Registered: 5th Apr 04
Location: Nottingham Drives: VW Tiguan
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its it quite funny.
CCA youd get it 
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Rus
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Registered: 24th Jan 05
Location: SE London, Kent
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i read some of it.....wasn't impressed
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CCA
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Registered: 6th Dec 04
Location: Somewhere Drives: Not a bloody Vauxhall!
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I havent read it, is there a summary timmy
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