Mark Petty
Member
Registered: 26th Jul 01
Location: Bournemouth Drives: Suzuki gsf600
User status: Offline
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I had this emailed to me  Worth the long read:
This is a copy of a real cyber sex logfile that went bad. It痴 pretty funny to read. I felt bad for Sweetheart she seemed ready to go.
Wellhung: Hello, Sweetheart. What do you look like?
Sweetheart: I am wearing a red silk blouse, a miniskirt and high heels. I work out every day, I知 toned and perfect. My measurements are 36-24-36. What do you look like?
Wellhung: I知 63 and about 250 pounds. I wear glasses and I have on a pair of blue sweat pants I just bought from Walmart. I知 also wearing a t-shirt with a few spots of barbecue sauce on it from dinner...it smells funny.
Sweetheart: I want you. Would you like to screw me?
Wellhung: OK.
Sweetheart: Were in my bedroom. Theres soft music playing on the stereo and candles on my dresser and night table. I知 looking up into your eyes, smiling.
My hand works its way down to your crotch and begins to fondle your huge, swelling bulge.
Wellhung: I知 gulping, I知 beginning to sweat.
Sweetheart: I知 pulling up your shirt and kissing your chest.
Wellhung: Now I知 unbuttoning your blouse. My hands are trembling.
Sweetheart: I知 moaning softly.
Wellhung: I知 taking hold of your blouse and sliding it off slowly.
Sweetheart: I知 throwing my head back in pleasure. The cool silk slides off my warm skin. I知 rubbing your bulge faster, pulling and rubbing.
Wellhung: My hand suddenly jerks spastically and accidentally rips a hole in your blouse. I知 sorry.
Sweetheart: Thats OK, it wasn't really too expensive.
Wellhung: Ill pay for it.
Sweetheart: Don't worry about it. I知 wearing a lacy black bra. My soft breasts are rising and falling, as I breath harder and harder.
Wellhung: I知 fumbling with the clasp on your bra. I think its stuck. Do you have any scissors?
Sweetheart: I take your hand and kiss it softly. I知 reaching back undoing the clasp. The bra slides off my body. The air caresses my breasts. My nipples are erect for you.
Wellhung: How did you do that? I知 picking up the bra and inspecting the clasp.
Sweetheart: I知 arching my back. Oh baby. I just want to feel your tongue all over me.
Wellhung: I知 dropping the bra. Now I知 licking your, you know, breasts. Theyre neat!
Sweetheart: I知 running my fingers through your hair.
Now I知 nibbling your ear.
Wellhung: I suddenly sneeze. Your breasts are covered with spit and phlegm.
Sweetheart: What?
Wellhung: I知 so sorry. Really.
Sweetheart: I知 wiping your phlegm off my breasts with the remains of my blouse.
Wellhung: I知 taking the sopping wet blouse from you.
I drop it with a plop.
Sweetheart: OK. I知 pulling your sweat pants down and rubbing your hard tool.
Wellhung: I知 screaming like a woman. Your hands are cold! Yeeee!
Sweetheart: I知 pulling up my miniskirt. Take off my panties.
Wellhung: I知 pulling off your panties. My tongue is going all over, in and out nibbling on you...umm...
wait a minute.
Sweetheart: Whats the matter?
Wellhung: I've got a pubic hair caught in my throat.
I知 choking.
Sweetheart: Are you OK?
Wellhung: I知 having a coughing fit. I知 turning all red.
Sweetheart: Can I help?
Wellhung: I知 running to the kitchen, choking wildly.
I知 fumbling through the cabinets, looking for a cup.
Where do you keep your cups?
Sweetheart: In the cabinet to the right of the sink.
Wellhung: I知 drinking a cup of water. There, thats better.
Sweetheart: Come back to me, lover.
Wellhung: I知 washing the cup now.
Sweetheart: I知 on the bed arching for you.
Wellhung: I知 drying the cup. Now I知 putting it back in the cabinet. And now I知 walking back to the bedroom. Wait, its dark, I知 lost. Wheres the bedroom?
Sweetheart: Last door on the left at the end of the hall.
Wellhung: I found it.
Sweetheart: I知 tuggin off your pants. I知 moaning. I want you so badly.
Wellhung: Me too.
Sweetheart: Your pants are off. I kiss you passionately -- our naked bodies pressing against each other.
Wellhung: Your face is pushing my glasses into my face. It hurts.
Sweetheart: Why don't you take off your glasses?
Wellhung: OK, but I cant see very well without them. I place my glasses on the night table.
Sweetheart: I知 bending over the bed. Give it to me, baby!
Wellhung: I have to pee. I知 fumbling my way blindly across the room and toward the bathroom.
Sweetheart: Hurry back, lover.
Wellhung: I find the bathroom and its dark. I知 feeling around for the toilet. I lift the lid.
Sweetheart: I知 waiting eagerly for your return.
Wellhung: I知 done going. I知 feeling around for the flush handle, but I cant find it. Uh-oh!
Sweetheart: Whats the matter now?
Wellhung: I've realized that I've peed into your laundry hamper. Sorry again. I知 walking back to the bedroom now, blindly feeling my way.
Sweetheart: Mmm, yes. Come on.
Wellhung: OK, now I知 going to put my...you know...thing...in your...you know...womans thing.
Sweetheart: Yes! Do it, baby! Do it!
Wellhung: I知 touching your smooth butt. It feels so nice. I kiss your neck. Umm, I知 having a little trouble here.
Sweetheart: I知 moving my ass back and forth, moaning.
I cant stand it another second! Slide in! Screw me now!
Wellhung: I知 flaccid.
Sweetheart: What?
Wellhung: I知 limp. I cant sustain an erection.
Sweetheart: I知 standing up and turning around; an incredulous look on my face.
Wellhung: I知 shrugging with a sad look on my face, my weiner all floppy. I知 going to get my glasses and see whats wrong.
Sweetheart: No, never mind. I知 getting dressed. I知 putting on my underwear. Now I知 putting on my wet nasty blouse.
Wellhung: No, wait! Now I知 squinting, trying to find the night table. I知 feeling along the dresser, knocking over cans of hair spray, picture frames and your candles.
Sweetheart: I知 buttoning my blouse. Now I知 putting on my shoes.
Wellhung: Ive found my glasses. I知 putting them on.
My God! One of your candles fell on the curtain. The curtain is on fire! I知 pointing at it, a shocked look on my face.
Sweetheart: Go to hell. I知 logging off, you loser!
Wellhung: Now the carpet is on fire! Oh noooo!
Sweetheart: Logged off...
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--Dave--
Banned
Registered: 17th Feb 04
Location: Essssseeeeex Drives: Black Supra TT
User status: Offline
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PMSL
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CCA
Member
Registered: 6th Dec 04
Location: Somewhere Drives: Not a bloody Vauxhall!
User status: Offline
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seen before but still bloody funny
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dave17
Member
Registered: 3rd Sep 02
Location: Greater London
User status: Offline
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PMSL thats some funny shit
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TNM
Member
Registered: 5th Apr 04
Location: Nottingham Drives: VW Tiguan
User status: Offline
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its old but still funny
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Charlene
Member
Registered: 29th Sep 04
Location: Darlington
User status: Offline
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Rus
Member
Registered: 24th Jan 05
Location: SE London, Kent
User status: Offline
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hahahahaha. when he chokes is the best bit
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M333KS D
Member
Registered: 15th Mar 04
User status: Offline
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"Wellhung: I've got a pubic hair caught in my throat.
I知 choking. "
This made me laugh quite a lot
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Carr
Member
Registered: 1st Oct 04
Location: Leicestershire (Home) Ambleside, Lakes (Uni)
User status: Offline
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John
Member
Registered: 30th Jun 03
User status: Offline
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VictimX_27: HEY!
cheesedog: Hello there
VictimX_27: I'm back
cheesedog: Have fun at the mall?
VictimX_27: Yeah. I got some new shoes
cheesedog: Interesting
VictimX_27: Not really. Just shoes
cheesedog: You ready to be sexed up now?
VictimX_27: LOL
cheesedog: Is that a yes?
VictimX_27: Could be
VictimX_27:
cheesedog: HOT DAMN!
cheesedog: I gently suck your nipples
cheesedog: I feel them get hard then I jam my hand down your..
VictimX_27: WOAH! Slow down cowboy
cheesedog: Why?
VictimX_27: I'm not just gonna cyber with you if thats all you want
cheesedog: What do you mean?
VictimX_27: You're not going to ignore me later are you?
cheesedog: Of course not.
cheesedog: I like you.
VictimX_27: I don't even know how old you are.
cheesedog: I'm 27. Now....
cheesedog: I gently massage your breasts with my rough hands
cheesedog: I roll your nipples between my fingers
VictimX_27: WAIT!
cheesedog: They get hard again... what?
VictimX_27: Don't you wanna know anything about me first?
VictimX_27: Like what I like?
cheesedog: Oh yeah. Sure. Hurry up.
VictimX_27: That didn't sound convincing.
cheesedog: YES I WANNA KNOW WHAT YOU LIKE RIGHT NOW!!!
VictimX_27: Now u r being a smartass
VictimX_27: Just give me a minute
cheesedog: ok
VictimX_27: I'm back
cheesedog: np
VictimX_27: thank you
cheesedog: So what do you like?
VictimX_27: Ummmm being licked
cheesedog: Where?
VictimX_27: Everywhere
cheesedog: Any place in particular?
VictimX_27: uhhh yeah
cheesedog: tell me
VictimX_27: on my clit
cheesedog: OK!
cheesedog: NOW YOU'RE TALKIN!
VictimX_27: I also like being done from behind
cheesedog: Ooooooohhhh.
cheesedog: Ok. Check this out.
cheesedog: We're in an abandoned building.
cheesedog: No is around. Its all quiet.
VictimX_27: Uh huh
cheesedog: I gently unbutton your pants and slide my hand across your clit
cheesedog: You get all warm and juicy.
cheesedog: I slip your panties down and continue to massage your pussy
VictimX_27: oooohh mmmm
cheesedog: I place my mouth on your pussy as I eat you from behind
cheesedog: I wiggle my tounge around across your moist hole
VictimX_27: yessss
cheesedog: I cover your ears with my hands as I eat you.
cheesedog: Egon and Ray sneak in from the back.
cheesedog: *Powering up Proton packs*
VictimX_27: ???
cheesedog: Then... Egon BLASTS your pasty white ass!!
cheesedog: POW!! BZZZZZTTTTTPHTTTTTT!!!
cheesedog: Winston and Peter set up the containment trap....
VictimX_27: WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS SHIT!!!
cheesedog: You wiggle around in the proton streams buck naked
cheesedog: The streams almost cross! Look out!!
cheesedog: Peter smacks you across the chin with his gun
cheesedog: They open the trap and it sucks your pale ass in!
VictimX_27: This isn't funny johnny!
cheesedog: SHUT UP! YOUR CAUGHT!
cheesedog: **puts you in the containment area**
cheesedog: Slimer is in there too..
VictimX_27: YOU ARE A FUCKING ASSHOLE!
cheesedog: I SAID SHUT THE FUCK UP!
cheesedog: Now...Slimer sticks his green, slimey cock in your pigmentless ass.
cheesedog: **HE SLIMES YOU!**
VictimX_27: Never talk to me again!
cheesedog: He cums all over your hair... but no one notices cause its the same color
VictimX_27: FUCK YOUUUU
cheesedog: He eats a powdered donut!
VictimX_27: SHUT UP AND FUCK YOUUUU!!!!!
cheesedog: o wait! It was your hand, you scary, white whore!
VictimX_27: LEAVE ME ALONE!!!
cheesedog: Chill out, Casper. You're trapped, I said.
cheesedog: Slimer goes to lick your clit.
cheesedog: But there is already slime on your it!!
cheesedog: Slimer thinks you are a cheater and gets jealous!!
cheesedog: HE RIPS YOUR WHITE TITS OFF!
VictimX_27: FUCK YOU!!!!!!!!
cheesedog: **Plays volleyball with them**
VictimX_27: <USER HAS LOGGED OUT>
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chris_uk
Premium Member
Registered: 8th Jul 03
User status: Offline
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Jamescorsa97
Member
Registered: 19th Aug 04
Location: Middlesbrough Drives: Cliosport 182
User status: Offline
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lmfao that is sooooo funy
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TNM
Member
Registered: 5th Apr 04
Location: Nottingham Drives: VW Tiguan
User status: Offline
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lol the second one is funny.
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Ben
Banned
Registered: 12th Jan 03
Location: West Yorkshire
User status: Offline
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2nd one is the best
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John
Member
Registered: 30th Jun 03
User status: Offline
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There is a convo before the one i posted saying she is an albino but i didn't think anyone would bother reading that much.
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Carr
Member
Registered: 1st Oct 04
Location: Leicestershire (Home) Ambleside, Lakes (Uni)
User status: Offline
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"Don't cross the streams" I love Ghostbusters
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the_legend_of_yrag
Member
Registered: 7th Jul 03
Location: Cambridgeshire
User status: Offline
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pmsl
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dannycorsa c
Member
Registered: 8th Mar 03
Location: manchester (astley/tyldesley)
User status: Offline
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there both funny as fuk!
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dave17
Member
Registered: 3rd Sep 02
Location: Greater London
User status: Offline
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Cyber Sex Dave17 style:
HERE
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Patrick
Member
Registered: 25th Apr 02
Location: SE London
User status: Offline
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I can't believe I just read this. Have got a room full of colleagues and seriously laughed out loud.
They think I'm weird now. 
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--Dave--
Banned
Registered: 17th Feb 04
Location: Essssseeeeex Drives: Black Supra TT
User status: Offline
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FPMSL
cheesedog: HE RIPS YOUR WHITE TITS OFF!
VictimX_27: fcuk YOU!!!!!!!!
cheesedog: **Plays volleyball with them**
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Siberia
Member
Registered: 9th Oct 03
Location: Leprechaun Land Drives : Zafira GSI
User status: Offline
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gsi-gaz
Member
Registered: 23rd Mar 03
Location: st helens
User status: Offline
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PMSL
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Siberia
Member
Registered: 9th Oct 03
Location: Leprechaun Land Drives : Zafira GSI
User status: Offline
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OMFG i only just noticed there was a second one half way down
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1600power
Member
Registered: 22nd Apr 04
Location: Shropshire Drives: 1.6 16v Sport
User status: Offline
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PMSL at the pair of those im in tears!!!!
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