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Author Gaslge Burd (Joke)
Jamie
Member

Registered: 1st Apr 02
Location: Aberdeen
User status: Offline
2nd Jun 04 at 00:42   View User's Profile U2U Member Reply With Quote

> A Glesga Burd goes tae the social tae register fur child benefit.

>

> "How many children?" asks the civil servant "10" replies the girl.

>

> "10???" says the civil servant.. "What are their names?"

>

>"Alec, Alec, Alec, Alec, Alec, Alec, Alec, Alec, Alec and.....eh...Alec


>

> "Doesn't that get confusing?"

>

> "Naw..." says the girl "its great because if thur oot playin in the

>street,

>ah jist huv tae shout ALEC, YER DINNER'S READY or ALEC, GO TO BED NOW

>'n'

>they aw dae it..."

>

> "What if you want to speak to one individually?" says the perturbed

>civil

>servant.

>

> "'at's easy," says the girl... "Ah just use thur surnames"

>

>

>####################################################################

>

>

> A Glesga burd walks into the local dry cleaners. She places a garment


>on

>the counter. "Ah'll be back ra morra efternin tae pick up ma dress."
she

>says.

>

>"Come again?" says the clerk, cupping his ear.

>

> "Naw" she replies. "This time it's mayonnaise."

>

>

>####################################################################

>

>

>Glesga burd enters a s?x shop & asks for a vibrator. The man says

>"Choose

>from our range on the wall."

>

>She says "Gies that rid yin"

>

> The man replies "That's a fire extinguisher."

>

>

>####################################################################

>

>

>A Glesga burd is involved in a nasty car crash and is trapped and

>bleeding.

>The paramedics soon arrive on site.

>

> Medic: "It's OK I'm a paramedic and I'm going to ask you some

>questions?"

>

> Girl: "Awright"

>

> Medic: "What's your name?"

>

> Girl: "Senga."

>

>Medic: "OK Senga, is this your car?"

>

> Morag: "Aye."

>

> Medic: "Where are you bleeding from?"

>

> Morag: "Fu***n' Springburn."

>

>

>####################################################################

>

>

>A Glesga burd was driving down the M8 when her car phone rang. It was

>her

>boyfriend, urgently warning her, "Listen Doll, I just heard on the news


>that

>thur's a motor gawn the wrang wie oan the M8. Better watch yersel'!"

>

>"It's no' jist wan motor!" said the girl, "There's fu***n' hunners
argh!

>thump!"

>

>

>####################################################################

>

>

>Another Gelsga burd was involved in a serious crash; there's blood

>everywhere. The paramedics arrive and drag the girl out of the car till


>she's lying flat out on the floor.

>

> Medic: "OK, I'm going to check if you're concussed."

>

>

>Danielle: "Ok."

>

>Medic: "Ok the how many fingers am I putting up?"

>

>Danielle: "Oh my god I'm paralysed fae' the waist down!"

>

>

>####################################################################

>

>

>A Glesga burd and a Weegie guy are in a bar when the girl notices

>something

>strange about the Nikes the guy is wearing. She says, "Here mate, ah

>no'

>tryin tae take the p!ss ur any'hin lik' that, but how come you've goat

>an L

>oan wan ae yur gutties 'n' an R oan the other wan?"

>

>So the guy smiles, puts down his bottle of cider and replies, "Coz I'm
a

>bit

>thick so Ah huv tae huv an L oan ma left fit 'n' an R oan ma ma right

>wan."

>

> "F*** sake" exclaims the girl "So thats how ma thongs've goat C&A oan


>thum!"


SilverCorsaSXI
Member

Registered: 1st Dec 02
Location: Near Stirling, Scotland
User status: Offline
2nd Jun 04 at 06:50   View User's Profile U2U Member Reply With Quote

1 and 5 are class

 
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