BigSte
Member
Registered: 27th Aug 02
Location: Sheffield
User status: Offline
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An Australian, an Irishman and a Scouser are in a bar.
They're staring at another man sitting on his own at a table in the corner. He's so familiar, and not recognising him is driving them mad. They stare and stare, until suddenly the Irishman twigs: 'My God, it's Jesus!'
Sure enough, it is Jesus, nursing a pint. Thrilled, they send him over a
Pint of Guinness, a pint of Fosters and a pint of bitter.
Jesus accepts the drinks, smiles over at the three men, and drinks the pints slowly, one after another.
After he's finished the drinks, Jesus approaches the trio.
He reaches for the hand of the Irishman and shakes it, thanking
him for the Guinness. When he lets go, the Irishman gives a cry of
amazement:
'My God! The arthritis I've had for 30 years is gone. It's a miracle!'
Jesus then shakes the Aussie's hand, thanking him for the lager.
As he lets go, the man's eyes widen in shock. 'Strewth mate, the bad
back I've had all my life is completely gone! It's a miracle.'
Jesus then approaches the Scouser who says, 'Back off, mate, I'm on disability benefit“.
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A scouser walked into the local job centre, marched straight up to the counter and said 'Hi, I'm looking for a job'.
The man behind the counter replied 'Your timing is amazing.
We've just got one in from a very wealthy man who wants a chauffeur/bodyguard for his
Nymphomaniac twin daughters. You'll have to drive around a big black Mercedes and wear the uniform provided. The hours are a bit long
but the meals are provided. You also have to escort the young ladies on their overseas holidays. The Salary package is £200,000 a year'.
The Scouser said 'You're bullsh*tting me!'
The man behind the counter said 'Well you started it!'
```````````````
Police cordoned off Liverpool City Centre this morning when a suspicious
object was discovered in a car. It later turned out to be a tax disc.
`````````````````
A Scouser walks into a bar in Manchester dressed up in his new Liverpool shirt and orders a drink before noticing a picture of Sir Matt Busby on the wall.He was just about to leave when the barman says:
'Where do you think you're going?'
The Scouser replies: 'I'm sorry, I just noticed Matt Busby there and I think I'd better leave,'
The barman says: 'No no no. It's too late for that. You've got to roll the dice Pal,' The Scouser looks puzzled and says: 'Roll the dice?'
The Barman replies: 'Yeh. If you roll between 1 and 5 we kick the crap out of you,'
The Scouser says: 'What if I roll a 6?'
The barman replies: 'You get another go..'
`````````````````
A primary teacher explains to her class that she is a Liverpool fan. She asks her students to raise their hands if they, too, are Liverpool fans.
Everyone in the class raises their hand except one little girl. The teacher looks at the girl with surprise and says, 'Mary, why didn't you raise your hand?'
'Because I'm not a Liverpool fan,' she replied.
The teacher, still shocked, asked, 'Well, if you are not an Liverpool fan, then who are you a fan of?'
'I am a Man Utd fan, and proud of it,' Mary replied.
The teacher could not believe her ears. 'Mary, why, pray tell, are you a Man Utd fan?'
'Because my mum is a Man Utd fan, and my dad is a Man Utd fan, so I'm a Man Utd fan too!'
'Well,' said the teacher in an obviously annoyed tone, 'that is no reason for you to be a Man Utd fan. You don't have to be just like your parents all of the time. What if your mum was a prostitute and your dad was a drug addict, what would you be then?'
Then,' Mary smiled, 'I'd be a Liverpool fan
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Mather.16v
Member
Registered: 1st Nov 04
Location: Stockport
User status: Offline
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how do you make a scouser run faster?
stick a video recorder under his arm
whats long, scouse and goes round a corner?
dole que
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Cosmo
Member
Registered: 29th Mar 01
Location: Im the real one!
User status: Offline
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How do you get banned from a Corsa forum?
Make jokes about scousers when the site owner is one.
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Aaron
Member
Registered: 9th Aug 04
Location: Cottingham, East Riding
User status: Offline
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"Knock Knock"
"Who's there"
"Ian"
"Ian who?"
"Ian who's going to ban your ass"
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Andy Stocker
Member
Registered: 31st Aug 00
Location: Herts Drives: Porsche 911
User status: Offline
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I do like the teacher one 
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Mather.16v
Member
Registered: 1st Nov 04
Location: Stockport
User status: Offline
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Fro
Member
Registered: 20th Jun 06
Location: Rainham, Essex Drives: A3 2.0TDi Sport
User status: Offline
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quote:
Originally posted by Cosmo
How do you get banned from a Corsa forum?
Make jokes about scousers when the site owner is one.
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Mather.16v
Member
Registered: 1st Nov 04
Location: Stockport
User status: Offline
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quote:
Originally posted by Cosmo
How do you get banned from a Corsa forum?
Make jokes about scousers when the site owner is one.
i'll stick to pirate jokes next time
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DannyB
Premium Member
Registered: 6th Feb 08
User status: Offline
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School boy error.
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MikeD
Member
Registered: 18th Aug 02
Location: Whittlesey, Cambridgeshire
User status: Offline
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but even Ian has a sense of humour - well steve hasnt been banned yet !!!
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deano87
Member
Registered: 21st Oct 06
Location: Bedfordshire Drives: Ford Fiesta
User status: Offline
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Excellent like the Jesus one.
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SVM 286
Member
Registered: 13th Feb 05
Location: pain
User status: Offline
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quote:
Originally posted by Cosmo
How do you get banned from a Corsa forum?
Make jokes about scousers when the site owner is one.
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Tom
Member
Registered: 3rd Apr 02
Location: Wirral, Merseyside
User status: Offline
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Had to be one relating to football violence eh
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Marc
Member
Registered: 11th Aug 02
Location: York
User status: Offline
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Love them
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jacko198
Member
Registered: 1st Mar 07
Location: Buckinghamshire
User status: Offline
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