Jamie
Member
Registered: 1st Apr 02
Location: Aberdeen
User status: Offline
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Mate just emailed this to me
quote:
bloodninja: Ok baby, we got to hurry, I don't know how long I can keep it ready for you.
j_gurli3: thats ok. ok i'm a japanese schoolgirl, what r u.
bloodninja: A Rhinocerus. Well, hung like one, thats for sure.
j_gurli3: haha, ok lets go.
j_gurli3: i put my hand through ur hair, and kiss u on the neck.
bloodninja: I stomp the ground, and snort, to alert you that you are in my breeding territory.
j_gurli3: haha, ok, u know that turns me on.
j_gurli3: i start unbuttoning ur shirt.
bloodninja: Rhinoceruses don't wear shirts.
j_gurli3: No, ur not really a Rhinocerus silly, it's just part of the game.
bloodninja: Rhinoceruses don't play games. They f*cking charge your ass.
j_gurli3: stop, cmon be serious.
bloodninja: It doesn't get any more serious than a Rhinocerus about to charge your ass.
bloodninja: I stomp my feet, the dust stirs around my tough skinned feet.
j_gurli3: thats it.
bloodninja: Nostrils flaring, I lower my head. My horn, like some phallic symbol of my potent virility, is the last thing you see as skulls collide and mine remains the victor. You are now a bloody red ragdoll suspended in the air on my mighty horn.
bloodninja: Goddam am I hard now.
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Neo
Member
Registered: 20th Feb 07
Location: Essex
User status: Offline
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All Torque
Member
Registered: 17th Nov 05
Location: Milton Keynes Drives: Ford Focus TDCi
User status: Offline
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L-O-L!
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Tommy L
Member
Registered: 21st Aug 06
Location: Northampton Drives: Audi wagon
User status: Offline
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FLOL
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Ben G
Member
Registered: 12th Jan 07
Location: Essex
User status: Offline
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someone posted a funyn one of these chats on here a while ago. the bloke was a complete retard
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Jamie
Member
Registered: 1st Apr 02
Location: Aberdeen
User status: Offline
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I searched and found a website full of them
http://www.quq.dk/cybersex.htm
Quality waste of 10 minutes
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Kurt
Member
Registered: 23rd Oct 05
Location: Hi
User status: Offline
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i was about to say this is pretty old 
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stevegreetham
Member
Registered: 30th Oct 03
Location: Grimsby/Sheffield
User status: Offline
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lol, thats funny as
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stevegreetham
Member
Registered: 30th Oct 03
Location: Grimsby/Sheffield
User status: Offline
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bloodninja: Wanna cyber?
Katie_007: Sure, you into vegetables?
bloodninja: What like gardening an shit?
Katie_007: Yeah, something like that.
bloodninja: Nothing turns me on more, check this out:
bloodninja: You bend over to harvest your radishes.
(pause)
Katie_007: is that it?
bloodninja: You water your tomato patch.
bloodninja: Are you ready for my fresh produce?
Katie_007: I was thinking of like, sexual acts INVOLVING vegetables... Can you make it a little more sexy for me?
(pause)
bloodninja: I touch you on your lettuce, you massage my spinach... sexily.
bloodninja: I ride your buttocks like they were amber waves of grains.
Katie_007: Grain doesn't really turn me on... I was thinking more along the lines of carrots and zucchinis.
bloodninja: my zucchinis carresses your carrots.
bloodninja: Damn baby you're right, this shit is HOTT.
Katie_007: ...
bloodninja: My turnips listen for the soft cry of your love. My insides turn to celery as I unleash my warm and sticky cauliflower of love.
Katie_007: What the f*ck is this madlibs? I'm outta here.
bloodninja: Yeah, well I already unleashed my cauliflower, all over your olives, and up in your eyes. Now you can't see. Bitch.
Katie_007: whatever.
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sam-smith
Member
Registered: 8th Jan 07
Location: plymouth, UK
User status: Offline
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HARRRRRR
lol my eyes hurt from reading
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lil_g
Member
Registered: 29th Oct 06
User status: Offline
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Sweetheart: Don't worry about it.I'm wearing a lacy black bra. My soft breasts are rising and falling, as I breath harder and harder.
Wellhung: I'm fumbling with the clasp on your bra.I think it's stuck. Do you have any scissors?
Sweetheart: I take your hand and kiss it softly.I'm reaching back undoing the clasp. The bra slides off my body. The air caresses my breasts. My nipples are erect for you.
Wellhung: How did you do that? I'm picking up the bra and inspecting the clasp.
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Dav
Member
Registered: 23rd Jul 02
Location: Falkirk, Scotland
User status: Offline
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Brilliant!
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Ben G
Member
Registered: 12th Jan 07
Location: Essex
User status: Offline
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bloodninja: Baby, I been havin a tough night so treat me nice aight?
BritneySpears14: Aight.
bloodninja: Slip out of those pants baby, yeah.
BritneySpears14: I slip out of my pants, just for you, bloodninja.
bloodninja: Oh yeah, aight. Aight, I put on my robe and wizard hat.
BritneySpears14: Oh, I like to play dress up.
bloodninja: Me too baby.
BritneySpears14: I kiss you softly on your chest.
bloodninja: I cast Lvl. 3 Eroticism. You turn into a real beautiful woman.
BritneySpears14: Hey...
bloodninja: I meditate to regain my mana, before casting Lvl. 8 Cock of the Infinite.
BritneySpears14: Funny I still don't see it.
bloodninja: I spend my mana reserves to cast Mighty F*ck of the Beyondness.
BritneySpears14: You are the worst cyber partner ever. This is ridiculous.
bloodninja: Don't f*ck with me bitch, I'm the mightiest sorcerer of the lands.
bloodninja: I steal yo soul and cast Lightning Lvl. 1,000,000 Your body explodes into a fine bloody mist, because you are only a Lvl. 2 Druid.
BritneySpears14: Don't ever message me again you piece of shit.
bloodninja: Robots are trying to drill my brain but my lightning shield inflicts DOA attack, leaving the robots as flaming piles of metal.
bloodninja: King Arthur congratulates me for destroying Dr. Robotnik's evil army of Robot Socialist Republics. The cold war ends. Reagan steals my accomplishments and makes like it was cause of him.
bloodninja: You still there baby? I think it's getting hard now.
bloodninja: Baby?
----
BritneySpears14: Ok, are you ready?
eminemBNJA: Aight, yeah I'm ready.
BritneySpears14: I like your music Em... Tee hee.
eminemBNJA: huh huh, yeah, I make it for the ladies.
BritneySpears14: Mmm, we like it a lot. Let me show you.
BritneySpears14: I take off your pants, slowly, and massage your muscular physique.
eminemBNJA: Oh I like that Baby. I put on my robe and wizard hat.
BritneySpears14: What the f*ck, I told you not to message me again.
eminemBNJA: Oh shit
BritneySpears14: I swear if you do it one more time I'm gonna report your ISP and say you were sending me kiddie porn you f*ck up.
eminemBNJA: Oh shit
eminemBNJA: damn I gotta write down your names or something
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Ben G
Member
Registered: 12th Jan 07
Location: Essex
User status: Offline
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Boy: I turn you around to lick your asshole.
Boy: I pry apart that battleship you call your ass.
Boy: I see shit nuggets hanging from the hair around your asshole.
Girl: WTF?!?!?
Boy: They stink really bad.
Girl: OMG STOP!!!
Boy: I start to get fed up with your ugly ass
Boy: I tear off your wooden peg leg.
Boy: I ram it up your ass.
Girl: YOURE A FUCKING PYSCHO!!
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Brett
Premium Member
Registered: 16th Dec 02
Location: Manchester
User status: Offline
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The wizard one is a classic
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Jamie
Member
Registered: 1st Apr 02
Location: Aberdeen
User status: Offline
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quote:
Wellhung: How did you do that? I'm picking up the bra and inspecting the clasp.
Everyone has been there at some point
(or just me  )
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All Torque
Member
Registered: 17th Nov 05
Location: Milton Keynes Drives: Ford Focus TDCi
User status: Offline
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FLOL of evAr @ the wizard ones
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AdZ9
Member
Registered: 14th Apr 06
User status: Offline
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i aint read these for yrs, still cracks me up
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All Torque
Member
Registered: 17th Nov 05
Location: Milton Keynes Drives: Ford Focus TDCi
User status: Offline
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This conversation is real. It took place over AOL Instant Messenger. Only the names have been changed to
protect starcrftmaniac and PunkgirlAngl, I mean, the innocent.
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johnhara1
Member
Registered: 19th Oct 06
Location: Newcastle upon Tyne
User status: Offline
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PMSL @ the wizard
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Beardo
Member
Registered: 19th Oct 04
Location: Kelsall, Cheshire
User status: Offline
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mazin, never laughed so hard
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