All Torque
Member
Registered: 17th Nov 05
Location: Milton Keynes Drives: Ford Focus TDCi
User status: Offline
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What should you do if an elephant comes through your window?
Swim!
Yeah, Banned.. I know.
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Robin
Premium Member
Registered: 7th Jan 04
Location: Northants Drives: Clio 182 Cup
User status: Offline
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I'm going to sit here and wait for people not to get it 
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All Torque
Member
Registered: 17th Nov 05
Location: Milton Keynes Drives: Ford Focus TDCi
User status: Offline
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What's better than winning Gold at the Paralympics?
Walking.
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Scotty C
Member
Registered: 6th Nov 05
Location: Kidderminster Drives: 1.6 16v Sport
User status: Offline
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You can finish waiting Robin 
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Whittie
Member
Registered: 11th Aug 06
Location: North Wales Drives: BMW, Corsa & Fiat
User status: Offline
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Oh for god sake pete  |
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All Torque
Member
Registered: 17th Nov 05
Location: Milton Keynes Drives: Ford Focus TDCi
User status: Offline
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What's 10" long and slippery?
A slipper.
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IndyKalsey
Member
Registered: 26th Oct 06
Location: Manor Park, East London
User status: Offline
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y'know, at first, i didnt get it....... Then it hit me....... (it's the time)
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Whittie
Member
Registered: 11th Aug 06
Location: North Wales Drives: BMW, Corsa & Fiat
User status: Offline
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STOP
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All Torque
Member
Registered: 17th Nov 05
Location: Milton Keynes Drives: Ford Focus TDCi
User status: Offline
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After a night of drinking, Brian crept into bed beside his wife who was already asleep. He gave her a peck on the cheek and fell asleep.
When he awoke he found a strange man standing at the end of his bed wearing a long flowing white robe.
"Who the hell are you?", demanded Brian, "and what are you doing in my bedroom?"
The mysterious man answered, "This isn't your bedroom, and I'm St Peter".
Brian was stunned. "You mean I'm dead? That can't be, I have so much to live for, I haven't said goodbye to my family.... you've got to send me back straight away."
St Peter replied, "Yes, you can be reincarnated, but there is a catch. We can only send you back as a dog or a hen."
Brian was devastated, but knowing there was a farm not far from his house, he asked to be sent back as a hen. A flash of light later, he was covered in feathers and clucking around pecking the ground. "This ain't so bad," he thought until he felt this strange feeling welling up inside him.
The farmyard rooster strolled over and said, "So you're the new hen. How are you enjoying your first day here?
"It's not so bad," replied Brian, "but I have this strange feeling inside like I'm about to explode."
"You're ovulating," explained the rooster, "don't tell me you've never laid an egg before."
"Never," replied Brian.
"Well, just relax and let it happen." And so he did, and after a few uncomfortable seconds later, an egg popped out from under his tail. An immense feeling of relief swept over him and his emotions got the better of him as he experienced motherhood for the first time.
When he laid his second egg, the feeling of happiness was overwhelming and he knew that being reincarnated as a hen was the best thing that had happened to him... ever!!!
The joy kept coming, and as he was just about to lay his third egg, he felt an enormous smack on the back of his head and heard his wife shouting,
"Brian! Wake up, you drunk bastard, you're shitting the bed."
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Robin
Premium Member
Registered: 7th Jan 04
Location: Northants Drives: Clio 182 Cup
User status: Offline
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quote:
Originally posted by Whittie
STOP
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Whittie
Member
Registered: 11th Aug 06
Location: North Wales Drives: BMW, Corsa & Fiat
User status: Offline
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quote:
Originally posted by Whittie
STOP
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IndyKalsey
Member
Registered: 26th Oct 06
Location: Manor Park, East London
User status: Offline
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FIVE SECRETS OF A PERFECT RELATIONSHIP:
i) It is important to have a woman who helps at home, cooks, cleans and has a job.
ii) It is important to have a woman who can make u laugh
iii) It is important to have a woman u can trust and dosen't lie
iv) It is important to have a woman who is good in bed & likes being with you.
v) It is very, very important that these four bitches don't know each other
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Robin
Premium Member
Registered: 7th Jan 04
Location: Northants Drives: Clio 182 Cup
User status: Offline
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Whittie
Member
Registered: 11th Aug 06
Location: North Wales Drives: BMW, Corsa & Fiat
User status: Offline
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All Torque
Member
Registered: 17th Nov 05
Location: Milton Keynes Drives: Ford Focus TDCi
User status: Offline
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how do you make a woman go blind?
put a windscreen in front of her.
Whats pink, wrinkly, and hangs out your pants?
Your mum.
Why does Rupert the Bear wear a tartan scarf?
Because he's a cunt
Whats big white and wears a tartan scarf?
Rupert the fridge.
What's the difference between a porcupine and a police car?
A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.
[Edited on 10-06-2007 by All Torque]
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Robin
Premium Member
Registered: 7th Jan 04
Location: Northants Drives: Clio 182 Cup
User status: Offline
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quote:
Originally posted by All Torque
Whats big white and wears a tartan scarf?
Rupert the fridge.
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IndyKalsey
Member
Registered: 26th Oct 06
Location: Manor Park, East London
User status: Offline
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i posted a few in the jokes article on the same page, but, most of mine, on my fone, are quite racist, won't be u2u'ing any now though.... too much typing
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All Torque
Member
Registered: 17th Nov 05
Location: Milton Keynes Drives: Ford Focus TDCi
User status: Offline
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I have 2 FIERCE jokes that will never be posted on here or be u2u'd  
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Eck
Premium Member
Registered: 17th Apr 06
Location: Lundin Links, Fife
User status: Offline
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Why tell us you have the jokes then
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Wrighty
Member
Registered: 28th Feb 04
Location: Howden
User status: Offline
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coz hes all talk
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All Torque
Member
Registered: 17th Nov 05
Location: Milton Keynes Drives: Ford Focus TDCi
User status: Offline
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Bloke walks into an opticians “Can you help me, I am having trouble seeing things?”
Optician: “Can you stop masturbating?”
Bloke: “Why, is that what’s causing it?”
Optician “ I don’t know but your offending my customers”
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All Torque
Member
Registered: 17th Nov 05
Location: Milton Keynes Drives: Ford Focus TDCi
User status: Offline
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quote:
Originally posted by Wrighty
coz hes all talk
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Rob E
Member
Registered: 1st Jan 06
Location: Madeley, Stafford....I want to live back in Wales!
User status: Offline
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quote:
Originally posted by All Torque
What's better than winning Gold at the Paralympics?
Walking.
that is the shadiest joke ever but has creased me with laughter
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