marklaruk
Member
Registered: 4th Sep 04
Location: Leeds
User status: Offline
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HIJACK A PLANE - WIN A COUNCIL HOUSE
Good morning and welcome to a brand new edition of 'ASYLUM'. Today's
programme features another chance to take part in our exciting competition:
Hijack an airliner and win a council house! We've already given away
hundreds of millions of pounds and thousands of dream homes, courtesy of
our sponsor the British Taxpayer. And don't forget, we're now the fastest
growing game on the planet. Anyone can play, provided they don't already
hold a valid British passport, and you only need one word of English:
'ASYLUM'!.
Prizes include all-expenses-paid accommodation, cash benefits starting at
£180 a week and a chance to earn thousands more begging, mugging and
accosting drivers at traffic lights. This competition is open to everyone
buying a ticket or stowing away on one of our partner airlines, ferry
companies or Eurostar. No application ever refused reasonable or
unreasonable. All you have to do is destroy all your papers and remember
the magic password: 'ASYLUM'.
Only this week 140 members of the Taleban family from Afghanistan were
flown Goat Class from Kabul to our international gateway at Stansted where
local law enforcement officers were on hand to fast-track them to their
luxury £200-a-night rooms in the fabulous four star Hilton Hotel. They join
tens of thousands of other lucky winners already staying in hotels all over
Britain. Our most popular destinations also include the White Cliffs of
Dover and the world famous Toddington Services area In Historic
Bedfordshire. If you still don't understand the rules, don't forget there's
no need to phone a friend or ask the audience, just apply for legal aid.
Hundreds of lawyers, social workers and counselors are waiting to help.
It won't cost you a penny, so play today; it could change your life
forever. Iraqi terrorists, Afghan dissidents, Albanian gangsters,
pro-Pinochet activists, anti-Pinochet activists, Kosovan drug-smugglers,
Tamil tigers, bogus Bosnians, Rwandan mass murderers, Somali
guerrillas...COME ON DOWN! Get along to the airport, get along to the lorry
park, get along to the ferry terminal. Don't stop in Germany or France. Go
straight to Britain. And you are guaranteed to be one of tens of thousands
of lucky winners in the softest game on earth. Roll up, roll up my friends
for the game that never ends.
Everyone's a winner, when they play 'ASYLUM'.
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