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Icy

Member

Registered: 31st Jan 01
Location: Edinburgh Drives: Mk3 Golf Gti
User status: Offline

21st Feb 06 at 10:07

A major hurricane (Senga) and an earthquake measuring 5.8 on the Richter
scale hit Glasgow in the early hours of Yesterday with its epicentre in
The Gorbals.
Victims were seen wandering around aimlessly, muttering "Pure mental,
man-no?".
The hurricane decimated the area causing approximately £30 worth of
damage.
Several priceless collections of mementos from Majorca and the Seville
were damaged beyond repair. Three areas of historic burnt out cars were
disturbed. Many locals were woken well before their giros arrived.
Clyde FM reported that hundreds of residents were confused and
bewildered and were still trying to come to terms with the fact that
something interesting had happened in The Gorbals.
One resident - Bernadette O'Reilly, a 15-year-old mother of 5 said "It
gied me a pure fright so's it did. My little Chardonnay-Mercedes came
running into my bedroom greetin'. My youngest two, Tyler-Morgan and
Megan-Storm slept through it all. Ah wiz still shaking when I was
watching Trisha the next morning, so's ah wiz."
Apparently though, looting, muggings and car crime were unaffected and
carried on as normal.
The British Red Cross has so far managed to ship 4,000 crates of
Buckfast to the area to help the stricken locals. Rescue workers are
still searching through the rubble and have found large quantities of
personal belongings, including benefit books and Bone China from
Poundstretchers.
HOW CAN YOU HELP?
This appeal is to raise money for food and clothing parcels for those
unfortunate enough to be caught up in this disaster. Clothing is most
sought after - items most needed include:
-- Fila or Burberry baseball caps
-- Kappa tracksuit tops (his and hers)
-- Shell suits (female)
-- White sport socks
-- Rockport boots or Adidas trainers
Food parcels may be harder to come by, but are needed all the same.
Required foodstuffs include:
-- Microwave chips
-- Pies from Greggs
-- Tins of baked beans
-- Ice cream
-- Cans of Special Brew or bottle of Buckie.
22p buys a biro for filling in the compensation forms
£2 buys chips, crisps and Irn Bru for a family of 9
£5 will pay for a packet of B&H and a lighter to calm the nerves of
those affected.
**Breaking news**
Rescue workers found a girl in the rubble smothered in raspberry
alcho-pop.
'Where are you bleeding from?' they asked.
"Parkheed" said the girl, "wits that tae you?"
_________________

K2 GTi

Member

Registered: 21st Oct 04
User status: Offline

21st Feb 06 at 10:09

heard this about every city in the country