leeshez
Member
Registered: 3rd May 01
Location: Great Harwood, Lancashire
User status: Offline
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i have a confession to make.......
I was spending the day in the house on my own and had
already 'knocked a few out' including a couple of 'arm breakers' when I
decided
there was more
> > > >>to life than 'burping the worm' all the time. My 'blue veined
hooligan'
> >>had
>> > >>been getting a bit sore lately as a result, and it was
> > > >>therefore time for my 'womb broom' to experience a bit of action to
give
> > > >>'kojak's money
> > > >>box' a chance to 'shoot some filthy yoghurt' into some woman's
'furry
> > >>letter box'. 'Feeding the pigeons'is OK but not to the extent I had
> > >been
> > > >>doing it.
> > > >>
> > > >>Later that evening I prepared myself for a night on the town with
the
> > > >>boys. There's no better preparation then having 'baked one' (held a
shit
> > > >>back) for hours and then feeling the ecstasy of 'releasing the
chocolate
> > > >>hostage'.
> > > >>It's funny, as soon as the 'pace car' (leading shit) is away the
> > > >>rest comes roaring out of the pits behind it.
> > > >>> > > >>Anyway I get to the nightclub. There are a few 'swamp
donkeys' and
> > > >>'salad dodgers' hanging around including a few others that looked
like> > > >>they have been 'ram raiding on scooters'. Then I caught the eye
of
this> > > >>'aeroplane blond' (one who has dyed her hair but probably still
has
a> > >black
> > > >>box).
> > > >>She was tall and slim with 'massive jugs' and 'nipples the size of
a> > > >>fighter pilots thumbs'. She walked towards me and my mind started
to > >work
> > > >>overtime.
> > > >>It looked like I would be 'feeding the horses' not the pigeons
> > >>tonight if I played my cards right. I had been a 'harbour
master'(one
> > > >>who's been with a few tugboats) in my time but this one was an
> > >exception.
> > > >>We got talking and it didn't take long for the subject of sex to
come up
> > >-
> > > >>she was definitely a 'hose monster' I thought to myself.
> > > >>
> > > >>We talked all night in the club and ended up back at mine where
> > > >>the topic of
> > > >>sex continued. By this point my 'spunk trumpet' was like a'horse's
> > > >>handbrake'.
> > > >>I could tell she was also getting aroused with all this dirty chat
> > > >>so I ripped off her blouse and sunk my mouth into her bazookas
chewing
> > >on
> > >>her nipples which
> > > >>were now 'the size of JCB starter buttons'.
> > > >>My hands started to wander down stairs in search of her 'womb
> > >ferret'.When I
> > > >>found it, it was 'wetter than a otters pocket', and so I began to
rub
> > > >>it frantically. At the same time she put her hand in my pants and
> > > >>started to 'choke the chicken' and then got on to 'smoking the
> > >Whitehouse
> > > >>cigar',
> > > >>taking it deep into her throat until my cock was like a 'diamond
> > > >>cutter'. > > > >>With my hair trigger I didn't want to be labelled
'a dress messer'
so I> > > >>pulled out before it was too late. After a short break I had her
> > > >>knickers off but to my horror there was a 'cotton pony' hanging out
of> > >her> > > >>'bacon rashers' - I soon got rid of that. I was then faced
with a
> > >decision,> > > >>should I go for the 'easy pink or the tight brown'? -
I decided to
play > > >safe on this occasion. 'Like a rat up a drainpipe' I proceeded to
'bend
one up'
and in no time I was 'porking her' with my 'conkers deep' inside
her 'double doors'.Missionary first then onto 'playing the double bass'
(doggy
style with left hand on left tit and right hand on muff).I can't play the
double bass so I just started to bang away as hard as I could until she
was 'shaking like a shitting dog' and my 'guy rope'(the skin connecting
the fly sheet to the tent pole) was almost splitting.
The time had come to 'empty my concrete'. She had already told me
she was on the pill (not that it mattered) but I decided to play safe
again and 'shot my sperm blunderbuss' across her bows. Instead of firing
my baby gravy' over her belly and tits due to my excitement I ended up
giving her a 'pearl necklace' and other 'jelly jewellery' to match. To show
her my
appreciation I decided to go down on her and finish off the job.
Because she was 'up on blocks' (a leak from under the bonnet) and my cock
already looked like a 'barbers pole', I realised it was going to get messy.
Fuck it I
thought and proceeded to take my first 'sip from the hairy teacup'.
It stunk like an'anchovies fanny' and I could feel the 'mexican
lipstick' all over my chops but I didn't give a shit as a hadn't been 'muff
diving' for ages.
She started to 'cum for England' and was 'all over me like a cheap
suit'. I must have 'given her a right good shafting' as well
because when she got up to visit the loo she was 'walking like John Wayne'.
This was two weeks ago now and I haven't had a sniff since so I'm
back to 'spanking the monkey' again. I've considered turning gay
but those 'turd burgling' 'chutney ferrets' make me sick. The thought
of a' crafty butcher'(one who likes taking his meat around the back)
pushing his 'chocolate
lollypop' in my 'rusty sheriff's badge' and into my 'soil sump'
doesn't really appeal. As this 'uphill gardening' business with
'arsetronauts'is
definitely not my scene I'm happy to stick to my 'bell ringing'
even if it does end up making me blind. Anyway I'm off to 'drop the kids off
at the pool 'for the last time today.
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