leeshez
Member
Registered: 3rd May 01
Location: Great Harwood, Lancashire
User status: Offline
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This is possibly a repost but hey
DON'T waste money on expensive iPods. Simply think of your favourite
> tune and hum it. If you want to "switch tracks", simply think of
> Another song you like and hum that instead.
>
> CINEMA goers. Please have consideration for pirate DVD viewers by
> having a p*ss before the film starts.
>
> RAPPERS. Avoid having to say 'know what I'm sayin' all the time by
> actually speaking clearly in the first place.
>
> DON'T waste money on expensive paper shredders to avoid having your
> identity stolen. Simply place a few dog turds in the bin bags along
> with your old bank statements.
>
> WORRIED that your teeth will be stained after a heavy night drinking
> red wine? Simply drink a bottle of white wine before going to bed to
> Remove the stains.
>
> SOLDIERS Invest in a digital camera to avoid all that court martial
> tomfoolery after a trip to Trueprint.
>
> MURDERERS Need to dispose of a body? Simply parcel it up and post it to
> yourself via DHL. You will never see it again.
>
> BURGLARS. When fleeing from the police, run with your right arm
> sticking out at 90 degrees, wrapped in a baby mattress in case they set
> one of their dogs on you.
>
> EMPLOYERS Avoid hiring unlucky people by immediately tossing half the
> CVs into the bin.
>
> MEN When listening to your favourite CD, simply turn up the sound to
> the volume you desire; then turn it down three notches. This will save
> Your wife from having to do it.
>
> GAMBLERS. For a new gambling opportunity, try sending £50 to yourself
> by Royal Mail.
>
> BANGING two pistachio nutshells together gives the impression that a
> very small horse is approaching.
>
> BLIND PEOPLE Give yourself at least a chance of seeing something by not
> wearing heavy dark glasses all the time.
>
> ALCOHOL makes an ideal substitute for happiness.
>
> DRIVERS. If a car breaks down or stalls in front of you, beep your horn
> and wave your arms frantically. This should help the car start and send
> them on their way.
>
> PREVENT burglars stealing everything in the house by simply moving
> everything in the house into your bedroom when you go to bed. In the
> morning, simply move it all back again.
>
> CAR thieves Don't be discouraged when nothing is on view. All the
> valuables may be hidden in the glove box or under a seat.
>
> DEPRESSED people. Instead of attempting suicide as a 'cry for help',
> simply shout 'Help!' thus saving money on paracetamol, etc.
>
> MOTORISTS Avoid getting prosecuted for using your phone whilst driving.
> Simply pop your mobile inside a large shell and the police will think
> you are listening to the sea.
>
> JEREMY Beadle When selling DVDs on your TV advert, hold the disks in
> your bigger hand so that they do not appear to be the size of laser
> disks.
>
> SHOES last twice as long if only worn every other day.
>
> SINGLE men Convince people that you have a girlfriend by standing
> outside Etam with several bags of shopping, looking at your watch and
> occasionally glancing inside.
>
> BOIL an egg to perfection without costly egg timers by popping the egg
> into boiling water and driving away from your home at exactly 60 mph.
> After 3 miles, phone your wife and tell her to take the egg out the pan.
>
> ALCOHOLICS don't worry where the next drink is coming from. Go to the
> pub, where a large selection is available at retail prices.
>
> McDONALD'S Make your brown carrier bags green in colour so they blend
> in with the countryside after they've been thrown out of car windows.
>
> WOMEN Don't waste energy faking org@sms. Most men couldn't give a sh*t
> anyway and you could use the saved energy to hoover the house after
> you've been banged.
>
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p4uls corsa
Member
Registered: 2nd May 05
Location: BRADFORD
User status: Offline
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SXi_Tim
Member
Registered: 11th Mar 03
Location: South Yorkshire Drives: RS3, LET B
User status: Offline
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CINEMA goers. Please have consideration for pirate DVD viewers by
> having a p*ss before the film starts.
pmsl
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j10E W
Member
Registered: 30th Sep 04
Location: maidstone
User status: Offline
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the viz is quality
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Dean_W
Member
Registered: 13th Dec 05
Location: Downham Market, Norfolk
User status: Offline
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Jason Iles
Member
Registered: 19th Jun 01
Location: Bristol
User status: Offline
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Mazin
> WOMEN Don't waste energy faking org@sms. Most men couldn't give a sh*t
> anyway and you could use the saved energy to hoover the house after
> you've been banged.
>
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Brett
Premium Member
Registered: 16th Dec 02
Location: Manchester
User status: Offline
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MOTORISTS Avoid getting prosecuted for using your phone whilst driving. Simply pop your mobile inside a large hell and the police will think you are listening to the sea.
Quality
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Ojc
Member
Registered: 14th Nov 00
Location: Reading: Drives : Clio 197
User status: Offline
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MURDERERS Need to dispose of a body? Simply parcel it up and post it to
> yourself via DHL. You will never see it again.
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Gav S
Member
Registered: 16th Apr 02
Location: Coventry, West Midlands
User status: Offline
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BLIND PEOPLE Give yourself at least a chance of seeing something by not
> wearing heavy dark glasses all the time
some beauties on there 
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