Andy GSi
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Registered: 24th Mar 02
Location: Shropshire, Drives 2.0l 16v Corsa
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HOW TO START A FAMILY
The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use asurrogate father to start their family.
On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife goodbye and said, "Well, I'm off now. The man should be here soon."
Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer happened to ring the doorbell, hoping to make a sale.
"Good morning, Ma'am", he said, "I've come to...''
"Oh, no need to explain," Mrs Smith cut in, embarrassed,"I've been expecting you."
"Have you really?" said the photographer. "Well, that's good. Did you know babies are my specialty?"
"Well that's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat"
After a moment she asked, blushing, "Well, where do we start?"
"Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch, and perhaps a couple on the bed. And sometimes the living room floor is fun.
You can really spread out there."
"Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work out for Harry and me!"
"Well, Ma'am, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But if we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles,
I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results."
"My, that's a lot!" gasped Mrs Smith.
"Ma'am, in my line of work a man has to take his time. I'd love to be in and out in five minutes, but I'm sure you'd be disappointed with that."
"Don't I know it," said Mrs Smith quietly.
The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby pictures. "This was done on the top of a bus," he said.
"Oh my God!" Mrs Smith exclaimed, grasping at her throat.
"And these twins turned out exceptionally well - when you consider her mother was so difficult to work with."
"She was difficult?" asked Mrs Smith.
"Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to the park to get the job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep to get a good look."
Four and five deep?" said Mrs Smith, her eyes wide with amazement.
"Yes", the photographer replied. "And for more than three hours, too.
The mother was constantly squealing and yelling - I could hardly concentrate, and when darkness approached I had to rush my shots.
Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just had to pack it all in."
Mrs Smith leaned forward. "Do you mean they actually chewed on your, um..equipment?"
"It's true, Ma'am, yes. Well, if you're ready, I'll set-up my tripod and we can get to work right away."
"Tripod?"
"Oh yes, Ma'am. I need to use a tripod to rest my Canon on.
It's much too big to be held in the hand very long."
Mrs. Smith fainted
[Edited on 16-12-2005 by andysri]
[Edited on 16-12-2005 by andysri]
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Carr
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Registered: 1st Oct 04
Location: Leicestershire (Home) Ambleside, Lakes (Uni)
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Tom
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Registered: 3rd Apr 02
Location: Wirral, Merseyside
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PMSL that's class
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Nismo
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Registered: 12th Sep 02
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Carr
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Registered: 1st Oct 04
Location: Leicestershire (Home) Ambleside, Lakes (Uni)
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More jokes please
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Jamie Walby
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Registered: 15th Nov 04
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schoey
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Registered: 29th Jun 05
Location: Billinghay, Lincolnshire
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work it!!!
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Andy GSi
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Registered: 24th Mar 02
Location: Shropshire, Drives 2.0l 16v Corsa
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another one for ya ppl:
A young boy went up to his father and asked him, "Dad, what is the difference between potentially and realistically?"
The father thought for a moment, then answered, "Go ask your mother if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars. Then ask your sister if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars, and then, ask your brother if he'd sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars. Come back and tell me what you learn from that."
So the boy went to his mother and asked, "Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?" The mother replied, "Of course I would! We could really use that money to fix up the house and send you kids to a great University!" The boy then went to his sister and asked, "Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?" The girl replied, "Oh my God! I LOVE Brad Pitt I would sleep with him in a heartbeat, are you nuts?!?!?"
The boy then went to his brother and asked, "Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?" Of course," the brother replied. "Do you know how much a million bucks would buy?"
The boy pondered the answers for a few days, then went back to his dad. His father asked him, "Did you find out the difference between potentially and realistically?"
The boy replied, "Yes... Potentially, you and I are sitting on Three Million Dollars....but Realistically,......... we're living with two Sluts and a Queer."
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