Doug
Member
Registered: 8th Oct 03
User status: Offline
|
I know some od these are old but there were a few i hadnt heard before!
What do you call a chav in a box?
Innit.
What do you call a chav in a filing cabinet?
Sorted
What do you call a chav in a box with a lock on it?
Safe.
What do you call an Eskimo chav?
Innuinnit.
Why are Chavs like slinkies?
They have no real use but it's great to watch one fall down a flight of stairs.
What do you call a Chavette in a white tracksuit?
The bride.
You're in your car and you see a Chav on a bike, why should you try not to hit him?
It might be your bike.
What's the difference between a Chav and a coconut?
One's thick and hairy, the other's a coconut.
What's the first question at a Chav quiz night?
"Wot you lookin'at?"
How do you get 100 Chavs into a phone box?
Paint three stripes on it.
Two Chavs in a car without any music....who's driving?
The police
What do you call a chav with 9 GCSE's?
A liar.
What do you say to a chav with a job?
Can I have a big mac please.
What do you say to a chav in a suit?
Will the defendant please stand
What do u call a knife in chaville?
Exhibit A
Why is 3 chavs going over a cliff in a Nova a shame?
A Nova seats 4
What do you call a 27 year old chavette?
Granny.
How many chavs does it take to change a lightbulb?
One, they'll screw anything.
What do you call 100 chavs at the bottom of a river?
A start.
How many chavs does it take to clean a floor?
None, "That's some uvver bleeders job innit."
Why did the chav take a shower?
He didn't mean to, he just forgot to close the Nova's window in the car wash
Why did the chav cross the road?
To start a fight with a random stranger for no reason whatsoever.
What do you call a chav at college?
The cleaner.
A bus full of chavs were driving through Wales. As they were approaching
Llanfgogogferrinfourasoch they started arguing about the pronunciation
of the town's name. They argued back and forth until they stopped for lunch.
As they stood at the counter, one chav asked the blonde employee,
"Before we order, could you settle an argument for us? Would you please
pronounce where we are... very slowly?" - The blonde girl leaned over the counter and said, "Burrrrrrrr-gerrrrrrr-Kiiiiing."
Two chavs jump off a cliff, who wins?
Society!
How do you stop a chav from drowning?
Take your foot off their head.
What's the difference between a Chav girl and the Grand Old Duke of York?
The Grand Old Duke of york only had ten thousand men...
Whats the differnce between an onion and a dying chav?
Onions make you cry!
What do chavs use as protection during sex?
A bus shelter.
What do you call a 12 year old chav girl?
Pregnant.
What do you do if you run a chav over?
Slip it into reverse just to make sure.
What do you do if you shoot a chav?
Reload.
What does a chavette do when she gets up in the morning?
She goes home
What's brown and black and looks great on a chav?
A rottweiler.
What's yellow and looks great on a chav?
A JCB.
What's the difference between a battery and a chav?
A battery has a positive side
What do you give a chav thats buried upto his neck in sand?
More sand
How do you make a chav go woof?
Douse it in petrol and light it
How do you stop a chav from laughing?
Hit him in the face with an axe
How do you kill a Chav?
Wait until it's having a drink then slam the toilet lid down
What's the difference between a chav and the loch ness monster?
Sadly, chavs are real
Judge: What gear were you in at the moment of crashing your Nova?
Chav defendant: Reeboks and a Burbery cap.
Chavette is doing the washing up when her 4 year old daughter comes up
to her
"Mummy, I wondered why your hands are so soft"
"'Kin ell Storm" says the chavette. "It's 'cos I'm twelve, innit"
What is the similarity between a middle aged Chav woman's legs, and The Beatles?
They haven't been together since the 70's
Why wasn't jesus born in Trowbridge town park (a chav hot spot)?
Because they couldn't find three wise men or a virgin
Whats the difference between a Chav and a Computer?
You can punch information into a computer.
What's the difference between a phone battery and a chav just out of prison?
The battery will last at least a couple of days before being charged again.
How do you make a chav run faster?
Tuck a car stereo under his arm.
A man is on a train, going through a chav-town, when it starts bumping
around and bouncing terribly. Eventually, after a few minutes, it becomes smoother again and a guard comes through the carriage. "Ladies and
gentlemen, I must apologise but we just ran over a chav." Says the
guard.
"It must have been a bloody big one!" The man says, "The train bumped
around for ages!" ... "Ahhh, but we had to chase him over three streets first, sir!"
Four surgeons are taking a coffee break.
The first one says, "Accountants are the best to operate on because when you open them up everything inside them is numbered."
The second surgeon says, "Nah, librarians are the best; everything inside them is in alphabetical order."
Third surgeon says, "Try electricians. Everything inside them is colour-coded."
The fourth one says, "I prefer chavs. They're heartless, spineless, gutless and their heads and arses are interchangeable."
How do you stop a chav spitting?
Turn the grill down
What goes plink plink fizz and will make you feel better?
Dropping two chavs into an acid bath.
Why do Chav Cars have small steering wheels?
So they can Drive with the handcuffs on
|
