michelle
Member
Registered: 15th Oct 03
Location: Kirkintilloch, Glasgow
User status: Offline
|
International Rules of Manhood
01: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella, unless at The footy, and your pies are getting wet, then for the eating period only It is permissible.
02: It is ok for a man to cry under the following circumstances:
a. When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
b. The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse.
c. After wrecking your boss' car.
d. One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into "The Crying Game".
e. When she is using her teeth.
03: Any Man who brings a camera to a stag night may be legally killed and eaten by his mates.
04: Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.
05: If you've known a bloke for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever, unless you actually marry her.
06: Moaning about the brand of free beer in a mate's fridge is forbidden.
However complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.
07: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man.
In fact, even remembering your mate's birthday is strictly optional.
08: On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.
09: When stumbling upon other blokes watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.
10: You may flatulate in front of a woman only after you have brought her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulent entertainment, she's officially your girlfriend.
11: It is permissible to quaff a fruity alcoh-pop drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach... and it's delivered by a topless super-model....and it's free.
12: Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another bloke in the nuts.
13: Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.
14: Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.
15: If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see anything.
16: Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game (can explain offside or (LBW) and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers.
17: A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.
18: Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both that's just greedy.
19: If you compliment a bloke on his six-pack, you'd better be talking about his choice of beer.
20: Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a mate of yours, except if she's withholding s*x pending your response.
21: Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while lifting weights:
a. Yeah, Baby, Push it!
b. C'mon, give me one more! Harder!
c. Another set and we can hit the showers!
22: Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing: i.e.
Both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.
23: Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have s*x with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone. Hang up if necessary.
24: The morning after you and a girl who was formerly "just a friend" have carnal drunken monkey s*x, the fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is no reason for you not to nail each other again before the Discussion about what a big mistake it was occurs.
25: It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for her to drive yours.
26: Thou shalt not buy a car in the colours of brown, pink, lime green, orange or sky blue.
27: The girl who replies to the question "What do you want for Christmas?"
with "If you loved me, you'd know what I want!" gets an Xbox. End of story.
28: There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or Men's Gymnastics.
Ever.
|
dave17
Member
Registered: 3rd Sep 02
Location: Greater London
User status: Offline
|
too long, summary please 
|
willay
Moderator
Organiser: South East, National Events
Premium Member
Registered: 10th Nov 02
Location: Roydon, Essex
User status: Offline
|
I agree with Dave17, pics 
|
Ally
Member
Registered: 2nd Jul 03
Location: Pontypool Drives: a Skoda
User status: Offline
|
quote:
Originally posted by Dave17
too long, summary please
Men are lazy slobs.
|
TNM
Member
Registered: 5th Apr 04
Location: Nottingham Drives: VW Tiguan
User status: Offline
|
BIG TITS!
I mean seen them all before 
|
Tom
Member
Registered: 3rd Apr 02
Location: Wirral, Merseyside
User status: Offline
|
So true
24: The morning after you and a girl who was formerly "just a friend" have carnal drunken monkey s*x, the fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is no reason for you not to nail each other again before the Discussion about what a big mistake it was occurs.
|
Edd
Member
Registered: 8th Nov 04
Location: Glasgow
User status: Offline
|
quote:
Originally posted by michelle
25: It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for her to drive yours.
so true!!
|
Matt H
Member
Registered: 11th Sep 01
Location: South Yorkshire
User status: Offline
|
|
Laney
Member
Registered: 6th May 03
Location: Leeds
User status: Offline
|
quote:
Originally posted by Matt H
|
Matt H
Member
Registered: 11th Sep 01
Location: South Yorkshire
User status: Offline
|
quote:
Originally posted by Laney
quote:
Originally posted by Matt H
(I made this, I didn't steal it. Remember where you saw it 1st  )
|
Ren
Member
Registered: 16th Oct 04
User status: Offline
|
http://www.liquorwits.com/code.html
|
Laney
Member
Registered: 6th May 03
Location: Leeds
User status: Offline
|
quote:
Originally posted by Matt H
quote:
Originally posted by Laney
quote:
Originally posted by Matt H
(I made this, I didn't steal it. Remember where you saw it 1st )
Are you the guy on the right? 
|
Matt H
Member
Registered: 11th Sep 01
Location: South Yorkshire
User status: Offline
|
NO 
|
sukhwant
Member
Registered: 8th Sep 04
Location: Leeds
User status: Offline
|
Been reading the Sun have we???
|
Matt H
Member
Registered: 11th Sep 01
Location: South Yorkshire
User status: Offline
|
me?
|
Laney
Member
Registered: 6th May 03
Location: Leeds
User status: Offline
|
quote:
Originally posted by Matt H
NO
The guy on the left then Vest-boy
|
Robin
Premium Member
Registered: 7th Jan 04
Location: Northants Drives: Clio 182 Cup
User status: Offline
|
bloke on the left looks like you laney :lol
|
Laney
Member
Registered: 6th May 03
Location: Leeds
User status: Offline
|
quote:
Originally posted by robmarriott
bloke on the left looks like you laney :lol
Presuming that's me in my Avatar
Ps 
|
