--Dave--
Banned
Registered: 17th Feb 04
Location: Essssseeeeex Drives: Black Supra TT
User status: Offline
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> A train hits a busload of Essex Schoolgirls and they all perish.
>They are all in heaven trying to enter the pearly gates past St.Peter.
>St Peter asks the first girl (from Southend), "Karen, have you ever had any contact with a mans thing?"
>
>She giggles and shyly replies, "Well I once touched the head of one with the tip of my finger"
>
>St. Peter says, "OK, dip the tip of your finger in The Holy Water and pass through the gate."
>
>St. Peter asks the next girl (from Chelmsford) the same question, "Joanne have you ever had any contact with a mans thing?"
>
>The girl is a little reluctant but replies "Well once I fondled and stroked one."
>St. Peter says "OK, dip your whole hand in The Holy Water and pass through the gate."
>
>All of a sudden there is a lot of commotion in the line of girls, and the girl from Colchester is pushing her way to the front of the line.
>When she reaches the front of the line St. Peter says "Tracy! What seems to be the rush?"
>
>The girl replies.."If I'm going to have to gargle that Holy water...I want to do it before Lorraine sticks her arse in it!!"
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willay
Moderator
Organiser: South East, National Events
Premium Member
Registered: 10th Nov 02
Location: Roydon, Essex
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[Edited on 07-02-2005 by willay]
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--Dave--
Banned
Registered: 17th Feb 04
Location: Essssseeeeex Drives: Black Supra TT
User status: Offline
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Two Essex girls walk up to a perfume counter and pick up a Sample bottle, Joanne sprays it on her wrist and smells it,
>"That's quite nice innit, don't you fink Trace?"
>"Yeah, what's it called?"
>"Viens a moi"
>"VIENS A MOI, what the f**k does that mean?"
>At this stage the assistant offers some help.
>"Viens a moi, ladies is French for 'come to me'"
>Joanne takes another sniff and offers her arm to Tracey again, saying,"That doesn't smell like come to me Trace. Does it smell like
>come to you?"
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kates_sri
Member
Registered: 15th Aug 04
Location: Driffield, E Riding of Yorkshire
User status: Offline
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willay
Moderator
Organiser: South East, National Events
Premium Member
Registered: 10th Nov 02
Location: Roydon, Essex
User status: Offline
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!!!!
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Charlene
Member
Registered: 29th Sep 04
Location: Darlington
User status: Offline
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Tom
Member
Registered: 3rd Apr 02
Location: Wirral, Merseyside
User status: Offline
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Pablo
Member
Registered: 3rd Feb 03
Location: Milton Keynes
User status: Offline
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--Dave--
Banned
Registered: 17th Feb 04
Location: Essssseeeeex Drives: Black Supra TT
User status: Offline
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A guy decides to have a party where his guests are asked to come
as different emotions e.g. fear etc .
On the night of the party, the
first guest arrives and the host opens the door to see a guy covered in
green paint with the letters N and V painted on his chest.
He says to this guy, Wow, great outfit, what emotion have you come as?" And the guy
says, "I'm green with NV".The host replies, "Brilliant, come on in and have
a drink."
A few minutes later the next guest arrives and the host opens the
door to see a woman covered in a pink body stocking with a feather boa
wrapped around her most intimate parts.He says to this woman "Wow, great
outfit, what emotion have you come as?"She replies, "I'm tickled pink." The host says, "I love it, come on in and join the party.
A couple of minutes later the doorbell goes for the third time, and the host opens the door to see two Irish blokes, Paddy and Mick, standing stark naked one with his knob in a bowl of
custard, and the other with his knob stuck in a pear.
The host is really shocked
and says, "Well, what the hell are you both doing? You could get arrested
standing like that out there in the street like that. Anyhow what emotion
is this supposed to be?!?!" Paddy replies, "Well, Oim fokn discustard,
and Mick here has just come in despair"
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Martin
Member
Registered: 15th Mar 04
Location: Dumpstable Drives: Aztec Sxi
User status: Offline
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