marklaruk
Member
Registered: 4th Sep 04
Location: Leeds
User status: Offline
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a car hit someone...
ow? 
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nik
Member
Registered: 19th Jun 00
User status: Offline
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Two condoms are walking down a street. They stop outside a gay bar, one turns to the other and says shall we go in and get shit faced.
A group of Black blokes are walking across a field carrying a coffin. What are they doing?
Blackberrying 
[Edited on 23-04-2007 by nik]
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Hammer
Member
Registered: 11th Feb 04
User status: Offline
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Bloke walks into a bar with his mate the green tarmac, asks for a pint and a tonic water.
Barman says 'does your mate not take a drink?'
Guy replies 'nah when he drinks he turns into a cycle path'
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nathy_87
Member
Registered: 14th Aug 08
Location: West Mids. Drives: koda Fabia VRS 5J
User status: Offline
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Two Blondes walk into a building surley one of them would of seen it
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Scotty_B
Member
Registered: 11th Jun 03
Location: East Kilbride
User status: Offline
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What did the cannibal do when he dumped his girlfriend?
Wiped his arse.
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Kurt
Member
Registered: 23rd Oct 05
Location: Hi
User status: Offline
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Why dont rappers like country and western?
Cause when they see a ho down they think someone shot their bitch
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Dione J
Member
Registered: 22nd Sep 04
Location: West Midlands Drives: Leon Cupra Turbo
User status: Offline
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Black man goes to the doctors and says "doctor i wake up every morning and start running, i cant stop until i go to bed"
Doctor looks, opens his draw & pulls out some white powder out, says "sniff this and come back in a week to let me know how it goes"
The black man returns a week later and says "bloody hell doc it worked what was it crack?"
"no" says the doctor....
"it was persil, guarneteed to stop colours running"
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Doug
Member
Registered: 8th Oct 03
User status: Offline
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Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to the other side.
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Scotty_B
Member
Registered: 11th Jun 03
Location: East Kilbride
User status: Offline
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quote:
Originally posted by Doug
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to the other side.
FPMSL
Classic
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All Torque
Member
Registered: 17th Nov 05
Location: Milton Keynes Drives: Ford Focus TDCi
User status: Offline
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quote:
Originally posted by d_jay50
Black man goes to the doctors and says "doctor i wake up every morning and start running, i cant stop until i go to bed"
Doctor looks, opens his draw & pulls out some white powder out, says "sniff this and come back in a week to let me know how it goes"
The black man returns a week later and says "bloody hell doc it worked what was it crack?"
"no" says the doctor....
"it was persil, guarneteed to stop colours running"
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All Torque
Member
Registered: 17th Nov 05
Location: Milton Keynes Drives: Ford Focus TDCi
User status: Offline
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A text from Matt L:
Whats the difference between a black man and a bench?
A bench can support a family.
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Eck
Premium Member
Registered: 17th Apr 06
Location: Lundin Links, Fife
User status: Offline
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quote:
Originally posted by Rachel H
...two fish got battered.
and the chips got assaulted.
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Dione J
Member
Registered: 22nd Sep 04
Location: West Midlands Drives: Leon Cupra Turbo
User status: Offline
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Cop on horse says to little girl on bike "did santa get you that?"
"Yep" replies the little girl.
"Well tell him to put a reflector light on it next year" & fined her £5 says the cop.
The little girl looked up at the cop and said "nice horse you got there, did santa get you that?"
The cop chuckles & replies "he sure did"
"Well" said the little girl "next year tell santa the dick goes under the horse not ontop of it"
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Matt L
Member
Registered: 17th Apr 06
User status: Offline
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quote:
Originally posted by d_jay50
Cop on horse says to little girl on bike "did santa get you that?"
"Yep" replies the little girl.
"Well tell him to put a reflector light on it next year" & fined her £5 says the cop.
The little girl looked up at the cop and said "nice horse you got there, did santa get you that?"
The cop chuckles & replies "he sure did"
"Well" said the little girl "next year tell santa the dick goes under the horse not ontop of it"
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Wrighty_1988
Member
Registered: 30th Jun 06
Location: South Yorkshire
User status: Offline
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Two crisps outside an off licence, one was assaulted.
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All Torque
Member
Registered: 17th Nov 05
Location: Milton Keynes Drives: Ford Focus TDCi
User status: Offline
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quote:
Originally posted by Matt L
quote:
Originally posted by d_jay50
Cop on horse says to little girl on bike "did santa get you that?"
"Yep" replies the little girl.
"Well tell him to put a reflector light on it next year" & fined her £5 says the cop.
The little girl looked up at the cop and said "nice horse you got there, did santa get you that?"
The cop chuckles & replies "he sure did"
"Well" said the little girl "next year tell santa the dick goes under the horse not ontop of it"
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mark_gsi
Member
Registered: 1st Nov 03
Location: Peterlee/darlington
User status: Offline
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dumb blond, smart blond, fairy and father christmas walk into a pub nd there is £5 on the floor which 1 picks it up??
the dumb blond cos the other dont exsist
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Neo
Member
Registered: 20th Feb 07
Location: Essex
User status: Offline
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What's a corsa's favourite book?
Vauxhallows And Amazons
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Matt H
Member
Registered: 11th Sep 01
Location: South Yorkshire
User status: Offline
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What do you call an elephant with a spade?
Dawn French
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Rachel H
Member
Registered: 12th Nov 03
Location: Berks
User status: Offline
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OHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
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CoastalCorsa
Member
Registered: 7th Jan 05
Location: Lancashire
User status: Offline
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Sorry, I gotta interupt your shit jokes with this one - I like
Jack and Jill - A lesson on how NOT to conduct your wedding night.
Jack was about to marry Jill and his father took him to one side and said, You'll like this one !!
"When I got married to your mother the first thing I did when we got home was to take off my trousers. I gave them to your mother and told her to try them on, which she did. They were enormous on her and she said to me that she couldn't possibly wear them, as they were too large.
I said to her, "Of course they are too large for you. I wear the trousers in this family and I always will. Ever since that day we have never had a single problem".
Jack took his father's advice to heart and as soon as he got Jill alone after the wedding, he did the same thing. He took off his trousers and handed them to Jill and told her to try them on. When she did she said "I can't wear these, they're far too large for me".
"Exactly" Jack replied "I wear the trousers in this family and I always will. I don't want you to ever forget that".
Then Jill took off her knickers and gave them to Jack. "Try these on Jack" she said, so he tried them on but they were too small.
"I can't get into your knickers" said Jack. So Jill said "Exactly, and if you don't change your f****** attitude, you never will!"
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rossnomore
Member
Registered: 18th Oct 06
Location: Fife
User status: Offline
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rossnomore
Member
Registered: 18th Oct 06
Location: Fife
User status: Offline
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why did the blonde take sandpaper to the desert??
she thought it was a map
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Eck
Premium Member
Registered: 17th Apr 06
Location: Lundin Links, Fife
User status: Offline
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quote:
Originally posted by nathy_87
Two Blondes walk into a building surley one of them would of seen it
FLOL
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Hammer
Member
Registered: 11th Feb 04
User status: Offline
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Whats blue and rapes children?
Me in my lucky blue suit.
This joke was told to me by my wee cousin training to be a primary teacher
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