Hammer
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Registered: 11th Feb 04
User status: Offline
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quote:
Originally posted by Jamie-C
A woman takes her dog to the vet to see why its sick
She gives the dog to the vet and she asks whats wrong, The vet replys "Sorry im going to have to put the dog down.
She starts crying and asks why, the vet replies "Its to heavy"
Not bad, not bad 
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gez bay
Member
Registered: 14th Feb 08
Location: South Wales drives: Vxr
User status: Offline
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BLONDE PAINT JOB
A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.
"Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"
The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?"
The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch."
A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
"You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats. "Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."
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Dione J
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Registered: 22nd Sep 04
Location: West Midlands Drives: Leon Cupra Turbo
User status: Offline
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^ That's blatently copied and pasted out of a website
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Luke
Member
Registered: 9th Dec 05
Location: Oxford Drives:Corsa B C20LET
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You should be on a stage.
Sweeping it.
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Eck
Premium Member
Registered: 17th Apr 06
Location: Lundin Links, Fife
User status: Offline
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A young lad is put in jail for shoplifting. He walks into his cell for the first time, and looks around. There is a bunk bed with a massive black man on the top bunk, so he walks over and lies on the bottom bunk.
The massive black man jumps off the top bunk, pulls down his trousers and starts swinging his huge cock. He says You know what I'm gonna do with this boy?" and swings it like a whip, breaking the sink. He then says again "You know what I'm gonna do with this boy?", swings it, and breaks the toilet. He says a third time "You know what I'm gonna do with this boy? I'm gonna fuck you with it" The boy sighs and says "Oh thank fuck, I thought you were going to hit me with it!"
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gianluigi
Member
Registered: 9th Mar 05
Location: Ipswich, Suffolk
User status: Offline
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d_jay50 WTF are these sh1t jokes about 
Dont give up your day job*
*Annoying females on u2u
[Edited on 10-12-2008 by gianluigi]
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dan-sport
Member
Registered: 9th Oct 07
Location: Bushbury, West Midlands
User status: Offline
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jesus walks into a bar and orders tap water, the barman says "oh no you don't, your paying wine prices like everybody else"
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dan-sport
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Registered: 9th Oct 07
Location: Bushbury, West Midlands
User status: Offline
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a man walks into a pub and orders 3 pints, then takes a sip from each one in turn. you now if you ordered just one at a time they wouldn't go flat said the barman
i now said the bloke but i drink this way to honour my 2 brothers, we all live in different countries and agreed to drink like this to remember the good times us 3 had, the barman respects this and says nothing more untill a few weeks later the man comes in and orders 2 pints instead of his normal 3, the barman says sorry for your loss the man says don't worry everybody is ok i've just quit drinking
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Ren
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Registered: 16th Oct 04
User status: Offline
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...................
^
You misplaced these in your post dan-sport
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mart08uk
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Registered: 10th Jan 08
Location: N/A
User status: Offline
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lol
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Mike GSi
Member
Registered: 3rd Jan 07
Location: Ipswich, Suffolk Drives:Astra VXR
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i still dont get the first one 
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mattwhite
Member
Registered: 22nd Jun 03
Location: Northamptonshire
User status: Offline
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man and wife are driving down a country road when all of a sudden they hear a bang.
The man gets out and finds a skunk lying in the road. It’s hardly moving so he picks it up and takes it over to the car.
The man says to his wife "put this between your legs we need to take it to the vets as soon as possible"
The wife replies "i will, but it stinks!!!!"
The man then says "hold its nose then!"
............................ 
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