--Dave--
Banned
Registered: 17th Feb 04
Location: Essssseeeeex Drives: Black Supra TT
User status: Offline
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'Yeah, well you're ugly and your mum dresses you funny' was a popular retort to the pronoucement that your dad is gay. The small yet significant flaw is that it does not of course deny that your dad is a homosexualist, but in fact almost seems to confirm it.
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--Dave--
Banned
Registered: 17th Feb 04
Location: Essssseeeeex Drives: Black Supra TT
User status: Offline
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"As a means of "getting the immaturity out of the way", on the first day of our sex education, all the boys were told to write every word they knew for 'vagina' on the black board. Out came bearded clam, hairy axe wound et al. Then all the girls were asked to write every word they knew for 'penis'. Unfortunately, they were all too shy.
So Mr. Scandrett, in his infinite wisdom, decided that the boys should just go ahead and write all the words they knew for 'penis'. Cue shrieks of embarrassment from the girls, culminating in one of the more sensitive ones suddenly running out of class, crying.
The name that set her off? - 'purple-headed custard chucker', which was then shouted at her at random moments throughout the rest of the year."
OMFG
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Dee
Banned
Registered: 19th Sep 01
User status: Offline
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This has inspired me to write my memoirs from school, I am up to year 9
Year 8 Maths Mr Capel with Alex, Ryan & Whitehouse usually descended into mocking Mr Capel the pinhead with the bumming machine built into the wall that he used to bounce off of when trying to explain equations to us. Alex skating around the room in his Speedie Nitros and the disgusting apple that managed to remain in the room 3 years after being thrown against the cupboard door.
Year 8 German with Miss Wolfe who hated Richie Howell, Alex telling me to stop pretending that my pens and pencils were spaceships and our puffer jackets that were almost the same.
Year 8 Science with Mr Burrows & Mr Montondow, oh my god this was the lesson that turned me. I no longer cared about work and only destruction and disturbance. Sitting at the back of the class with Ryan, Cserfvalvi, Charlie, Natalie & Mitchell. Mr Burrows had absolutely no control of our class, I cannot remember specifics from it apart from the time we dissected a pigs eye, although the dissecting soon became boring and throwing the eyeballs at each other was far more entertaining, even more so when Cserfvalvi copped one in the face. Oh, and the continuing feud between Charlie Chetty and Cserfvalvi started in this lesson. Then Mr Montondo for reasons unknown to us started teaching us, sorry rephrase that, attempted to teach us. Cserfvalvi would often mutter obscenities regarding his colour under his breath toward him often resulting in Mr Montondo throwing Cserfvalvi out of the class, the fact that Mr Montondo could hardly speak English was equally amusing. Another memory from that class was whilst Mr Montodo tried to teach us, we were crouched behind the desk taking turns to get off with Natalie and Charlie, Natalie was a better kisser.
Year 8 English with Mrs Sparkes, Jesus she was a strange old character, it was most amusing when Johnnie Bristow the boy that used to carry a computer around with him managed to end up in our class, the boy couldn't even read (doesn't say a lot for me does it being in a class with someone that couldn't read) It was rumoured that Mrs Sparkes hated monkeys and her husband had died, we put these two facts together and decided that her husband had died after monkeys had eaten him alive.....yet to be confirmed 13 years later.
Year 8 Technology with Mr Burns, strange that whilst going through this period of transition from caring about school to wanting to kill the teachers and burn the place down Mr Burns seems to have have escaped my attention in year 8, maybe because Ryan, Cserfvalvi, Mitchell or Whitehouse weren't in my class. Mr Burns would soon be on the receiving end of our wrath...more on that later.
Year 8 Music, Mr Wood. Is it possible for one person to have such disgusting breath and teach a more useless pathetic subject and wear the most hideous jumpers and drive the sh1ttest car known to human kind. He was/is an idiot, the most hilarious thing I have EVER seen happened in this lesson, after catching Mitchell talking after repeatedly being told not to he was then forced to SING to the entire class, ponder that for a second, if he had carried this through he would have never lived it down, so what did Mitchell do? Walked out, Mitchell 1 Mr Woods 0 and cue hysterics from us. Then that same lesson Cserfvalvi smacked Peter Haste in the jaw, not sure if it was because Peter wanted to hear Mitchell sing, or because Cserfvalvi just didn't like him, I think it was the latter. Mr Woods once attempted to discipline Alex McDonald by giving him an after school detention on the last day of term, which happened to be a half day which meant spending nearly 3 hours with Mr Woods, needless to say Alex never attended the after school and Mr Woods never got to bum Alex, which we all knew was the reason he wanted to spend so long with Alex.
Moving onto Year 9, the best year.
I have to start with Year 9 Science, this lesson I shall never forget, it was simply the best, no debate about it. In this lesson were, Me, Ryan, Cserfvalvi, Mitchell, Ross Overton, Charlie, Natalie, & Greg Walker & a host of other trouble makers, whoever decided to put us in a class together after the performance in year 8 I congratulate them. The first lesson of the year was science and we had got a new teacher, we were his first class, his name was Mr Thompson and after 1 lesson with us I think he had decided that teaching was a bad idea. We all got in there, fighting over stalls close to gas taps. This was the year that Greg went from being a fanny who liked working and dobbing us in, to joining in with us, he made the right choice. Straight away after settling down all the pencil cases out etc those that were stupid enough to have purchased metal pencil cases were soon regretting that decision, Greg's was the first one to be destroyed, placed under a stall and flattened to pieces, I'm not sure Mr Thompson could believe his eyes and no one was disciplined for it, Greg was annoyed, we laughed. The rest of the year for Greg was spent trying to straighten his pencil case out. Mitchell's pencil case then suffered a similar fate, he bought a new one, that was bad idea as that received the same fate as the previous one. We seemed to have Science everyday, it was great. We used to turn up for that lesson excited about what was going to happen next, often we were split apart, only after 5 minutes we were sat next to each other again and Mr Thompson seemed to forget that only 5 minutes previous he has split us up. The day that we decided that the room needed re decorating was a classic, first up the fountain pens were out and pen flicking started, lucky this was the last lesson of the day on a Thursday as Mitchell & Cserfvalvi came out covered, in their hair, all over their shirts, Richie was the one I felt sorry for as he only had one shirt and had to come to school the next day still covered in ink as it wasn't his day for weekly bath. One of us (probably Cserfvalvi) decided that a compass was a good tool for lifting tiles off the floor, slowly after a few days at it on our side of the class all the tiles had been lifted and Mr Thompson was oblivious to it, they never did get replaced. While that was going on the number of stalls in the classroom had started to decline as well, we had found a way of pulling them apart discreetly and they started stacking up inside a cupboard that was obviously never checked, until one day Cservalvi stupidly pulled a stall apart then put it back together in a fashion that if sat on it would crumble to pieces, queue Richie Howell coming along and sitting on it and falling flat on his arse and then start crying, we pi$$ed ourselves, that was when Mr Thompson discovered the dismantled stalls and Ryan and Cserfvalvi got sent to Mr Silverthorne's office and got a belting from him, they behaved for half a lesson then decided that was far to boring. That lesson then developed into further mayhem when Mr Thompson attempted to teach us sex education, he just knew it wasn't going to work from the outset. He had a box full of items used when teaching sex education, they got stolen and were never seen until lunch break when the condoms were used as water bombs or thrown into peoples sandwiches or attempted to be pulled over Cserfvalvi's head. I'm not sure what happened to the femidom, I have a feeling Mitchell used it....
The lesson that Ross called Mr Thompson a fat bastard was excellent, Ross even asked Mr Thompson outside for a fight, Mr Thompson was scared, we could see it. I'll never forget this lesson, so much happened and I wish I could remember every lesson we had with Mr Thompson because they were superb, when I die, I don't want to go to heaven, I want to go back to year 9 science with Mr Thompson and all that attended his class in 1996/97.
Moving on to Year 9 Maths with Miss Lily. In this lesson were, Me, Daley, Imran, Ross, Alexis, Kelly Brewerton and a host of other lunatics. At first people fancied Miss Lily, she was young and blonde, then we decided much like Science that messing around was far more interesting then learning about triangles and equations that would never be used. Miss Lily even had her own song which was orchestrated by Daley, "Quire boys 1,2,3... Stop giving me so much grief" see, not that impressive on its own, but when the entire class unites into song after Miss Lily's plea for silence and that we "stop giving her so much grief" hilarity ensues. I think after 1 year she left Little Heath, another career mistake.
Year 9 Technology with Mr Burns was entertaining only because it was the only lesson I paid attention in because I got to squirt PVA glue over people, again Mr Burns and myself still had a working relationship, this was all to change in a few months time.
Year 9 IT with Mrs Grey, what a old battle axe, I'm not even sure she was a teacher or just someone they found sat at a bus stop. She used to wear knitted jumpers with puffins on EVERY FCUKING DAY OF THE WEEK. Alex McDonald and myself were in this class together and that normally meant that the rest of the class would learn nothing whilst we reigned supreme. Most lesson were spent trying to break the computers or hack into 6th formers work and destroy it, often we would succeed. We discovered a internal messaging system on the computer and found a list of everyone's usernames including the teachers, which meant logging onto the messaging service as a teacher and sending explicit messages to teachers from other teachers, often Mr Thompson would seen to be sending messages to Mr Woods the music teacher asking for bum sex behind the cycle sheds at lunch time, you get the picture. Me and Alex once spent a double lesson hidden under a large corner table after answering our names to the register, she didn't even notice the goon.
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Hammer
Member
Registered: 11th Feb 04
User status: Offline
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I had Mrs O'Hara or Cathy as she was affectionately known by me and my mate Colin for Higher English. Although we were the 2 biggest troublemakers in the class she seemed to think we were the 2 nice boys as we used to bring her fags sometimes.
Anytime we were bored i used to ask if she would read us a few chapters of some piece of shit novel no one was actually interested in. I'd stand at the front of the class and hold the back turning the pages as she went. Unbeknown to her i would skip back 5 or 6 pages and make her re-read what she had already said, which confused her no end to the point i think she thought she was going insane.
This reached a heady crescendo when it was coming close for time for our year to leave for pastures new, the tramps to drop kids and the geeky kids to become their bosses. Me and my mate Colin had already set the trap by stealing all the novels from the cupboard putting them in the bin outside the window and setting it alight. We then asked her, as usual, to read a few chapters of the shite novel which deep down i think delighted her as she thought we took genuine pleasure in hearing her gravelly tones recite Shakespearan tragedies. This time however the only tragedy taking was place was her own personal one, as she soon realised there was a fire in the outside bin and no books in the cupboard.
I think a little bit of Cathy died that day but me and Colin were kings amongst our fellow peers so we cared not.
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gianluigi
Member
Registered: 9th Mar 05
Location: Ipswich, Suffolk
User status: Offline
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that guy's a legend
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Hammer
Member
Registered: 11th Feb 04
User status: Offline
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That guy is me 
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gianluigi
Member
Registered: 9th Mar 05
Location: Ipswich, Suffolk
User status: Offline
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was talking about the guy in ollie's post, havent read your one yet 
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Hammer
Member
Registered: 11th Feb 04
User status: Offline
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oh
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Dee
Banned
Registered: 19th Sep 01
User status: Offline
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Finnished
Year 8 Maths Mr Capel with Alex, Ryan & Whitehouse usually descended into mocking Mr Capel the pinhead with the bumming machine built into the wall that he used to bounce off of when trying to explain equations to us. Alex skating around the room in his Speedie Nitros and the disgusting apple that managed to remain in the room 3 years after being thrown against the cupboard door.
Year 8 German with Miss Wolfe who hated Richie Howell, Alex telling me to stop pretending that my pens and pencils were spaceships and our puffer jackets that were almost the same.
Year 8 Science with Mr Burrows & Mr Montondow, oh my god this was the lesson that turned me. I no longer cared about work and only destruction and disturbance. Sitting at the back of the class with Ryan, Cserfvalvi, Charlie, Natalie & Mitchell. Mr Burrows had absolutely no control of our class, I cannot remember specifics from it apart from the time we dissected a pigs eye, although the dissecting soon became boring and throwing the eyeballs at each other was far more entertaining, even more so when Cserfvalvi copped one in the face. Oh, and the continuing feud between Charlie Chetty and Cserfvalvi started in this lesson. Then Mr Montondo for reasons unknown to us started teaching us, sorry rephrase that, attempted to teach us. Cserfvalvi would often mutter obscenities regarding his colour under his breath toward him often resulting in Mr Montondo throwing Cserfvalvi out of the class, the fact that Mr Montondo could hardly speak English was equally amusing. Another memory from that class was whilst Mr Montodo tried to teach us, we were crouched behind the desk taking turns to get off with Natalie and Charlie, Natalie was a better kisser.
Year 8 English with Mrs Sparkes, Jesus she was a strange old character, it was most amusing when Johnnie Bristow the boy that used to carry a computer around with him managed to end up in our class, the boy couldn't even read (doesn't say a lot for me does it being in a class with someone that couldn't read) It was rumoured that Mrs Sparkes hated monkeys and her husband had died, we put these two facts together and decided that her husband had died after monkeys had eaten him alive.....yet to be confirmed 13 years later.
Year 8 Technology with Mr Burns, strange that whilst going through this period of transition from caring about school to wanting to kill the teachers and burn the place down Mr Burns seems to have have escaped my attention in year 8, maybe because Ryan, Cserfvalvi, Mitchell or Whitehouse weren't in my class. Mr Burns would soon be on the receiving end of our wrath...more on that later.
Year 8 Music, Mr Wood. Is it possible for one person to have such disgusting breath and teach a more useless pathetic subject and wear the most hideous jumpers and drive the sh1ttest car known to human kind. He was/is an idiot, the most hilarious thing I have EVER seen happened in this lesson, after catching Mitchell talking after repeatedly being told not to he was then forced to SING to the entire class, ponder that for a second, if he had carried this through he would have never lived it down, so what did Mitchell do? Walked out, Mitchell 1 Mr Woods 0 and cue hysterics from us. Then that same lesson Cserfvalvi smacked Peter Haste in the jaw, not sure if it was because Peter wanted to hear Mitchell sing, or because Cserfvalvi just didn't like him, I think it was the latter. Mr Woods once attempted to discipline Alex McDonald by giving him an after school detention on the last day of term, which happened to be a half day which meant spending nearly 3 hours with Mr Woods, needless to say Alex never attended the after school and Mr Woods never got to bum Alex, which we all knew was the reason he wanted to spend so long with Alex.
Moving onto Year 9, the best year.
I have to start with Year 9 Science, this lesson I shall never forget, it was simply the best, no debate about it. In this lesson were, Me, Ryan, Cserfvalvi, Mitchell, Ross Overton, Charlie, Natalie, & Greg Walker & a host of other trouble makers, whoever decided to put us in a class together after the performance in year 8 I congratulate them. The first lesson of the year was science and we had got a new teacher, we were his first class, his name was Mr Thompson and after 1 lesson with us I think he had decided that teaching was a bad idea. We all got in there, fighting over stalls close to gas taps. This was the year that Greg went from being a fanny who liked working and dobbing us in, to joining in with us, he made the right choice. Straight away after settling down all the pencil cases out etc those that were stupid enough to have purchased metal pencil cases were soon regretting that decision, Greg's was the first one to be destroyed, placed under a stall and flattened to pieces, I'm not sure Mr Thompson could believe his eyes and no one was disciplined for it, Greg was annoyed, we laughed. The rest of the year for Greg was spent trying to straighten his pencil case out. Mitchell's pencil case then suffered a similar fate, he bought a new one, that was bad idea as that received the same fate as the previous one. We seemed to have Science everyday, it was great. We used to turn up for that lesson excited about what was going to happen next, often we were split apart, only after 5 minutes we were sat next to each other again and Mr Thompson seemed to forget that only 5 minutes previous he has split us up. The day that we decided that the room needed re decorating was a classic, first up the fountain pens were out and pen flicking started, lucky this was the last lesson of the day on a Thursday as Mitchell & Cserfvalvi came out covered, in their hair, all over their shirts, Richie was the one I felt sorry for as he only had one shirt and had to come to school the next day still covered in ink as it wasn't his day for weekly bath. One of us (probably Cserfvalvi) decided that a compass was a good tool for lifting tiles off the floor, slowly after a few days at it on our side of the class all the tiles had been lifted and Mr Thompson was oblivious to it, they never did get replaced. While that was going on the number of stalls in the classroom had started to decline as well, we had found a way of pulling them apart discreetly and they started stacking up inside a cupboard that was obviously never checked, until one day Cservalvi stupidly pulled a stall apart then put it back together in a fashion that if sat on it would crumble to pieces, queue Richie Howell coming along and sitting on it and falling flat on his arse and then start crying, we pi$$ed ourselves, that was when Mr Thompson discovered the dismantled stalls and Ryan and Cserfvalvi got sent to Mr Silverthorne's office and got a belting from him, they behaved for half a lesson then decided that was far to boring. That lesson then developed into further mayhem when Mr Thompson attempted to teach us sex education, he just knew it wasn't going to work from the outset. He had a box full of items used when teaching sex education, they got stolen and were never seen until lunch break when the condoms were used as water bombs or thrown into peoples sandwiches or attempted to be pulled over Cserfvalvi's head. I'm not sure what happened to the femidom, I have a feeling Mitchell used it....
In Mr Thompson's class there were dead animals that were placed inside glass containers and kept from decomposing by something that resembled piss, one day we thought it would be a excellent idea to get all these animals, rats, rabbits, birds, pigs and place them around the school, our fun then turned to despair when the pig that was placed above the big outside the science block fell off the bin and smashed on the floor, queue 30 odd girls screaming and us running away in fear of being dobbed on, luckily we never got dobbed on, and we never saw Mr Piggy ever again.
The lesson that Ross called Mr Thompson a fat b@stard was excellent, Ross even asked Mr Thompson outside for a fight, Mr Thompson was scared, we could see it. I'll never forget this lesson, so much happened and I wish I could remember every lesson we had with Mr Thompson because they were superb, when I die, I don't want to go to heaven, I want to go back to year 9 science with Mr Thompson and all that attended his class in 1996/97.
Moving on to Year 9 Maths with Miss Lily. In this lesson were, Me, Daley, Imran, Ross, Alexis, Kelly Brewerton and a host of other lunatics. At first people fancied Miss Lily, she was young and blonde, then we decided much like Science that messing around was far more interesting then learning about triangles and equations that would never be used. Miss Lily even had her own song which was orchestrated by Daley, "Quire boys 1,2,3... Stop giving me so much grief" see, not that impressive on its own, but when the entire class unites into song after Miss Lily's plea for silence and that we "stop giving her so much grief" hilarity ensues. I think after 1 year she left Little Heath, another career mistake.
Year 9 Technology with Mr Burns was entertaining only because it was the only lesson I paid attention in because I got to squirt PVA glue over people, again Mr Burns and myself still had a working relationship, this was all to change in a few months time.
Year 9 IT with Mrs Grey, what a old battle axe, I'm not even sure she was a teacher or just someone they found sat at a bus stop. She used to wear knitted jumpers with puffins on EVERY FCUKING DAY OF THE WEEK. Alex McDonald and myself were in this class together and that normally meant that the rest of the class would learn nothing whilst we reigned supreme. Most lesson were spent trying to break the computers or hack into 6th formers work and destroy it, often we would succeed. We discovered a internal messaging system on the computer and found a list of everyone's usernames including the teachers, which meant logging onto the messaging service as a teacher and sending explicit messages to teachers from other teachers, often Mr Thompson would seen to be sending messages to Mr Woods the music teacher asking for bum sex behind the cycle sheds at lunch time, you get the picture. Me and Alex once spent a double lesson hidden under a large corner table after answering our names to the register, she didn't even notice the goon.
Then Year 10 came along, and with Year 10 came a new head of year, Mrs Turner. Somehow throughout Year 9 the year that all of us created merry hell we never ever once got called to see Mr Osborne our year 9 head of year, we thought we were immune, oh how wrong we were...
So Year 10 came along, and somehow we just knew that were going to be wise to our antics the year before. We were correct in our thinking.
Year 10 Science was split between physics and biology, Me & Ryan were kept together but were put in a class full of dumb @rses and people with the sense of humour of a nat, Mitchell ended up with Anom & Daley in another class, Cserfvalvi had somehow managed to be put into a class full of mensas. Whitehouse got put in a higher set & we never saw Charlie Jones again.
So me & Ryan got Mrs Rocky for Physics, that lesson was pointless, we neither learnt anything or messed around it just wasn't as funny the two of us, but we did however manage to rewrite the entire Neighbours script and Helen Daniels death scenes, which were legendary. Biology was with a small lesbian lady, the lesson was so cack I cannot even remember her name, all I know is that she shouted, I got sent out and in the end I spent lesson time outside Mrs Turners office.
Year 10 English, now after the massive disappointment of being split up from Science lessons came the realisation that somehow somewhere someone had fcuked up badly as now me, Greg, Whitehouse and a new member Parr Parr as big as a car had been put together into English with another new teacher who was of the same stupidity of Mr Thompson, his name, Mr Cooke. Oh the joys this lesson would bring, we sat along the back of my year 7 form room on a table of 4, me and Whitehouse in the middle, Greg & Parr on our flanks. Up front of the class was moose pig Kate something or other, she was fat and moaned a lot. Often when tormenting Mr Cooke got boring we would torment her, her response consisted of "Your so immature, grow up" "We want to get good grades" the last time I had any kind of interaction with the moose pig I was earning more than her which confirms you cannot teach stupid people. Paper fights were the order of the day in English with the lads in the corner, they were a good bunch and we had a good rapport with them. One English lesson we decided to spend the lesson in the cupboard and announce ourselves to the class halfway through the lesson, often we would do this and Mr Cooke wouldn't even notice that we had been missing for half a lesson.
Year 10 Maths I was again split up from my friends and put in a entirely new class, the lesson was easy and soon I became bored, boredom for me is dangerous. Miss Richards was our teacher, my initial reaction was she was fit, then I saw her top lip had more hair on it than me and her breath stunk like a coffee mate, she was hideous. I think she felt threatened by me, I got the impression she had been warned about me and my behaviour and she decided she was going to be the one to break me, in the end I broke her and she left before the start of our last year, I think the pinnacle was when I stapled her jumper to the wall.
Year 10 History, now if someone had made a major fcuk up by putting me and Whitehouse together in English, someone had made a even bigger mistake with my favourite lesson, History. Me, Ryan, Whitehouse, Greg & Parr were put together in History with Mr Simpson, in some ways our behaviour in this class was worse than Year 9 Science, I think we wanted to see just how far we could push our luck. We sat at the back to start with, that was until Mr Simpson discovered someone had force fed his computer a marmite sandwich and covered the heater in ink and started to smoke, badly. We then got moved to the front but stupidly not split up. Mr Simpson had a very odd pronunciation of the word Poland, maybe he got bummed by a Polish migrant worker and couldn't bring himself to pronounce it correctly, either way we jumped on it and drove him to despair with it. Year 10 History was laugh a minute lesson, until one day Whitehouse farted and I got thrown out into another class, wheres the justice in that? Whitehouse farted I have to join a remedial class and see out my days sitting next to Dodgie the Brazilian who had white parents.
Year 10 PE lessons were superb, everyone was together in this, Me, Ryan, Cserfvalvi, Mitchell, Whitehouse, Greg, Parr and anyone else that we had adopted on our legendary destruction spread for the past year or so. We got to choose what we wanted to do for the entire year, we chose football, football, football & football. I used to be fit and run the wings, Ryan up front, Cserfvalvi in goal who once decided to score an owl goal by kicking the ball accidentally against Alan Hawkett and the ball returning into the back of the net. Mitchell, Whitehouse & Greg weren't really into football by because we were there we had a laugh. Winter was always a laugh when we returned from the playing fields and saw the big puddles of mud, I think Cserfvalvi was the first to throw the mud ball and hit Mitchell on the head, after that all hell broke loose, we spent the rest of the day smelling like a pig farm, we didn't do school showers, they were gay.
Year 10 RE, now me and Mr Burns my tech teacher for the past 3 years always had a fairly good relationship....until now. Imagine this, a teacher with no control, in a lesson about religion in a tech room complete with hacksaws, screwdrivers and heavy objects, throw in a couple of ethnic minority pupils and some down right ugly girls and you have anarchy on your hands. Me, Mitchell, Ryan and couple of new additions to the group, McCartney & Alvarado who could do an absolutely superb impression of Mr Burns. And thats where it all started, we could flick Mr Burns switch in a second, the minute Alvarado started up with his rendition of "Uhhh Year 10 please be quiet" and we were away, we spent the rest of the lesson sawing legs off chairs, chasing the Indian boy around the class to the point he actually screamed like a girl. The ugly girls in the corner received a constant barrage of abuse, one looked like a sandbag, one looked like a sergeant major, one looked like both the FA Cup & a pigeon. The most impressive act of our secondary school life happened in this class, at the end of Year 10 our last lesson of the day was RE, Mr Burns had given up trying to teach us the difference between Muslims and Sikhs and instead decided that sipping coffee in the staff room and leaving us to our own devices was a much better option, he soon lived to regret this decision. On that fateful last lesson we managed to destroy 12 stalls by sawing the legs off and putting them back together with PVA glue so that if ever used again death would occur. We smashed the cupboard where all the posh drawing pencils were kept and tipped Mr Burns desk over along with every class he teaches workbooks on top, that was when we discovered some 6 form coursework awaiting to be sent away for grading, now who in their right mind decides to take RE as a further education subject? We decided only idiots would and therefore their coursework should be burnt, it was stolen from the lesson and burnt to a cinder. We were rebels.
Year 10 Business Studies, a new lesson that I choose to pursue in Year 10, I was put in a class with Mitchell, Whitehouse & Par and a load of intelligent people, we were out of place in this lesson. I think I lasted 2 lessons before being pulled up to the front of the class away from the others, I sat at the front next to Miss Flynn, she was Irish and smelt like tuna. She took a dislike to us straight away. One lesson we were asked to do a presentation on enterprise, as we hadn't listened to a single word that had ever come out of Miss Flynn's mouth we came up with our own take on what we thought was enterprise. So we drew pictures, wrote a fantastic presentation and were ready to present it. It came to us we got up, put our impressive A3 sheet on the blackboard and started to giggle like little girls, we had decided that the Starship Enterprise should be our subject and we were going to talk for 5 minutes all about it, except we never got to 5 minutes, we didn't even get to 5 seconds before all of us being thrown out of the class giggling like girls and forced to present our presentation to the 6th formers, I decided against this course of action and instead went home.
Then we move onto my 5th and final year, Year 11.
I was set to be getting a new form tutor in Year 11, a Mr Fletcher, an evil old man. Before the end of term in Year 10 he called me to his art room for a chat, I got up there wondering what the hell this old fool wants. In his hand he had all my detention slips & all my report cards for the past 2 years, he told me on no uncertain terms that he won't be putting up with any of this, I ignored him and left. Spotting the possible storm clouds if I had remained in this idiots form, Mrs Turner moved me into a form with Ryan, Mitchell & Cserfvalvi, this was a bad idea and I would have thought Mrs Turner would have seen this, she didn't however and Year 11 began.
We stayed in all the same classes except maths, I had the deputy head of the school take our maths class, that fcuker bullied me, if I ever see him again I will be taking a giant dump on him. On a plus point, after it became apparent me and my new Maths teacher were not going to see eye to eye, I was pulled out of Maths and sat outside Mrs Turners office with the other juvenile delinquents. I turned 16 in the October of 1998 and I got myself a moped, in retrospect this was a bad idea, my days at school were coming to an end.
Year 11 was a strange year, lessons were no longer lessons just revision time, and to me that seemed like an excellent opportunity to go ape, good job my peers felt the same way. Science I was moved class again and was split up from Ryan, the remaining link from Year 9 Science had been broken, but I was put in a class with Anom & Richie, Anom was a character in himself, his laugh is enough to set me off in hysterics even now. One Science lesson Anom was chasing Richie around the room, when Anom caught hold of his shirt and with it came the entire sleeve of his shirt, we wet ourselves, Richie wasn't best pleased as it was his only shirt.
Once I had the freedom of my moped, I became friends with a couple older lads who had left school along with friends my age Mitchell, Barker & Norton this that meant only 1 thing. No more attending school and days out on mopeds became more frequent. Even when I was at school nothing was done, no revision, no mock tests. The teachers had given up all hope by that point. Year 11 German was with Mr Harding, he was disciplinarian and we couldn't get away with a thing, so seeing as we couldn't express ourselves in this lesson we decided to simply not attend it anymore, bit difficult when he was the head of languages and your new form tutor was a German teacher.... I never got caught, Mitchell did, infact Mitchell always got caught, he was an easy target.
The exams came around, I came to school for them as they were fun, sitting in a silent room letting off anal burps whilst everyone is concentrating was most amusing, obviously not for the idiot sat behind me taking the higher exam paper who was knocked out from my foul stench, that will teach him.
Exams came to an end and the last day of term came around, I was looking forward to this so much, such an opportunity to get our own back on all the teachers that had curtailed our fun for the past 5 years, plans were hatched and the day was waited upon with baited breath.
The day came and our ink filled water pistols were used to great effect during our last assembly, running around breaking what ever we could find was quite hilarious, Mr Cooke got covered in Ink, he wasn't pleased, we didn't care. But our best laid out plans never came to frustration due to the fact we realised this was going to be our last day that all of us will be together in a place where we would be able to get away with our ridiculous behaviour, this started to sink in and we wanted to congratulate all those that had been involved in our debacle over the past 4 years, we signed each other shirts, took pictures and had a good time, then the day was over. The Bull Horn at Little Heath School was where our little circle finally came to an end, and we had to grow up from this point and get out into the real world.
Everyday since I left that school I feel like my life has progressively got worse, certain things improve but the friendship we developed back then won't ever be replicated again, I miss school and I find it hard to take that my life has peeked at the age of 16. They were the days of my life.
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gianluigi
Member
Registered: 9th Mar 05
Location: Ipswich, Suffolk
User status: Offline
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FPMSL Oliver i just read it all with great amusement
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Dee
Banned
Registered: 19th Sep 01
User status: Offline
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Small multi-couloured puffed sugar rice. On sale at the breaktime tuck shop for 5p a bag. Contained enough E-Numbers to fell a mechanical horse. Guaranteed to induce raging spasms, violent behaviour, and epileptic fits in anyone fortunate enough to try some. And that's before you even get started on the name.
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