All Torque
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Registered: 17th Nov 05
Location: Milton Keynes Drives: Ford Focus TDCi
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Read my joke you bastards  
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Kellye
Member
Registered: 23rd Aug 06
Location: southport, Drives:
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This ones a bit long but made me laugh
Speed Limit
Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeders, a State Policeman sees a car puttering along at 22 miles per hour. He thinks to himself, "This driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!"
So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over. Approaching the car, he notices that there are five blondes - two in the front and three in the back of the car - wide-eyed and white as ghosts.
The driver is obviously confused, and says to him, "Officer, I don't understand, I was doing exactly the speed limit! What seems to be the problem?"
"Ma'am," the officer replies, "you weren't speeding, but you should know that driving slower than the speed limit can also be a danger to other drivers."
"Slower than the speed limit? No sir, I was doing the speed limit exactly - twenty-two miles an hour," the old woman said proudly.
The State Police officer, trying to contain a chuckle explains to her that "22" was the route number, not the speed limit. A bit embarrassed, the woman grinned and thanked the officer for pointing out her error.
"But before I let you go, Ma'am," the officer says, "I have to ask... Is everyone in this car okay? These women seem awfully shaken and they haven't muttered a single peep this whole time."
"Oh, they'll be all right in a minute, officer. We just got off Route 119."
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Fro
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Registered: 20th Jun 06
Location: Rainham, Essex Drives: A3 2.0TDi Sport
User status: Offline
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The sentence "The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog." uses every letter in the alphabet.
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Fro
Member
Registered: 20th Jun 06
Location: Rainham, Essex Drives: A3 2.0TDi Sport
User status: Offline
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quote:
Originally posted by All Torque
Duck walks into a bar.
Duck: got any bread?
Barmaid: no
Duck: got any bread?
Barmaid: NO
Duck: got any bread?
Barmaid: NO, We only sell crisps and beer
Duck: got any bread?
Barmaid: NO. Order something else or i'll nail your fucking beak to the wall!
Duck: got any nails?
Barmaid: No
Duck: got any bread?...
 That one is pretty good!
you got that cd changer hooked up yet petey?
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Fro
Member
Registered: 20th Jun 06
Location: Rainham, Essex Drives: A3 2.0TDi Sport
User status: Offline
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More pointless facts for you 
The only 15 letter word that can be spelled without repeating a letter is uncopyrightable.
No word in the English dictionary rhymes with month, orange, silver and purple.
A duck's quack doesn't echo, and no-one knows why.
Months that begin on a Sunday will always have a "Friday the 13th."
The longest one-syllable word in the English language is screeched.
Apples, not caffeine, are more efficient at waking you up in the morning.
A pack-a-day smoker will on average lose 2 teeth, every 10 years.
When you sneeze, all bodily functions stop...even your heart.
Your feet are bigger in the afternoon than the rest of the day.
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Ben G
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Registered: 12th Jan 07
Location: Essex
User status: Offline
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Your feet are bigger in the afternoon than the rest of the day.
wtf? i want to know what kind of people make these studies
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Kellye
Member
Registered: 23rd Aug 06
Location: southport, Drives:
User status: Offline
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I like this one...
Blonde Car
A blonde made several attempts to sell her old car. She was having a lot of problems finding a buyer, because the car had 340,000 miles on it. She discussed her problem with one of her friends.
Her friend suggested, "There may be a way of selling that car, but it's not going to be legal."
"That doesn't matter at all," replied the blonde. "All that matters it that I am able to sell this car."
"Right," replied her friend, "here is the address of a friend of mine. He owns a car repair shop around here. Tell him I sent you, and he will turn the counter back on your car to 40,000 miles. Then it shouldn't be a problem to sell your car."
The following weekend, the blonde took a trip to the mechanic on her friend's advice.
About one month after that, her friend saw the blonde and asked, "Did you sell your car?"
"No," replied the blonde. "Why should I? It only has 40,000 miles on it."
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Fro
Member
Registered: 20th Jun 06
Location: Rainham, Essex Drives: A3 2.0TDi Sport
User status: Offline
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!!
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loubielou
Member
Registered: 14th Jan 07
Location: North Finchley, Greater London
User status: Offline
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Kellye
Member
Registered: 23rd Aug 06
Location: southport, Drives:
User status: Offline
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I shouldnt be posting them cos I am blonde haha but I thought they where funny 
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willay
Moderator
Organiser: South East, National Events
Premium Member
Registered: 10th Nov 02
Location: Roydon, Essex
User status: Offline
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All Torque
Member
Registered: 17th Nov 05
Location: Milton Keynes Drives: Ford Focus TDCi
User status: Offline
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quote:
Originally posted by fro-dizzle
quote:
Originally posted by All Torque
Duck walks into a bar.
Duck: got any bread?
Barmaid: no
Duck: got any bread?
Barmaid: NO
Duck: got any bread?
Barmaid: NO, We only sell crisps and beer
Duck: got any bread?
Barmaid: NO. Order something else or i'll nail your fucking beak to the wall!
Duck: got any nails?
Barmaid: No
Duck: got any bread?...
That one is pretty good!
you got that cd changer hooked up yet petey?
Nope, well.. yeah. I got no sound out of it. but that black cable gave it power to open and close, just cant hear anything.
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Kellye
Member
Registered: 23rd Aug 06
Location: southport, Drives:
User status: Offline
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Blonde Repair Kit
Josh was helping Sally, a blonde, clean out the trunk of her car. Inside, he noticed a bag labeled "Emergency Repair Kit". Looking at it a little closer, he noticed a stick of dynamite inside. Thinking that was a bit strange, he asked Sally what it was for.
She said, "It's part of my emergency repair kit."
Josh said, "I can see that, but why?"
Sally replied, "In case I have a flat and need to blow up one of my tires."
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Kellye
Member
Registered: 23rd Aug 06
Location: southport, Drives:
User status: Offline
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quote:
Originally posted by willay
Stop picking on me 
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willay
Moderator
Organiser: South East, National Events
Premium Member
Registered: 10th Nov 02
Location: Roydon, Essex
User status: Offline
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stop flirting you bunch of sluts
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Kellye
Member
Registered: 23rd Aug 06
Location: southport, Drives:
User status: Offline
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Who's flirting?
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Fro
Member
Registered: 20th Jun 06
Location: Rainham, Essex Drives: A3 2.0TDi Sport
User status: Offline
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quote:
Originally posted by All Torque
quote:
Originally posted by fro-dizzle
quote:
Originally posted by All Torque
Duck walks into a bar.
Duck: got any bread?
Barmaid: no
Duck: got any bread?
Barmaid: NO
Duck: got any bread?
Barmaid: NO, We only sell crisps and beer
Duck: got any bread?
Barmaid: NO. Order something else or i'll nail your fucking beak to the wall!
Duck: got any nails?
Barmaid: No
Duck: got any bread?...
That one is pretty good!
you got that cd changer hooked up yet petey?
Nope, well.. yeah. I got no sound out of it. but that black cable gave it power to open and close, just cant hear anything.
That's not good, are the rca cables you are using ok?
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drbeansri
Member
Registered: 10th Dec 06
Location: Hertfordshire / Plymouth
User status: Offline
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im gonna get LOADS of beer for pvs soon... yay
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willay
Moderator
Organiser: South East, National Events
Premium Member
Registered: 10th Nov 02
Location: Roydon, Essex
User status: Offline
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insurance for the cooper s came out at just shy of £2k
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loubielou
Member
Registered: 14th Jan 07
Location: North Finchley, Greater London
User status: Offline
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arse raped
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willay
Moderator
Organiser: South East, National Events
Premium Member
Registered: 10th Nov 02
Location: Roydon, Essex
User status: Offline
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yeah, going to hear whats going on about tax too
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loubielou
Member
Registered: 14th Jan 07
Location: North Finchley, Greater London
User status: Offline
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arse rapeed again?
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Fro
Member
Registered: 20th Jun 06
Location: Rainham, Essex Drives: A3 2.0TDi Sport
User status: Offline
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He's use to it
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willay
Moderator
Organiser: South East, National Events
Premium Member
Registered: 10th Nov 02
Location: Roydon, Essex
User status: Offline
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well I'm not paying for insurance, the car, the car tax. So I need to pay for something
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loubielou
Member
Registered: 14th Jan 07
Location: North Finchley, Greater London
User status: Offline
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dont be silly, if youre not paying for all that then why pay for one thing? silly imo. make them pay the whole lot
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