Dione J
Member
Registered: 22nd Sep 04
Location: West Midlands Drives: Leon Cupra Turbo
User status: Offline
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A duck walks into a pub and orders a pint of beer and a ham sandwich.
The barman looks at him and says, "Hang on! You're a duck."
"I see your eyes are working," replies the duck.
"And you can talk!" exclaims the barman.
"I see your ears are working, too," says the duck. "Now if you don't mind, can I have my beer and my sandwich please?"
"Certainly, sorry about that," says the barman as he pulls the duck's int. "It's just we don't get many ducks in this pub. What are you doing round this way?"
"I'm working on the building site across the road," explains the duck. "I'm a plasterer."
The flabbergasted barman cannot believe the duck and wants to learn more, but takes the hint when the duck pulls out a newspaper from his bag and proceeds to read it.
So, the duck reads his paper, drinks his beer, eats his sandwich, bids the barman good day and leaves.
The same thing happens for two weeks.
Then one day the circus comes to town.
The ringmaster comes into the pub for a pint and the barman says to him "You're with the circus, aren't you? Well, I know this duck that could be just brilliant in your circus. He talks, drinks beer, eats sandwiches, reads the newspaper and everything!"
"Sounds marvellous," says the ringmaster, handing over his business card. "Get him to give me a call."
So the next day when the duck comes into the pub the barman says, "Hey Mr. Duck, I reckon I can line you up with a top job, paying really good money."
"I'm always looking for the next job," says the duck. "Where is it?"
"At the circus," says the barman.
"The circus?" repeats the duck.
"That's right," replies the barman.
"The circus?" the duck asks again. "That place with the big tent?"
"Yeah," the barman replies.
"With all the animals who live in cages, and performers who live in caravans?" says the duck.
"Of course," the barman replies.
"And the tent has canvas sides and a big canvas roof with a hole in the middle?" persists the duck.
"That's right!" says the barman.
The duck shakes his head in amazement, and says .. . .
"What the f*** would they want with a plasterer??!"
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Tom
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Registered: 3rd Apr 02
Location: Wirral, Merseyside
User status: Offline
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MatthewR
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Registered: 21st Oct 02
Location: Rickmansworth
User status: Offline
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all that reading i just wasted my eyes on!
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Jamie-C
Member
Registered: 3rd Jun 08
Location: Ballycastle
User status: Offline
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Poor
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l15ter
Member
Registered: 1st Feb 08
Location: Berkshire
User status: Offline
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not funny
infact it was a waste of time
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Jamie-C
Member
Registered: 3rd Jun 08
Location: Ballycastle
User status: Offline
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And that was pointless
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Eck
Premium Member
Registered: 17th Apr 06
Location: Lundin Links, Fife
User status: Offline
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 I chortled.
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Kyle T
Premium Member
Registered: 11th Sep 04
Location: Selby, North Yorkshire
User status: Offline
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love it
Lotus Elise 111R
Impreza WRX STi
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Mobby
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Registered: 31st Dec 07
Location: Leicestershire
User status: Offline
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im 50 50
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MJFF88
Member
Registered: 30th Apr 08
User status: Offline
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Hi 50 50 \o.. I'm MJFF88
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Hammer
Member
Registered: 11th Feb 04
User status: Offline
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What would happen if the duck got 'quack'ed for drinking on the job? 
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MJFF88
Member
Registered: 30th Apr 08
User status: Offline
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quote:
Originally posted by Hammer
What would happen if the duck got 'quack'ed for drinking on the job?
Your coat.. Its over there
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Hammer
Member
Registered: 11th Feb 04
User status: Offline
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Give me a break I was winging it.
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DC90
Member
Registered: 14th Nov 07
Location: Bedfordshire
User status: Offline
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That joke was a quacker. 
Edit - I'm lying, it was shit.
[Edited on 10-12-2008 by DC90]
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Huwsi
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Registered: 27th Apr 07
Location: Bangor, Gwynedd
User status: Offline
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I laughed
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Hammer
Member
Registered: 11th Feb 04
User status: Offline
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quote:
Originally posted by DC90
That joke was a quacker.
Edit - I'm lying, it was shit.
[Edited on 10-12-2008 by DC90]
I thought it was eggcellent.
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Dione J
Member
Registered: 22nd Sep 04
Location: West Midlands Drives: Leon Cupra Turbo
User status: Offline
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Kul Klux Klan kidnap a black man, they take him to warehouse where they give him a dice, the leader says "roll the dice, if you get 1, 2, 3, 4 or 5 were gonna blow ya f**king head off"
the black man says "what if i throw a 6" the leader says "then you get another go"
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Jamie-C
Member
Registered: 3rd Jun 08
Location: Ballycastle
User status: Offline
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Huwsi
Member
Registered: 27th Apr 07
Location: Bangor, Gwynedd
User status: Offline
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quote:
Originally posted by Dione J
Kul Klux Klan kidnap a black man, they take him to warehouse where they give him a dice, the leader says "roll the dice, if you get 1, 2, 3, 4 or 5 were gonna blow ya f**king head off"
the black man says "what if i throw a 6" the leader says "then you get another go"
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Hammer
Member
Registered: 11th Feb 04
User status: Offline
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You here every Wednesday Dione?
I'll remember to give CS a miss
[Edited on 10-12-2008 by Hammer]
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DC90
Member
Registered: 14th Nov 07
Location: Bedfordshire
User status: Offline
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quote:
Originally posted by Hammer
quote:
Originally posted by DC90
That joke was a quacker.
Edit - I'm lying, it was shit.
[Edited on 10-12-2008 by DC90]
I thought it was eggcellent.
funniest thing in this thread yet 
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Hammer
Member
Registered: 11th Feb 04
User status: Offline
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I'm here every Wednesday folks 
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Dione J
Member
Registered: 22nd Sep 04
Location: West Midlands Drives: Leon Cupra Turbo
User status: Offline
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quote:
Originally posted by Hammer
I'm here every Wednesday folks
damn 
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Jamie-C
Member
Registered: 3rd Jun 08
Location: Ballycastle
User status: Offline
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A woman takes her dog to the vet to see why its sick
She gives the dog to the vet and she asks whats wrong, The vet replys "Sorry im going to have to put the dog down.
She starts crying and asks why, the vet replies "Its to heavy"
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DC90
Member
Registered: 14th Nov 07
Location: Bedfordshire
User status: Offline
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I vote Hammer to take over the wednesday jokes tbh.
Out with Dione!
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