BluKoo
Member
Registered: 8th Apr 02
Location: Stonehaven (Scotland)
User status: Offline
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They're not all brilliant, but i enjoyed some of them.
What's black and screams like a bitch?
Stevie Wonder answering the iron...
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There was a blonde driving down the road one day. She glanced to her right and noticed another blonde sitting in a nearby field, rowing a boat with no water in sight.
The blonde angrily pulled her car over and yelled at the rowing blonde, "What do you think you're doing? It's things like this that give us blondes a bad name. If I could swim, I'd come out there and kick your butt!"
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*controvensial*
What's better than winning the paralympics?
Having legs!!
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A man drives past in a car one day, and see's a blonde standing in a field.
He yells, "Hey you stupid blonde what you doing?"
She replies, "I'm getting me a nobel prize."
He says, "What for, you fool?"
She then shouts, "I hear they give them to people outstanding in their field!"
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one day i was at home, watching the news, when suddenly there was a knock at the door.
i went outside to find an old woman, who said to me
"hello there, i just wanted to ask you a question"
"sack it" i thought, "what do i have to lose?"
so she asked me whether i prefered brown or white bread, to which i replied
"white of course, i hate the seeds and grains you get in brown, and the white is so much smoother."
she the proceeded to lecture me on the benefits of brown, and why i should eat brown, until it hit me.
She was a hovis witness.
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A vampire bat came flapping in from the night;
face all covered in fresh blood and parked himself
on the roof of the cave to get some sleep.
Pretty soon all the other bats smelled the blood
& began hassling him about where he got it. He told
them to p*ss off & let him get some sleep,
but they persisted until he finally gave in.
'OK, follow me', he said & flew out of the cave
with hundreds of excited bats behind him.
Down through a valley they went, across a river
& into a huge forest.
Finally he slowed down & all the other bats
excitedly milled round him,
tongues hanging out for blood.
'Do you see that large oak tree over there?' he asked.
'YES, YES, YES!!!' the bats all screamed in frenzy.
'Good for you!' said the bat, 'Because I f**king didn't!'
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Grannies meet at bingo,
1st grannie: Hi, did you come on the bus?
2nd grannie: Yes...but i disguised it as an athsma attack
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A recent survey in England asked the following question to a 1000 ordinary people :
Are there too many foreigners in this country now ?
Answer:
20% said : Yes
10% said : No
70% said : можете вы сказать мне где востребовать свободно
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Matt L
Member
Registered: 17th Apr 06
User status: Offline
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 @ some of them
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MatthewR
Member
Registered: 21st Oct 02
Location: Rickmansworth
User status: Offline
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Shocking!
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Scotty_B
Member
Registered: 11th Jun 03
Location: East Kilbride
User status: Offline
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Theham85
Member
Registered: 29th Nov 06
Location: Brisbane Queensland
User status: Offline
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Theham85
Member
Registered: 29th Nov 06
Location: Brisbane Queensland
User status: Offline
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Why did the baker have smelly hands?
Because he kneaded a poo, (got to get out more )
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BluKoo
Member
Registered: 8th Apr 02
Location: Stonehaven (Scotland)
User status: Offline
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@ the baker one
Did you hear about the constipated maths teacher? (who hasn't)
He worked it out with a pencil.
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MatthewR
Member
Registered: 21st Oct 02
Location: Rickmansworth
User status: Offline
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Whats the difference between an Egg and Wank?
You can beat an Egg
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dan-h
Member
Registered: 28th Jan 06
User status: Offline
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why did the little girl fall off the swing??
because she had no arms
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mikenoncorsa
Member
Registered: 27th Sep 06
Location: Worcester
User status: Offline
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When did Pinnochio first realise he was made of wood??
When he had a wank and his hand caught fire
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Eck
Premium Member
Registered: 17th Apr 06
Location: Lundin Links, Fife
User status: Offline
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What do you get hanging from trees?
Sore arms
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Jakey
Premium Member
Registered: 4th Jun 07
Location: Sandbach
User status: Offline
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quote:
Originally posted by Eck
What do you get hanging from trees?
Sore arms
I heard this the other day but didnt undestand, explain please  
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BluKoo
Member
Registered: 8th Apr 02
Location: Stonehaven (Scotland)
User status: Offline
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quote:
Originally posted by Jakey
quote:
Originally posted by Eck
What do you get hanging from trees?
Sore arms
I heard this the other day but didnt undestand, explain please
If you were hanging from a tree for ages, you would have sore arms.
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Jakey
Premium Member
Registered: 4th Jun 07
Location: Sandbach
User status: Offline
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quote:
Originally posted by BluKoo
quote:
Originally posted by Jakey
quote:
Originally posted by Eck
What do you get hanging from trees?
Sore arms
I heard this the other day but didnt undestand, explain please
If you were hanging from a tree for ages, you would have sore arms.
 Oh yeah, i remember it from years ago, its so bad i forgot it
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BluKoo
Member
Registered: 8th Apr 02
Location: Stonehaven (Scotland)
User status: Offline
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Whats got 6 legs and would kill you if it fell from a tree...
a snooker table.
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Dione J
Member
Registered: 22nd Sep 04
Location: West Midlands Drives: Leon Cupra Turbo
User status: Offline
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2hmP3g5YTBA&feature=related
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All Torque
Member
Registered: 17th Nov 05
Location: Milton Keynes Drives: Ford Focus TDCi
User status: Offline
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How did Brixton council improve public transport?
They moved all the trees closer together.
*Grabs coat*
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Hammer
Member
Registered: 11th Feb 04
User status: Offline
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quote:
Originally posted by Dione J
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2hmP3g5YTBA&feature=related
What do you call a sex pest on cs?
Edit: Sorry Dione mate seem to have quoted you there by mistake
[Edited on 29-05-2008 by Hammer]
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Shelly
Premium Member
Registered: 15th Nov 00
Location: Lancashire Drives: Astra H VXR
User status: Offline
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bloke says to wife
"your arse is the size of a 3 burner BBQ",
later in bed he says
"fancy a shag?"
wife says "no point in lighting a BBQ for half a frickin sausage"
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Shelly
Premium Member
Registered: 15th Nov 00
Location: Lancashire Drives: Astra H VXR
User status: Offline
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why can't a man ever please a woman?
because no man has a dick made of chocolate that can ejaculate money!
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Eck
Premium Member
Registered: 17th Apr 06
Location: Lundin Links, Fife
User status: Offline
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LMFAO at the Serious Owl And Shelly, seem to hold a grudge against men?
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Shelly
Premium Member
Registered: 15th Nov 00
Location: Lancashire Drives: Astra H VXR
User status: Offline
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the woman who sends me them does...
i haven't found a decent one yet though...
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Lynny
Member
Registered: 3rd Jan 03
Location: oop north! Where people talk properly
User status: Offline
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www.sickipedia.org
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Richie B
Member
Registered: 18th Apr 04
Location: Newcastle
User status: Offline
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What happened to the cross-eyed circumcisor?
He got the sack.
[Edited on 30-05-2008 by Richie B]
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deano87
Member
Registered: 21st Oct 06
Location: Bedfordshire Drives: Ford Fiesta
User status: Offline
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What's worse than 10 babies in a bin?
1 baby in 10 bins
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