Russ
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Registered: 14th Mar 04
Location: Armchair
User status: Offline
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both crap, but
why did god invent thrush?
so women could get used to annoying twats before marrying one
why does snoop carry an umbrella
for the drizzle my nizzle
i'll get my coat...
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N3CRO
Member
Registered: 12th Apr 07
Location: Sandy, Bedfordshire
User status: Offline
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HAHAHAHA.....
... no wait, they weren't funny 
[Edited on 10-04-2008 by Necromancer]
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Russ
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Registered: 14th Mar 04
Location: Armchair
User status: Offline
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i never said they were
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12vStig
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Registered: 23rd Dec 07
User status: Offline
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tbf drizzle ma nizzle made me grizzle...bizzle
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Mein Herr
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Registered: 29th Jan 08
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God calls Fernando Torres, Lionel Messi and Christiano Ronaldo (ct) for an audience.
He questions their belief.
Ronaldo says 'Footy be the food of life'
and God sits him to his left
Messi Says 'Courage, Honour and Passion on the pitch'
and God sits him to his right.
He says to Torres 'What do you believe in my son?'
And Torres replies
'I believe you are sitting in my seat.'
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Russ
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Registered: 14th Mar 04
Location: Armchair
User status: Offline
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quote:
Originally posted by Mein Herr
God calls Fernando Torres, Lionel Messi and Christiano Ronaldo (ct) for an audience.
He questions their belief.
Ronaldo says 'Footy be the food of life'
and God sits him to his left
Messi Says 'Courage, Honour and Passion on the pitch'
and God sits him to his right.
He says to Torres 'What do you believe in my son?'
And Torres replies
'I believe you are sitting in my seat.'
so god gets off the toilet and pisses on Torres as he sits down
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Mein Herr
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Registered: 29th Jan 08
User status: Offline
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A man gets home from work and says to his wife
'Get me a beer before it starts' he drinks it then says
'Quick get me another before it starts'
again she gets a drink he drinks it and says
'Another before it starts'
At this she says
'Listen you fat lazy twat, you walk in sit down and start barking orders....'
He says
'Fuck me its started!'
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gavin18787
Premium Member
Registered: 22nd Feb 05
Location: Basildon, Essex
User status: Offline
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What do you call a man with a seagull on his head?
Cliff
Drives supercharged Tec with torque  
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Jambo
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Registered: 8th Sep 01
Location: Maidenhead, Drives: VXR Arctic
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richardworrall
Premium Member
Registered: 20th Sep 05
Location: Derby
User status: Offline
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what do you call a man with the bottom part of his legs cut off?
neil
[Edited on 10-04-2008 by richardworrall]
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12vStig
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Registered: 23rd Dec 07
User status: Offline
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+ you call
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16V_1600
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Registered: 7th Oct 07
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Top effort Russ......................
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loubielou
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Registered: 14th Jan 07
Location: North Finchley, Greater London
User status: Offline
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both those first ones made me laugh 
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jamez_zz
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Registered: 9th Nov 06
Location: Hullywood
User status: Offline
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im still laughing after 5mins at that Neil one.
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Russ
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Registered: 14th Mar 04
Location: Armchair
User status: Offline
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quote:
Originally posted by loubielou
both those first ones made me laugh
can we breed 
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loubielou
Member
Registered: 14th Jan 07
Location: North Finchley, Greater London
User status: Offline
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quote:
Originally posted by Russ
quote:
Originally posted by loubielou
both those first ones made me laugh
can we breed
now?
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Russ
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Registered: 14th Mar 04
Location: Armchair
User status: Offline
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god ur so pushy. i need space please Lou, maybe another time
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Kurt
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Registered: 23rd Oct 05
Location: Hi
User status: Offline
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How do you get a fat girl into bed??
piece of cake
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johnhara1
Member
Registered: 19th Oct 06
Location: Newcastle upon Tyne
User status: Offline
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West yorkshire police have been questioning Shannon Mathews mum. Not about why Shannon disappeared but how the fuck she managed to get 5 blokes to shag her!
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andy1868
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Registered: 22nd Jun 06
Location: Burscough, Lancashire
User status: Offline
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how do you get 1000 elephants in safeway?
you take the 'A' out of 'safe' and the 'F' out of 'way'
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N3CRO
Member
Registered: 12th Apr 07
Location: Sandy, Bedfordshire
User status: Offline
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Heres a joke I found quite funny...
The year is 2222, and a human couple are taking their first trip to Mars.
While there, they meet two Martians and the four of them get talking. They discuss the differences between Earth and Martian politics, technology, society - until finally the conversation turns to sex.
"Just how do you Martians do it?" asks the woman.
"Pretty much the way you do," respond the Martian couple.
After a few drinks, the four of them decide to try out a wife swap and check into a Martian motel.
The human woman and the Martian male disappear into the first available room, and he strips instantly to reveal his teeny, weenie willy, about half an inch long and just a quarter inch thick.
"I don't think this is going to work," sighs the woman. "It's just not long enough."
"No problem," bleeps the Martian, and proceeds to slap his forehead with his palm.
With each slap, his willy grows another inch, until it's really quite impressive.
"That's definitely an improvement," says the woman, "but it's still pretty narrow..."
Immediately, the Martian starts pulling his ears. With each tug, his willy widens until he measures up nicely. "Wow!" exclaims the woman, "that's the biggest I've seen". And they fall into bed and make mad, passionate love.
The next day the couples meet up with their partners and go their separate ways.
"How was it for you?" the man asks his wife.
"I hate to say it," she replies, "but it was pretty mind-blowing. How about you?"
"Horrible," he replies. "She kept slapping my forehead and pulling my ears."
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Brabus
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Registered: 25th Oct 07
User status: Offline
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quote:
Originally posted by andy1868
how do you get 1000 elephants in safeway?
you take the 'A' out of 'safe' and the 'F' out of 'way'
i dont get it?
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strick206
Member
Registered: 12th Apr 07
Location: Wigan Drives:Integra DC5
User status: Offline
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A recent report said that 60% of 13 year old girls from liverpool regularly binge drink.
That's shocking - who's looking after their kids
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flybikeslee
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Registered: 2nd Jan 07
Location: Liverpool
User status: Offline
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quote:
Originally posted by Brabus
quote:
Originally posted by andy1868
how do you get 1000 elephants in safeway?
you take the 'A' out of 'safe' and the 'F' out of 'way'
i dont get it?
me neither
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AdZ9
Member
Registered: 14th Apr 06
User status: Offline
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nor me :/
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