Crutey
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Registered: 14th Nov 01
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Right guys and girls, this is undoubtedly going to sound petty and i know you all dont care but i need advice and to get it off my chest.
Ive been rowing with the missus over the last couple of days.
Im not posting my side of it all to get a load of yeah your right or yeah shes a nob replies.
In fact im sure its my stubborn ways that caused it but hear me out and please give me your honest opinion of the situation.
Saturday we were on a night out and i decided to have a quick go on a fruit machine.
She came over and hit a few buttons, i asked her not to and she did it again.
She did this 3 or 4 times before storming off.
I went over and asked what was wrong, she ignored me and refused to speak to me,
Half an hour later in the taxi queue i said listen what is the problem and she told me she didnt see what the big deal was and it was only a fruit machine.
I tried to explain that it wasnt the fruit machine but the fact that i asked her not to do somethin, she did it anyway, and seemed to be tellin me she couldnt see how that was a valid point.
I got a bit frustrated at this and tried to have another go at explainin. She started shoutin half way thru me talkin, she said somethin along the lines of 'right so its all my fault'.
I said no and that if she would let me finish she would not have to guess at what i was tryin to say. To this she replied 'right so you just want a gf who will shut up and always do what you say and never question you' i told her that wasnt the case at all but we just went round in circles.
in the end we sorted it out and appologised to each other.
Then yesterday she txt at around 11pm after not txtin all day, sayin am i just paranoid or have you gone off me cos you never txt any more.
I explained that i was in court all day where i couldnt use my phone, then got back to the office and had loads of paper work to sort out, then left work and went straight to trainin so couldnt have txt if i wanted to.
I eventually went to sleep and at half 1 in the mornin with the words 'right so im not paranoid but you used to txt me loads an now it seems like you cant be arsed, would be nice if you had the balls to tell me what was goin on.
So this mornin i txt her sayin ive so not gone off her its untrue and i dont understand where this is comin from, short of quittin my job and not goin trainin any more i dont know what to do.,
to that she said its not unreasonable to expect a txt every now and then. that it was fine and shes sure i will be able to find some time for her in my busy schedule one day.
i said it was unreasonable to not take work commitments etc as a valid reason for not constantly txtin, she replied that its not unreasonable to expect some kind of contact and that if i dont have any time for her then she has none for me its that simple.
To which i replied that im not suggestin wantin me to keep in touch is unreasonable but the reaction to my comments is unreasonable and irrational. I told her she was bein unfair.
She then came back with how is expectin you to txt me bein unfair. So i once again said its not the point im makin im sayin your reaction to this whole situation is unfair.
The pedantic side of me reared its ugly head at this point.
I told her that i expected nothing more than a reply sayin that it was ok and its all her fault as usual and not to worry, the usual oh right so now its all my fault that i always get from her.
to that she said 'dont tell me what im sayin! ur clearly not listenin to anythin im sayin if you think that, and its still not irrational to expect the odd txt off you.
I got really annoyed then and tried to explain that the point im makin is that she is doin the same to me, instead of listenin to the point i am makin she is assumin what i mean, which she is gettin wrong, and respondin to me in an unfair way based on that misjudgment.
To this she said she had enough arguin and didnt want me to give her a mouthful every time she raises an issue. To which i said i wasnt wantin to argue with her and if she looked back this started cos she kicked off about not gettin txts on what is one of my busiest days of the month, i was simply, in my eyes, trying to make the point that maybe that was a bit unfair.
To which she said 'oh my god, how is expectin txts off you bein unfair? just because i have said it in a way that makes you take notice, i dont want to fall out over this but please dont labour under the false impression that patronising me will get u anywhere'
So i replied saying that once again my point is not about the request for more txts but the reaction to my trying to justify why i hadnt txt as much yesterday, and try to get her to listen to my point instead of tellin me what her interpretation of my point was. I also asked her to explain what eaxactly about what i said was patronisin.
she then came back sayin when have i tried to tell you what your sayin?
So i said so tellin me i want a gf who will agree with everythin i say or that im tryin to say its all her fault isnt tellin me what im sayin then? and then, being the twat i am, i thought i would do it to her see what reaction i got. Ended with but dont worry about it, i have learned my lesson, you are right, i will never disagree with you again.
To which i got
Oh grow up, any implication i made that i felt u were blamin me was a misinterpretation on your part and nothin to do with me, i dont have time for this, im not arguin over somethin so petty.
So to this i replied that i had been making that very point all day and getting nowhere so to see what reaction i got i told her what she would tell me in the same situation and she reacted the same way i had. I told her i dont know how such an intelligent woman cant see that, suggested she look back thru her txts and see. I then suggested that when she can find time for me to let me know and i will go round cos im sick of txtin, to this i got the word fine.
Now i know all of this will be biased because im obviously gonna think im right but i am worried that maybe all this is my doin and i just cant see it.
Please be honest with me, and feel free to slate me all you want if im wrong.
Sorry about the essay, cheers for reading.
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Robin
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Registered: 7th Jan 04
Location: Northants Drives: Clio 182 Cup
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jump ship.
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sigibbons
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Registered: 10th Feb 04
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ESSAY!
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JadeM
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Registered: 9th Feb 06
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I got bored reading half way through but it seems the 'honeymoon' period is over & she doesnt like it!! Basically you both need to deside what you want & stop being petty!!!
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Shelly
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Registered: 15th Nov 00
Location: Lancashire Drives: Astra H VXR
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quote:
Originally posted by Crutey
Saturday we were on a night out and i decided to have a quick go on a fruit machine.
Thats just out of order.
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Jay
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Registered: 26th Sep 04
Location: Liverpool
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I started reading that and thought wonder how long it is then fuuuuck that  sorry but I cant comment
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oli_h
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Registered: 3rd Apr 05
Location: Bedfordshire, Sandy
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no its not you, my birds exactly the same pisses me right off! as i was reading i was thinking to my self wait this sounds rather familiar just like one of many arguments like ours, girls so stubborn these days its unreal, your lucky to find a laid back girl
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Shelly
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Registered: 15th Nov 00
Location: Lancashire Drives: Astra H VXR
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Tom, she sounds like she is wanting some attention.
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Crutey
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Registered: 14th Nov 01
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Shelly, i expected that to come up, i only went on it cos she was talkin to one of my mates, who was sleazin, and i wasnt standin on my own in a bar while she got chatted up so i went on it. And i would have happily taken on board that it was out of order, but she didnt say that, she wasted the money i had put in it, wouldnt speak to me and then instead of sayin that was out of order and i would of said ok sorry we ended up rowin
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Lynny
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Registered: 3rd Jan 03
Location: oop north! Where people talk properly
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maybe scared of losing you, has issues from past relationship(s) where shes been cheated on/ignored or whatever and just thinks its goina happen again, so lets this rule her life? if this is the case and you cant take it, then finish, its best for both of you. if you think youre the one who can change her mind and help her, then stick in
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Haimsey
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Registered: 8th May 05
Location: Nottingham Drives: Corsa B
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i read it all rob 
i read the first bit and it is so similar to becca, all i did was ask her to not rev my car to 6k revs while it was cold and i got the exact same moody silence, which then turned into an arguement over how i care more about my car than her  
when all i was trying to say was that i didnt expect her to do it again because i asked her not to
[Edited on 23-08-2006 by Haimsey]
Marcy Marc
White Sport Progress Thread
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Jules S
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Registered: 24th Dec 03
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quote:
Originally posted by Shelly
quote:
Originally posted by Crutey
Saturday we were on a night out and i decided to have a quick go on a fruit machine.
Thats just out of order.
Agreed.
She must have felt top drawer being put into second place by a fruity
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Matt L
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Registered: 17th Apr 06
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i read it all aswell and it just makes me want to be single for longer. i cant comment really cause ive forgottin what most of the start was about. oops
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Shelly
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Registered: 15th Nov 00
Location: Lancashire Drives: Astra H VXR
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well doesnt she think its out of order for your mate to be perving on her infront of you? Sounds like once he'd finished with her she thought she needed some more attention. Kinda thing a child would do, pushing the buttons.
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Crutey
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Registered: 14th Nov 01
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quote:
Originally posted by lynny_sxi
maybe scared of losing you, has issues from past relationship(s) where shes been cheated on/ignored or whatever and just thinks its goina happen again, so lets this rule her life? if this is the case and you cant take it, then finish, its best for both of you. if you think youre the one who can change her mind and help her, then stick in
Nail on the head i think to be honest, she is a big one for sayin that all men are the same and i have to prove her wrong, tells me she is paranoid cos she thought her ex was different and he turned out not to be.
All im askin for is to be judged for me and not based on how her ex was. Its difficult tho cos we are both the type of person who has to win if they think they are right
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schoey
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Registered: 29th Jun 05
Location: Billinghay, Lincolnshire
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ESSAY.COM!!!!
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Crutey
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Registered: 14th Nov 01
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Right so im not allowed to be pissed off that a mate is sleazin on her and shes just allowin herself to be chatted up but shes allowed to go mad over the thing i found to get me away from the situation before i knock my so called mate out and cause more shit?
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Shelly
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Registered: 15th Nov 00
Location: Lancashire Drives: Astra H VXR
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hmm... could be
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Dom
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Registered: 13th Sep 03
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Lesson one, your texting....use the phone more or og round have a chat face to face, works wonders!
Lesson two, shes getting arsey over nothing, but it sounds like she just wants some attention from you - its the same with all women mate, so spend sometime with her, take out for meals, shopping, cinema...basically wine and dine!
Lesson three, i would knock the fook out of your mate and tell him to grow the fuck up for perving over your missus!
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Lynny
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Registered: 3rd Jan 03
Location: oop north! Where people talk properly
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quote:
Originally posted by Crutey
quote:
Originally posted by lynny_sxi
maybe scared of losing you, has issues from past relationship(s) where shes been cheated on/ignored or whatever and just thinks its goina happen again, so lets this rule her life? if this is the case and you cant take it, then finish, its best for both of you. if you think youre the one who can change her mind and help her, then stick in
Nail on the head i think to be honest, she is a big one for sayin that all men are the same and i have to prove her wrong, tells me she is paranoid cos she thought her ex was different and he turned out not to be.
All im askin for is to be judged for me and not based on how her ex was. Its difficult tho cos we are both the type of person who has to win if they think they are right
easy to say but its soooo hard in the situation. im biggest culprate of this. theres some hope or she wouldnt even get in a relationship, but its not easy to just get over it etc, once youve been cheated on etc, or you knwo youre partner has lied to you, especially about something serious, its hard to trust them, and presume the smallest things like them not texting back, or when they go out for nigth with the lads means theyre up to something. you argue about it, then the lass comes across as being posessive/needy when really she just cares but is scared of getting hurt.
as i said, i knwo its not easy for the bloke, but its not easy for the lass either, youve got to be strong and be prepared for arguments etc, if not just walk away, its not doing you any good and its certainly not doing her any good
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Joe
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Registered: 20th Jun 04
Location: Hesketh Bank, Lancashire
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quote:
Originally posted by Dom
Lesson one, your texting....use the phone more or og round have a chat face to face, works wonders!
Agree 100% with this, texting if a nightmare if your having an arguement. Needs to be discussed in person and you'll find you work through it quite easily.
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Dom
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Registered: 13th Sep 03
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another 2 pence, re-reading she sounds a bit of an attention seeker/psycho...no offence or anything, but like shelly said....why was she getting your mate to perv over her? And then annoying you because your "mate" realised he wasn't getting anything from her?
Sounds like someone i know and she has some serious issues
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Jules S
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Registered: 24th Dec 03
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quote:
Originally posted by Crutey
Right so im not allowed to be pissed off that a mate is sleazin on her and shes just allowin herself to be chatted up but shes allowed to go mad over the thing i found to get me away from the situation before i knock my so called mate out and cause more shit?
not wishing to have a pop....but your mate is chatting her up so you go off to play a fruit machine?
She's just trying to get some attention off you 
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Crutey
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Registered: 14th Nov 01
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To be honest i know she is lookin for some attention and i know why she was pissed off, but rather than be straight with me she started a row and now i cant speak to her without it kickin off. Wish she had just said i dont like the fact that you went on a fruit machine and it adds to the feelin that your not givin me much attention and goin off me.
i could deal with that so much easier
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Jules S
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Registered: 24th Dec 03
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quote:
Originally posted by Crutey
To be honest i know she is lookin for some attention and i know why she was pissed off, but rather than be straight with me she started a row and now i cant speak to her without it kickin off. Wish she had just said i dont like the fact that you went on a fruit machine and it adds to the feelin that your not givin me much attention and goin off me.
i could deal with that so much easier
All women think blokes are mind readers
And vice versa.
If the situation arises again...apologise.
You can't both be right, so accept the fall (even if you don't think you need to)
Makes life far easier believe me 
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