Ally
Member
Registered: 2nd Jul 03
Location: Pontypool Drives: a Skoda
User status: Offline
|
Just a few quotations, please add some as im getting myself ready to see him tonight 
i hate that when your dying for a dump. No 'cause it's always worse if ya stayin' at a relatives for the weekend or a friends house, 'cause it comes on even stronger! 'cause you need your own toilet you know, it's like a private thing. You go "OH fuck! If i drop this i'm gonna distroy this fuckin' house!....o, they're gonna be searchin' for the epicentre!"
I CANT SLEEP I GOT NO FUCKIN EYELIDS (fishy bit remember  )
Isnt it funny, there always in the last place you look, well i wouldnt find them, then keep fucking looking!
A copper knocks on your door to give u sum bad news he can't go 'Hello luv hahaha, i'll hold it back, i'll hold it back haha Do you hav a dog HAHAHAHAHA, I'm really sorry!! i can just see his paws stickin out the side of the wheels, fuckin come and hav a look for yourself!
(the TV remote) ...and you bang it - You wouldn't let your car get down to the red and then fuckin' Bang it
" why do they put that little snooze button on top, your gonna use it you know, ive had a long sleep, fuck it, i deserve a nap*presses button and snores* i mean, you wouldn't have one on your fire alarm would ya? the house is on fire! is it? you know what, fuck it *presses button in air* we'll have another 15, we'll burn a bit burn a bit!"
Its like they make you swim in your PJs. In the middle of the night someone shouts "Someones Drowning" you'd Say " I Don't give a Fuck (cary on snoring)"
" How many times have you been making a cup of tea for your wife, and you think she's in another room...and you go..DO YOU WANT A CUP OF T....She's right fucking there! " " No need to shout...I can hear you... "
I'm looking up at the house, and my wife has left the landing light on, "what's that for?"..."burglars"..yeah burglars will walk up to my house and go "ohhh no, they're all gathered on the landin'"..
Cos men never ask, we get a feeling! i got a feeling love. i got a feeling its up here! call it pigeons instinct!!!
When his car breaks down and he asks his wife to push! I caaan't my shoes are Slippiiin!' ALL FUCKIN RIGHT ILL PUSH! Now love, Yeah!! She doesnt know what Now Love fuckin means!! your like now love NOOOW..shes like yeeah! lighting a fuckin cig up! She thinks im going to push her all the way home!
[Edited on 26-10-2005 by Ally]
|
Ally
Member
Registered: 2nd Jul 03
Location: Pontypool Drives: a Skoda
User status: Offline
|
have you ever seen a spider run across a lounge? they're gr8! they've got balaclavas on and a rope around they're waist and they're like [does an impression of a spider] 'go, go, go, go, go!' and if u look at it they go [freezes] 'he cant see me! i am invisible!' then wen it becomes apparant that we can see him he goes 'my invisibility skills are not working!'
|
Ally
Member
Registered: 2nd Jul 03
Location: Pontypool Drives: a Skoda
User status: Offline
|
What are there different types of electric you can buy. You ring up and say "YEAH I WANT STATIC"
|
Ally
Member
Registered: 2nd Jul 03
Location: Pontypool Drives: a Skoda
User status: Offline
|
what dya want?" "eeeeerrrrrrr!!!" burgeerr! "f**kin burger!" "what du want?" du wanna milkshake? chocolate or strawbury? chocolate" no starawwbury strawburry"
|
Ally
Member
Registered: 2nd Jul 03
Location: Pontypool Drives: a Skoda
User status: Offline
|
There's a place that women only know it's called side! Where are the keys? On the side, so i walk into the living room THERE'S 12 F**KING SIDE WHICH F**KING 1 is it? So she walks into the litchen blind on the side on the side!
|
Edd
Member
Registered: 8th Nov 04
Location: Glasgow
User status: Offline
|
not finding these funny even though i think he's hilarious
must be the way he tells them eh
|
--Dave--
Banned
Registered: 17th Feb 04
Location: Essssseeeeex Drives: Black Supra TT
User status: Offline
|
quote:
Originally posted by Edd
not finding these funny even though i think he's hilarious
must be the way he tells them eh
was thinking exactly the same thing myself Edd
|
Ally
Member
Registered: 2nd Jul 03
Location: Pontypool Drives: a Skoda
User status: Offline
|
Certainly is, i am laughing randomly just reading them and remembering the bits from the DVD's, needless to say the other girl in my office thinks im loosing it
|
Tim
Site Administrator
Registered: 21st Apr 00
User status: Offline
|
I saw him in Birmingham last month -- front row
The show was brilliant you'll have a wicked time
(You've got most my favourites above... the car keys one, and the fish not sleeping....)
|
Ally
Member
Registered: 2nd Jul 03
Location: Pontypool Drives: a Skoda
User status: Offline
|
We are 3rd from front so hoping it will be good, in need of a good giggle atm!!!
|
MatthewR
Member
Registered: 21st Oct 02
Location: Rickmansworth
User status: Offline
|
legend
|
Tim
Site Administrator
Registered: 21st Apr 00
User status: Offline
|
It's awesome, although i ended up covered in smoke and his sweat
|
Edd
Member
Registered: 8th Nov 04
Location: Glasgow
User status: Offline
|
quote:
Originally posted by --Dave--
quote:
Originally posted by Edd
not finding these funny even though i think he's hilarious
must be the way he tells them eh
was thinking exactly the same thing myself Edd
dave i think i love you,we are meant to be together i think,im telling my girlfriend i've met someone else tonight so we can be free too
[Edited on 26-10-2005 by Edd]
|
Ally
Member
Registered: 2nd Jul 03
Location: Pontypool Drives: a Skoda
User status: Offline
|
quote:
Originally posted by Tim
It's awesome, although i ended up covered in smoke and his sweat
I swear he takes speed, the sweat was running off him in Wembley all through his suit as well eughhh
|
--Dave--
Banned
Registered: 17th Feb 04
Location: Essssseeeeex Drives: Black Supra TT
User status: Offline
|
how about you just include me in whatever you and your gf get up to?
|
AJP
Member
Registered: 8th Sep 02
Location: Third roof tile on the left
User status: Offline
|
Lee Evans is a comical god
|
Edd
Member
Registered: 8th Nov 04
Location: Glasgow
User status: Offline
|
quote:
Originally posted by --Dave--
how about you just include me in whatever you and your gf get up to?
DP 
|
--Dave--
Banned
Registered: 17th Feb 04
Location: Essssseeeeex Drives: Black Supra TT
User status: Offline
|
quote:
Originally posted by Edd
quote:
Originally posted by --Dave--
how about you just include me in whatever you and your gf get up to?
DP
yesh Edd 
pics of gf please?
|
Ally
Member
Registered: 2nd Jul 03
Location: Pontypool Drives: a Skoda
User status: Offline
|
hijackers 
|
MatthewR
Member
Registered: 21st Oct 02
Location: Rickmansworth
User status: Offline
|
Im going Lee Evans at Wembley 10th dec
|
Jason Iles
Member
Registered: 19th Jun 01
Location: Bristol
User status: Offline
|
I feel I wasted my time reading this thread L(
|
--Dave--
Banned
Registered: 17th Feb 04
Location: Essssseeeeex Drives: Black Supra TT
User status: Offline
|
quote:
Originally posted by Ally
hijackers
make your thread funnier and worth reading next time then 
|
Ally
Member
Registered: 2nd Jul 03
Location: Pontypool Drives: a Skoda
User status: Offline
|
Ill post naked pics for you then Jase however i do not feel this will compensate for your substancial loss 
|
TNM
Member
Registered: 5th Apr 04
Location: Nottingham Drives: VW Tiguan
User status: Offline
|
he has a new suit for each show
Does every one remember Malcom
Malcom. he works for mcdonalds! got to keep the streets clean!
|
Ally
Member
Registered: 2nd Jul 03
Location: Pontypool Drives: a Skoda
User status: Offline
|
quote:
Originally posted by --Dave--
quote:
Originally posted by Ally
hijackers
make your thread funnier and worth reading next time then
Perhaps one about a black condom, that would be absolutely fucking hilarious!
oh wait.
|
