Colin
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Registered: 4th Apr 02
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In todays Record:
'SHOULD we mourn the loss of Woolworths? I think they were lucky to make it this far.
What were their meetings like?
"Yeah that's it, sweeties in the front, lots of sweeties, a good 1000 square feet of prime retail real estate dedicated to one pence chews and strawberry laces.
"Next to them we want paint rollers, hundreds of paint rollers.
But get this, no paint. We'll only sell tiny pots of tester paint, exclusively in shades of grey and luminous orange. And I want one wall, floor to ceiling, with toastie machines, but alternating with size 24 knitted women's blouses. Toastie, blouse, toastie, blouse.
"And wherever there is a space on a shelf, I want it filled by either frying pans, loft ladders or American-sized envelopes that won't take a sheet of A4 no matter how you fold it.
"The only requirement for staffing is they should have either Alzheimer's or an Asbo. If they have both, make them a manager."
How does a business rack up debts of £300million selling pick and mix? Business is simple. Buy something then sell it for more than you bought it for.
What corporate retard bought 300million chocolate mice thinking, "It's pocket money day tomorrow, we are going to be so rich."
Whenever these huge businesses go bust they always end up selling for the nominal sum of £1. How funny would it be for a kid who went in to get a Curly Wurly leaves with 800 shops and £300million of debt?
The first British Woolworths store opened in 1909 in Liverpool.
The story goes that once the doors were opened, the queuing Liverpudlians emptied the entire shop on the first day. Didn't pay for it mind you, just emptied it. Shop security was invented the next day.
Many have said Woolworths was a British institution and I agree. Full of old mad people.
When I was young, Woolworths was an exciting store, where everyone went. In recent years it just began to look like the shop out of Bagpuss.
I also read that the whole of MFI has just collapsed. They obviously used their own furniture.'
 Love his column!
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taylorboosh
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Registered: 3rd Apr 07
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are you bored colin? never seen you post so much lol
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Tommy L
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Registered: 21st Aug 06
Location: Northampton Drives: Audi wagon
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quote:
The first British Woolworths store opened in 1909 in Liverpool.
The story goes that once the doors were opened, the queuing Liverpudlians emptied the entire shop on the first day. Didn't pay for it mind you, just emptied it. Shop security was invented the next day.
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Marc
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Registered: 11th Aug 02
Location: York
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Jay
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Registered: 26th Sep 04
Location: Liverpool
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The MFi comment is good
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Ben G
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Registered: 12th Jan 07
Location: Essex
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brilliant liverpool bit was good.
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Ian W
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Registered: 8th Nov 03
Location: Wirral, Merseyside
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gavin18787
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Registered: 22nd Feb 05
Location: Basildon, Essex
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FLOL at the MFI bit
Drives supercharged Tec with torque  
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Rich H
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Registered: 26th Oct 05
Location: West Sussex Drives: E46 M3
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pmsl. Frankie is bloody funny.
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SVM 286
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Registered: 13th Feb 05
Location: pain
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quote:
Originally posted by Colin
Love his column!
I added nothing.
Evenin Col
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VegasPhil
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Registered: 16th Jan 05
Location: Fareham, Hants Drives: Octavia VRS
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Fucking lol.
I even read it in my head with his voice.
Corsa 2.0 16v Vegas - Sold
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Skylined
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Registered: 27th Sep 05
Location: Sideways, Surrey
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quote:
Originally posted by VegasPhil
Fucking lol.
I even read it in my head with his voice.
ha me too, even funnier in his accent
brilliant and true 
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Fonz
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Registered: 12th May 06
Location: Newbury, Berks
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Skylined
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Registered: 27th Sep 05
Location: Sideways, Surrey
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Link to site if anyone wants to share it
http://www.dailyrecord.co.uk/entertainment/entertainment-catch-all/2008/11/29/wonder-of-woolies-is-how-it-lasted-so-long-86908-20933026/
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Ellis
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Registered: 11th Sep 07
Location: Aberdeenshire
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Had a good old giggle at that 
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dannymccann
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Registered: 9th Aug 06
Location: Doddington, Lincolnshire
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Hes good, as said, I read it with his accent
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danward
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Registered: 14th Nov 06
Location: Northants Drives: C Exclusiv
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Frankie Boyle is a legend! Love his DVD.
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