corsa - gus
Member
Registered: 8th Jan 07
Location: Aberdeen, Scotland
User status: Offline
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The Morning after the Office Party.
Jack woke up with a killer hangover after attending his firm's
Christmas Party.
He didn't even remember how he got home. It's 8.30. What day
is it? Thursday. His wife must have gone to work.
As he struggled into consciousness through the fog of a
pounding headache, his stomach plummeted as he wondered what
the hell he did last night.
He forced himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he saw
was a couple of aspirins next to a glass of water on the side
table. And, next to them, a little vase of sweet peas, freshly
picked from the garden.
He sat up. The bedroom was clean and tidy, - there was no
trail of drunkenly abandoned clothes, fresh air was coming in
through the window and all was serene. He stumbled to the
bathroom, also pristine, and, squinting gingerly into the
mirror, saw that he had a black eye. This was not a good sign,
but no memories were returning.
As he concentrated hard on getting the world into focus, he saw
a post-it note stuck on the corner of the mirror. It was
written in red, with little hearts on it and a kiss from his
wife.
'I'll ring your office and tell them you won't be in today.
Breakfast is in the oven. Try to eat something and go back to
bed for the morning. There's snooker on TV this afternoon.
Take it easy today, hope your eye doesn't hurt too much. See
you tonight. I love you, darling! Love, Jillian. x '
He stumbled to the kitchen and sure enough, there was hot
breakfast, steaming hot coffee and the newspaper. His teenaged
son was sitting at the table, eating.
Jack, bracing himself, asked his son what happened the previous
night.
' Well, you came home after 3 A.M., drunk and out of your mind.
You fell over the coffee table and broke it, and then you puked
in the hallway, and got that black eye when you ran into the
door. '
Confused, he asked his son, 'So, why is everything in such
perfect order, aspirins by the bed, a nice note from Mum and
breakfast waiting for me?'
His son replied, 'Oh THAT!... Mum dragged you to the bedroom,
and when she tried to take your trousers off, you screamed,
'Leave me alone you slapper, I'm married!!'
Broken Coffee Table £250
Hot Breakfast £3.50
Two Aspirins 20p
Saying the right thing, at the right time......PRICELESS
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Ellis
Member
Registered: 11th Sep 07
Location: Aberdeenshire
User status: Offline
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 Quite good that
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Cosmo
Member
Registered: 29th Mar 01
Location: Im the real one!
User status: Offline
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A joke Paul J would be proud of 
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corsa - gus
Member
Registered: 8th Jan 07
Location: Aberdeen, Scotland
User status: Offline
|
This got the whole of Sydney laughing. Read it and you'll see why!
Just
imagine sitting in traffic on your way to work and hearing this. Many
Sydney folks DID hear this on the FOX FM morning show in Sydney .
The DJs play a game where they award winners great prizes. The game is
called 'Mate Match'. The DJs call someone at work and ask if they are
married or seriously involved with someone. If the contestant
answers'yes',he or she is then asked 3 random yet highly personal
questions.
The person is also asked to divulge the name of their partner with
(phone number) for verification. If their partner answers those same =
three questions correctly, they both win the prize.
One particular game, however, several months ago made the Harbour City
drop to its knees with laughter and is possibly the fu nni est thing
you've heard yet.
Anyway, here's how it all went down:
DJ: 'Hey! This is Ed on FOX-FM. Have you ever heard of 'Mate Match'?'
Contestant: (laughing) 'Yes, I have.'
DJ: 'Great! Then you know we're giving away a trip to the Gold Coast
if
you win.
What is your name? First only please.'
Contestant: 'Brian.'
DJ: 'Brian, are you married or what?'
Brian: (laughing nervously) 'Yes, I am married.'
DJ: 'Thank you. Now, what is your wife's name? First only please.'
Brian: 'Sara.'
DJ: 'Is Sara at work, Brian?'
Brian: 'She is gonna kill me.'
DJ: 'Stay with me here, Brian! Is she at work?'
Brian: (laughing) 'Yes, she's at work.'
DJ: 'Okay, first question - when was the last time you had sex?'
Brian: 'About 8 o'clock this morning.'
DJ: 'Atta boy, Brian.'
Brian: (laughing sheepishly) 'Well...'
DJ: 'Question #2 - How long did it last?'
Brian: 'About 10 minutes.'
DJ: 'Wow! You really want that trip, huh? No one would ever have said
that if a trip wasn't at stake.'
Brian: 'Yeah, that trip sure would be nice.'
DJ: 'Okay. Final question. Where did you have sex at 8 o'clock this =
morning?
Brian: (laughing hard) 'I, ummm, I, well...'
DJ: 'This sounds good, Brian. Where was it at?'
Brian: 'Not that it was all that great, but her mum is staying with us
for couple of weeks...'
DJ: 'Uh huh...'
Brian: '...and the Mother-In-Law was in the shower at the time.'
DJ: 'Atta boy, Brian.'
Brian: 'On the kitchen table.'
DJ: 'Not that great?? That is more adventure than theprevious hundred
times I've done it.
Okay folks, I will put Brian on hold, get his wife's work number and
call her up.
You listen to this.'
[ 3 minutes of commercials follow. ]
DJ: 'Okay audience; let's call Sarah, shall we?' (Touch
tones.....ringing....)
Clerk: 'Kinkos.'
DJ: 'Hey, is Sarah around there somewhere?'
Clerk: 'This is she.'
DJ: 'Sarah, this is Ed with FOX-FM. We are live on the air right now
and
I've been talking with Brian for a couple of hours now.'
Sarah: (laughing) 'A couple of hours?'
DJ: 'Well, a while now. He is on the line with us. Brian knows not to
give any\answers away or you'll lose.
Sooooooo... do you know the rules of 'Mate Match'?'
Sarah: 'No.'
DJ: 'Good!'
Brian: (laughing)
Sarah: (laughing) 'Brian, what the hell are you up to?'
Brian: (laughing) 'Just answer his questions honestly, okay? Be
completely honest.'
DJ: 'Yeah yeah yeah. Sure. Now, I will ask you 3 questions, Sarah. If
your answers match Brian's answers, then the both of youwill be off to
the Gold Coast for 5 days on us.
Sarah: (laughing) 'Yes.'
DJ: 'Alright. When did you last have sex, Sarah?'
Sarah: 'Oh God, Brian....uh, this morning before Brian went to work.'
DJ: 'What time?'
Sarah: 'Around 8 this morning.'
DJ: 'Very good. Next question. How long did it last?'
Sarah: '12, 15 minutes maybe.'
DJ: 'Hmmmm. That's close enough. I am sure she is trying to protect is
manhood. We've got one last question, Sarah. You are one question away
from a trip to the Gold Coast. Are you ready?'
Sarah: (laughing) 'Yes.'
DJ: 'Where did you have it?'
Sarah: 'OH MY GOD, BRIAN!! You didn't tell them that did you?'
Brian: 'Just tell him, honey.'
DJ: 'What is bothering you so much, Sarah?'
Sarah: 'Well...'
DJ: Come on Sarah.....where did you have it?
Sarah: 'Up the ar*e.....'
They had to call an ambulance for the DJ he thought he was going to
have
a heart attack , he could not stop laughing.
Apperently there was an unusually high call out of the Sydney Police
just after this conversation , for minor traffic collisions.
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Tom
Member
Registered: 3rd Apr 02
Location: Wirral, Merseyside
User status: Offline
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Robbo
Member
Registered: 6th Aug 02
Location: London
User status: Offline
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Both actually quite old but also very good
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Tom
Member
Registered: 3rd Apr 02
Location: Wirral, Merseyside
User status: Offline
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quote:
Originally posted by Tom
Mine was at the first one btw, second one is older than old.
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RyanSxi
Member
Registered: 26th Jul 06
User status: Offline
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Thought id gone back in time with these 2......both very funny mind 
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