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little_duke

Member

Registered: 21st Aug 06
Location: Tamworth,staffordshire Drives: rover coupe
User status: Offline

7th Mar 08 at 14:17

men are so much better then women

NICKNAMES

If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah.

If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla and Four-eyes.

EATING OUT

When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in £20, even though it's only for £32.50.
None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.

When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.

MONEY

A man will pay £2 for a £1 item he needs.
A woman will pay £1 for a £2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale.

BATHROOMS

A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel from M&S.

The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337.
A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.

ARGUMENTS

A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

CATS

Women love cats.
Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats.

FUTURE

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

SUCCESS

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

MARRIAGE

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does.

DRESSING UP

A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the bins, answer the phone, read a book, and get the post.
A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.

NATURAL

Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

OFFSPRING

Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children.
She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favourite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.

A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY

A married man should forget his mistakes.
There's no use in two people remembering the same thing.
SO, Send this to the women who can handle it and to the men who will enjoy reading it.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Alzheimer's Test

The following was developed as a mental age assessment by the School Psychiatry at HarvardUniversity. Take your time and see if you can read each line aloud without a mistake. The average person over 40 years of age cannot do it!

1. This is this cat.

2. This is is cat.

3. This is how cat.

4. This is to cat.

5. This is keep cat.

6. This is an cat.

7. This is old cat.

8. This is fart cat.

9. This is busy cat.

10 This is for cat.

11. This is forty cat.

12. This is seconds cat.

Now go back and read the third word in each line from the top down and I betcha' you cannot resist passing it on.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Test for Dementia
Below are four (4) questions and a bonus question. You have to answer them instantly. You can't take your time, answer all of them immediately. OK?

Let's find out just how clever you really are....

Ready? GO!!!

First Question:

You are participating in a race. You overtake the second person. What position are you in?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Answer:If you answered that you are first, then you are
absolutely wrong! If you overtake the second person, you take his place, so you are second!

Try not to screw up next time.
Now answer the second question,
butdon'ttake as much time as you took for the first one,OK?

Second Question:
If you overtake the last person, then you are...?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Answer: If you answered that you are second to last, then you are wrong again. Tell me, how can YOU overtake the LAST Person?

You're not very good at this, are you?

Third Question:
Very tricky arithmetic! Note: This must be done in your head only.
Do NOT use paper and pencil or a calculator. Try it.

Take1000and add40to it. Now add another1000. Now add30.
Add another1000. Now add20. Now add another1000
Now add10. What is the total?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Did you get5000 ?

The correct answer is actually 4100.

If you don't believe it, check it with a calculator!
Today is definitely not your day, is it?
Maybe you'll get the last question right....
...Maybe.

Fourth Question:

Mary's father has five daughters: 1. Nana, 2. Nene, 3. Nini, 4. Nono. What is the name of the fifth daughter?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Did you AnswerNunu?
NO!Of course it isn't.
Her name isMary.Read the question again!

Okay, now the bonus round:

Amute person goes into a shop and wants to buy a toothbrush. By
imitating the action of brushing his teeth he successfully
expresses himself to the shopkeeper and the purchase is
done.

Next, a blind man comes into the shop who wants to buy a pair of
sunglasses; how does HE indicate what he wants?

He just has to open his mouth and ask...
It's really very simple.... Like you!

PASS TH IS ON TO FRUSTRATE THE
SMART PEOPLE IN YOUR LIFE!

[Edited on 07-03-2008 by little_duke]

Tom

Member

Registered: 3rd Apr 02
Location: Wirral, Merseyside
User status: Offline

7th Mar 08 at 14:20