Rachel H
Member
Registered: 12th Nov 03
Location: Berks
User status: Offline
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Kennedy,
I have been going out with a really hot girl for a few months now, and she wants me to take her up the ass. I'm intrigued, but the problem is I don't know how to do it! I heard it can be messy. Any advice?
Paul
Brooklyn, NY
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Hey Cub Scout,
YOU have been going out with a really "hot girl?" Yeah right. I know you and there is no way in hell that could be so. Also, I highly doubt any women would give you the "backstage pass." But just for the sake of the other Readers out there that might need it, here is my advice.
You only live once and there is not better feeling than hearing a girl scream from the painful pleasure of anal penetration. Especially if you are the one making her scream. If it is another guy and you can still hear her, that is sort of hot, but not always. Just make sure you don't wear a condom and always have vaginal sex immediately afterward. It will give your "hot girl" a hot-burning sensation that she won't be able to shake without some high-powered antibiotics. I mean, what is hotter than having your woman have to go to the doctor after you're through with her?
Also, the faster the better. I like to take the same approach to anal sex as I do with those casino games where the little beaver pops his head out of a hole and you smack him with a mallet. Basically, make sure to smack your girl on the head with a mallet. Last, but not least, mark the date of your first "fudgy roger" on a calender and celebrate the anniversary every year. Your friends and family will be proud!
Good luck and get too it, liar-boy
Love,
Kennedy
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willay
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Organiser: South East, National Events
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Location: Roydon, Essex
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Rachel H
Member
Registered: 12th Nov 03
Location: Berks
User status: Offline
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Kennedy,
Assuming that you respect her feelings on this matter, how do you approach the matter of the ass slap when giving it to your woman doggy style?
A'
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Dear A',
First of all, I only give it to women doggy style. There is no other option. I call it, "The Normal Way." I'm pretty sure God created man and woman with idea that they could have sex without the displeasure of having to look at each other. Probably so they could fantasize about other people. As far as the ass slap goes, I cherish it. It's one of my most used techniques. There is no "approach" needed. Just start slapping. If your woman doesn't like it, she's a rotten bitch. Throw her in the gutter and go get another.
So, next time you're loving a woman, pretend you're trying to start up a lawnmower when you give her the old slippy-slap on the Budunkudunq. I unusually make a lawnmower sound by vibrating my lips together while I give the slap. That really gets her gopher going, if you know what I mean. If you don't know what I mean, you're in real trouble. Some girls cannot reach orgasm without a few good heavy slaps on the dumper, and those are the girls I respect the most. God speed and good luck.
Love,
Kennedy
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Liam
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Registered: 19th Jan 06
Location: Stafford
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Rachel H
Member
Registered: 12th Nov 03
Location: Berks
User status: Offline
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Dear Kennedy,
Just when I thought I had nothing to say, my girl on the side says she’s got one on the way. I damn near cried when I got the phone call. This is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. I have to tell the woman I love that I’m having a baby with a woman that I hardly know. Man, I’m thrown. And I don’t know what to do.
Usher
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Dear Usher,
I must admit that I am not a fan of you or your music. First of all, if you were really having an illegitimate child it would be all over the newspapers. But you’re not, so that makes this letter and that whole song a big fat lie. I also cannot stand your song “Burn.” It sucks. Is that about your problem with hemorrhoids? I am honored that you are an active reader of my advice column. This is believe it or not the first celebrity letter to date, so thanks for that. But as far as confessing your affair with another woman to me, I don’t really want to hear about it. This column is reserved for the everyday workingman’s letters. Not an overpaid, under talented, Milli Vanilli rip off.
Love,
Kennedy
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Ben G
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Registered: 12th Jan 07
Location: Essex
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LOFL
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AdZ9
Member
Registered: 14th Apr 06
User status: Offline
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more more!
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--Dave--
Banned
Registered: 17th Feb 04
Location: Essssseeeeex Drives: Black Supra TT
User status: Offline
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'Budunkudunq'
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Rachel H
Member
Registered: 12th Nov 03
Location: Berks
User status: Offline
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Dear Kennedy,
I am a professional choreographer with a wife and child. I recently fell in love with one my clients. She is a well known pop star with a great body and an alright attitude. She isn’t too bright but she’s really rich. Her experience in bed is not the greatest but I am looking forward to teaching her some new tricks! Anyway, she has asked me to divorce my wife and marry her AND she doesn’t want a prenuptial agreement!!! What are the drawbacks of this and is it morally wrong for me to leave my wife and child for this young hussy?
Justin from Tustin
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Dear Justin,
Wow, I didn’t think we had readers all the way in Tustin. I love the Wal-Mart down there. The drawbacks of making a move like this are these: your kid will always think of you as “That Asshole.” Also, most of your friends will think of you as “That Asshole," but since you are involved in dance, it may be a step up from "That Fag." Another problem is that it is never fun teaching a girl who is bad in bed how to perform. Let me be clear on this; I don’t have the patience for chicks who don't know their shit and that’s why I prefer brothels over wives. But, it is obvious that the benefits way outweigh the drawbacks. Marry this girl until you are really bored, which should be in three to six months. Make sure to try to score a threesome with one of her female dancers in the meantime. Then divorce her, collect a fat alimony check, and buy your kid lots of gifts until he/ she loves you again.
Love,
Kennedy
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AdZ9
Member
Registered: 14th Apr 06
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hahah, where u getting these?
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Rachel H
Member
Registered: 12th Nov 03
Location: Berks
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You don't want to know.
On the forum that these came from someone from Denmark asked what a "black" is, this was the reply
"I did. He says not much is known about them except they live and forage in gardens. Some colonies have, however, adapted to other habitats such as kitchens and limousine driver's seats, for example. Intriguing."
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Rachel H
Member
Registered: 12th Nov 03
Location: Berks
User status: Offline
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TBH I don't know why I don't spend all day on that forum, its right up my street.
I found this funny
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--Dave--
Banned
Registered: 17th Feb 04
Location: Essssseeeeex Drives: Black Supra TT
User status: Offline
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--Dave--
Banned
Registered: 17th Feb 04
Location: Essssseeeeex Drives: Black Supra TT
User status: Offline
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www.theruthlessforum.com
?
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AdZ9
Member
Registered: 14th Apr 06
User status: Offline
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hahah this forum sounds ace
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Rachel H
Member
Registered: 12th Nov 03
Location: Berks
User status: Offline
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WTF
"When I was 16 I lost my virginity to a girl I had been dating for awhile. Like most people who become sexually active, we fucked liked rabbits. One night, at a park we started going at it, and I talked her into doggy-style what with it all being new and exciting to me. Not too long after we started, I heard her crying. Freaking out, I pulled out and asked her what the matter was. Through her tears she said "That is how my brother fucks me."
That was night that I learned that her older brother snuck into her room a few nights a week and raped her.
It was a pretty powerful thing and affected me pretty bad for a few years. I probably couldn't tell you now what the realization itself was since it was many moons ago, though I don't doubt there was one, but ever since it's taken the thrill and excitement out of that particular sexual position for me."
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AdZ9
Member
Registered: 14th Apr 06
User status: Offline
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i don't know whether to laugh or cringe so im making a weird inbetween face
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Matt L
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Registered: 17th Apr 06
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Mather.16v
Member
Registered: 1st Nov 04
Location: Stockport
User status: Offline
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funny schiznit
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--Dave--
Banned
Registered: 17th Feb 04
Location: Essssseeeeex Drives: Black Supra TT
User status: Offline
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quote:
Originally posted by Rachel H
WTF
"When I was 16 I lost my virginity to a girl I had been dating for awhile. Like most people who become sexually active, we fucked liked rabbits. One night, at a park we started going at it, and I talked her into doggy-style what with it all being new and exciting to me. Not too long after we started, I heard her crying. Freaking out, I pulled out and asked her what the matter was. Through her tears she said "That is how my brother fucks me."
That was night that I learned that her older brother snuck into her room a few nights a week and raped her.
It was a pretty powerful thing and affected me pretty bad for a few years. I probably couldn't tell you now what the realization itself was since it was many moons ago, though I don't doubt there was one, but ever since it's taken the thrill and excitement out of that particular sexual position for me."
that's not good.
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Natalie
Member
Registered: 5th Nov 03
Location: Oxfordshire Drives: Vauxhall Tigra 1.8
User status: Offline
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quote:
Originally posted by --Dave--
'Budunkudunq'
I liked that too
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Rachel H
Member
Registered: 12th Nov 03
Location: Berks
User status: Offline
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What the hell has happend to all the NORMAL Ipswich fans ??? You have a guy with a disco ball, and another knob with a megaphone ???? What the hell next, is some1 going to bring a keyboard into the north stand and dress up like Elton John and play candle in the wind everytime we lose ???
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