leeshez
Member
Registered: 3rd May 01
Location: Great Harwood, Lancashire
User status: Offline
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>
>
>>> >> > > The 1st Affair:
>>> >> > >
>>> >> > > A married man was having an affair with his
>>> >> > > secretary.
>>> >> > >
>>> >> > > One day they went her place and made love all
>>> >> > > afternoon. Exhausted, they
>>> >> > > fell asleep and woke up at 8 PM.
>>> >> > >
>>> >> > > The man hurriedly dressed and told his lover to take
>>> >> > > his shoes outside and
>>> >> > > rub them in the grass and dirt.
>>> >> > >
>>> >> > > He put on his shoes and drove home.
>>> >> > >
>>> >> > > "Where have you been?" his wife demanded.
>>> >> > >
>>> >> > > "I can't lie to you," he replied, "I'm having an
>>> >> > > affair with my secretary.
>>> >> > > We had sex all afternoon."
>>> >> > >
>>> >> > > "You lying bastard!
>>> >> > >
>>> >> > > You've been playing golf!"< /P>
>>> >> > >
>>> >> > > _____
>>> >> > >
>>> >> > >
>>> >> > >
>>> >> > > The 2nd Affair:
>>> >> > >
>>> >> > > A middle-aged couple had two beautiful daughters but
>>> >> > > always talked about
>>> >> > > having a son.
>>> >> > >
>>> >> > > They decided to try one last time for the son they
>>> >> > > always wanted.
>>> >> > >
>>> >> > > The wife got pregnant and delivered a healthy baby
>>> >> > > boy.
>>> >> > >
>>> >> > > The joyful father rushed to the nursery to see his
>>> >> > > new son.
>>> >> > >
>>> >> > > He was horrified at the ugliest child he had ever
>>> >> > > seen.
>>> >> > >
>>> >> > > He told his wife, "There's no way I can be the
>>> >> > > father of this baby. Look at
>>> >> > > the two beautiful daughters I fathered! Have you
>>> >> > > been fooling around behind
>>> >> > > my back?"
>>> >> > >
>>> >> > > The wife smiled sweetly and replied, "Not this time
>>> >> > > !"
>>> >> > >
>>> >> > > _____
>>> >> > >
>>> >> > >
>>> >> > > The 3rd Affair:
>>> >> > >
>>> >> > > A mortician was working late one night.
>>> >> > >
>>> >> > > He examined the body of Mr. Schwartz, about to be
>>> >> > > cremated, and made a
>>> >> > > startling discovery. Schwartz had the largest
>>> >> > > private part he had ever seen!
>>> >> > >
>>> >> > > "I'm sorry Mr. Schwartz," the mortician commented,
>>> >> > > "I can't allow you to be
>>> >> > > cremated with such an impressive private part. It
>>> >> > > must be saved for
>>> >> > > posterity."
>>> >> > >
>>> >> > > So, he removed it, stuffed it into his briefcase,
>>> >> > > and took it home.
>>> >> > >
>>> >> > > "I have to show you something you won't believe," he
>>> >> > > said to his wife,
>>> >> > > opening his briefcase.
>>> >> > >
>>> >> > > "My God!" the wife exclaimed, " Schwartz is
>>> >> > > dead?!?!"
>>> >> > >
>>> >> > > _____
>>> >> > >
>>> >> > >
>>> >> > > The 4th Affair:
>>> >> > >
>>> >> > > A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her
>>> >> > > husband opening the
>>> >> > > front door.
>>> >> > >
>>> >> > > "Hurry," she said, "stand in the corner."
>>> >> > >
>>> >> > > She rubbed baby oil all over him, then dusted him
>>> >> > > with talcum powder.
>>> >> > >
>>> >> > > "Don't move until I tell you," she said. "Pretend
>>> >> > > you're a statue."
>>> >> > >
>>> >> > > "What's this?" the husband inquired as he entered
>>> >> > > the room.
>>> >> > >
>>> >> > > "Oh it's a statue." she replied. "The Smith's bought
>>> >> > > one and I liked it so
>>> >> > > much I got one for us, too."
>>> >> > >
>>> >> > > No more was said, not even when they went to bed.
>>> >> > >
>>> >> > > Around 2 AM the husband got up, went to the kitchen
>>> >> > > and returned with a
>>> >> > > sandwich and a beer.
>>> >> > >
>>> >> > > "Here," he said to the statue, "have this. I stood
>>> >> > > like that for two days at
>>> >> > > the Smith's and nobody offered me a damned thing."
>>> >> > >
>>> >> > > _____
>>> >> > >
>>> >> > >
>>> >> > > The 5th Affair:
>>> >> > >
>>> >> > > A man walked into a cafe, went to the bar and
>>> >> > > ordered a beer.
>>> >> > >
>>> >> > > "Certainly, Sir, that'll be one cent."
>>> >> > >
>>> >> > > "One Cent?" the man thought.
>>> >> > >
>>> >> > > He glanced at the menu and asked, "How much for a
>>> >> > > nice juicy steak and a
>>> >> > > bottle of wine?"
>>> >> > >
>>> >> > > "A nickel," the barman replied.
>>> >> > >
>>> >> > > "A nickel?" exclaimed the man. "Where's the guy who
>>> >> > > owns this place?"
>>> >> > >
>>> >> > > The bartender replied, "Upstairs, with my wife."
>>> >> > >
>>> >> > > The man asked, "What's he doing upstairs with your
>>> >> > > wife?"
>>> >> > >
>>> >> > > The bartender replied,
>>> >> > >
>>> >> > > "The same thing I'm doing to his business down
>>> >> > > here."
>>> >> > >
>>> >> > > _____
>>> >> > >
>>> >> > >
>>> >> > > The 6th Affair:
>>> >> > >
>>> >> > > Jake was dying. His wife sat at the bedside.
>>> >> > >
>>> >> > > He looked up and said weakly, "I have something I
>>> >> > > must confess."
>>> >> > >
>>> >> > > "There's no need to," his wife replied.
>>> >> > >
>>> >> > > "No," he insisted, "I want to die in peace. I slept
>>> >> > > with your sister, your
>>> >> > > best friend, her best friend, and your mother!"
>>> >> > >
>>> >> > > "I know, I know," she replied. "Now just rest and
>>> >> > > let the poison work
>>> >> > >
>>> >> > >
>>
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, am i the only one who is goin to laugh 